My In Laws dropped a "family Tree" book at our door today while were in town shopping. They have gone absolutly nutz after we told them we have and or are leaving the church. Talk about the rant they went on...doom/gloom/hell/judgement day, etc. That was last Nov. Then for a few months afterwards, they went off with emails and letters to their daughter...really bad and hatefull emails.

Now they seem to have changed gears. I got a Bday card in the mail last week which included a gift card in it. Back in Jan was my wife's bday and she got nothing. I sent the card and gift card back to them telling them I was not going to accept anygift they seem unwilling to give their daughter....and my son who's bday was also in Jan and my daughters who's bday was late last fall. Nope, not going to accept any gift card when I am the only one.

Now, today, we get home and there is a big book which says family tree on it. We didnt even open it. Speaks lound and clear their message of shame and guilt....that we are ruining their family tree.

I am all for family.....but not like this. Not even sure what to do with it. Suggestions?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/10/2014 10:38PM by dcgsage.

Trash can. Mine has been the recipient of a number of church manuals, a DVD about a Youth Conference my kids didn't even attend, a couple of church DVD's someone thought would make good Christmas gifts, a Share My Gospel manual my mom bought for my son before she accepted the fact he was NOT going on a mission, several nasty, unwanted plates of "friendship" treats and pretty much every single gift we got when someone did an anonymous 12 Days of Christmas thing for our family last December. I kept the cute, tiny light up Christmas tree, put the bag of Dove Chocolates in DH's stocking and stuck the hot chocolate mix in the cupboard but the rest went straight to the landfill.

Tactics tactics tactics....... mormons are trained in these inappropriate, manipulative, passive aggressive tactics.

I think they have changed approaches and are trying. Maybe let them know that if they apologize for their rudeness, you'll try to be open-minded and meet them halfway.

See, I think the family tree might be a way of saying that no matter what, you are family. Your kids belong in that tree, as do you. I don't know, maybe drop off a Mother's Day card and see how it goes? While it's great that you have made it clear you won't let them bully your wife, you might have to be the mature ones and take the high road. I have seen parents make a full U-turn and after a few months learn to accept gay and apostate kids.

And here's the thing - it seems like parents will live forever. My dad suddenly passed away and I hadn't seen him in almost 2 years. It wasn't a fight or anything - just we live far away - but it still hurts. I would try, every few months, to see if this can be partially mended. Then no regrets for your wife.

Keep the pedigree charts and family group sheets in a file for after you die.

Your kids might like knowing the names of their family.

You don't have to have it now.


I just found my Mothers Daughters of the American Revolution certificate. It is beautiful and I'm happy to have the proof that our family helped build this country.

Being patriotic isn't all bad.

One thing I noticed about our family: we always lived in teeny tiny towns of 500 or less that are still that small today. My parents and I are the first generations to live in larger towns and cities.

Even the town we came from in Germany to this day is less than 800 population!

Keep the book, but bury it deep in your stuff until your kids are in their 50s...they'll have perspective and thank you for it.

If some dropped a tree at my front door, I would plant it. Usually that requires a large hole in the ground at least a foot deep. A shovel or two full of manure usually prevents any future problems.
water it deeply for at least the first year. I think you'll get desired results.

I think it's a positive sign. Family tree means they consider you family, even though you left the cult; it's an olive branch. Even if it's sickly and misshapen, it may be the best they can do right now. Put it on a shelf somewhere and wait a week, then send them an email. Thank them for the family tree (basic politeness), tell them family's important... and leave it at that. Two sentences is more than terse enough to make a point. If a tree's been damaged (second tree metaphor, but whatever), you leave it alone except for an occasional watering. Manure'll kill it. Give it a few months or even years, see if it improves. If not, it goes in the chipper and then the compost heap.

They might be trying to mend fences with you. Neither gift is inherently churchy (even nevermos make family trees.) I would accept each non-churchy gift with a thank-you and see how things go. It can take parents a while to adjust to such news.

Not a Mormon here (Not only no but hell no). A cousin is LDS and a sociology professor at a school in Texas. For his PhD thesis some 20 years ago he did ALL the research he could on our French family. Now the Italian side of our family. We have very complete records back to the 15th century. This is because the family has been meticulous and kept track.

The French thing. O.k. This cousin is Mo. This project took him a full year and three months at 6 hours a day. Yes he did get funding for the project. It's complete. He printed out the tree on a piece of paper that fits a wall. It's 10' long and 6' tall.

Now this is important to us because. One we had always heard we were more Russian than French. Turns out our family came from Russia around 1150-1165 A.D. More importantly as a non member of the tscc when these loud mouth Mormons start running off about how they have done all their work. Why isn't it important to me? They always ask. They are shocked that NON member knows their history.

I'm no dummy. I simply get out a piece of paper and draw them the tree on both sides. From memory I can go back about 250 years. I think the history is cool. And I feel it is important to know your history. But it's just that history. I'm not here to change anybody's mind especially those that are dead.

Do your family tree if you want. At least you'll have the history and maybe some answers. But I still come down on the side that says its offensive to convert dead people.

thx for all the responces. I think family histories are good and can be very interesting. The only problem I have with them is the mormon twist on them.....you know, the patrarical authoritarianism, the manipulation, the constant time and enery spent on them and brainwashing us into thinking that which is dead is more important than that with is alive or yet to be born.

I think my wife will put it in a box somewhere. I doubt she will even contact them over it with even a small thank you after the hate letters, ill will and hell she went through with them, whcih even extends long before us leaving the church. No, it will take a lot bigger olive branch than this to get my wife to even acknowledge they exist. It is going to take a big fucking apology, direct and solid. Innuendo appologies will not cut it.

They can call you and tell you what it means. Or you can call them. No need to guess.

Sounds like neither side is doing what jesus would do.

save up all that crap and deposit it on the doorstep of the bishop.

My exmo brother knows our family tree better than any other family member, which puts me in second place.

If our family tree were an oak, it would be choked and dying with the parasitic mistletoe of Mormonism.