After coming out as a Nonbeliever, I haven't been to church in two years now because my TBM wife made it clear that it would be emotionally difficult for me to go just for her.

She has since had a bit of a change of heart saying that I am always welcome if I want to. She has invited me to a couple of activities but I have always declined.

Now the Picnic. She wants me to go. I haven't seen most of these people in two years and this feels really awkward. I don't really want to go because I know if I do I will want to be out of there as quickly as possible. And that's gonna piss her off.
Maybe I will comedown with strep throat ...

Mormons read subtle messages where none exist. I would stay away and not toy with them.

For me, it'd be a small thing to do to make my wife happy. I'd go and show those others there that I can be (and am) very happy without their so-called church. When there, I'd emphasize how much happier I am, how much I enjoy my free time now that I don't have church cleaning and assignments duties, and how much I'm saving by not paying their outrageous dues. I'd bet they'd be secretly jealous...

What if I go but bring a Bud-Lite?

Seems to be mixed ... Go and show them up or don't go and avoid the calls from TBM's .. Would be inappropriate for me to show up with a 6-pack of Bud-lite?

I'd go, but forget the budlight idea. While it seems funny to you, that would disrespect your wife and probably make her feel embarrassed. The whole point is to support her, right? That might also play right into supporting their beliefs that if you don't attend church you end up a beer-drinking "apostate".

I say you should go, but set a good example of how a real ex-mo really is... we're just normal people and can have a good time hanging around other people without the church label attached. By setting a good example, you might help others realize that there's no harm in investigating issues with the church and that there can be civility in the conversations. You might even have someone ask you why you've left, and that could give you a good opportunity to discuss and help spread awareness; that is, if you do so tactfully anyway.

Good luck if you end up going.

Seems to be mixed ... Go and show them up or don't go and avoid the calls from TBM's .. Would be inappropriate for me to show up with a 6-pack of beer?

I say no. It will just get everyone's hopes up that the prodigal son is returning. My though is instead, (if finances allow), now would be a good time to make reservations to a nice restaurant followed by attending a cultural event like the symphony. If finances don't allow, get creative and make a special date for the two of you. Your wife needs to see that TSCC doesn't need to be present to bring you together. She's married to you not TSCC.

Oops, I meant to say thought not though.

brandywine Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
" She's married to
> you not TSCC."
Thant's just it Brandywine. To her the Church was and still is t the center of marriage.

Sorry Devo. Keep trying to get her to do activities with you that don't include the church and hopefully she'll get the idea.

If you feel you want to throw your wife a bone, I see no harm in going.

Just be sure to wear a smile on your face and radiate the joy you feel by being inactive.

It will drive the Mo's crazy!

Can you take her (and kids if they exist) on a private picnic/BBQ at a nice beach or park?

I don't think I'd go, because mormon small talk makes me want to eat a bullet.

No!!! Don't open a can of worms that you can't put back. Don't get anybody's hope up that you are returning. You might get on "their" radar.

If it was me, I wouldn't go (see above)!

Can you take two cars? You could fall back on the excuse you have to meet a colleague and get some weekend work done and duck out early if you're miserable. Would your wife be okay with that arrangement? I probably wouldn't want to go, but I could probably tolerate a couple hours. It's never fun when someone wants to leave early or you have to wait when you're ready to leave, and I found the two car solution is workable.

Offer to go on a picnic for just the two of you instead.
Remind her that you love HER, accept her, but not the church.

RMM

I'd go for your wife's sake. You'll probably find as I did recently at a ward activity, that most people are very welcoming and it wasn't half as awkward as I thought it might be. No one asked me about church and I think some were genuinely surprised that I was still the same person I was before.

I must admit that I actually quite enjoyed being proactive and rather than waiting for others to talk to me, I approached quite a few and just started chatting. I could tell that this wasn't at all what they were expecting from an apostate.

Go, have fun and create some cog dis.

If you want to stand there knowing that they all think youre a loser then stand there. If it was me, I wouldn't go for all the tea in China or the beer in Colorado. Unless you want to leave a copy of the CES letter in the bath room.

Go, but bring your own Coca-Cola or Pepsi. Don't bring a beer.

Be nice and friendly to those who say hi.

Enjoy yourself and support your wife.

Don't bring beer??? Dang.. there goes my "statement" No I agree that being friendly disarms them. But I don't want to be encouraging either

Find any excuse not to go. Why stir up trouble?

The potential downside is much bigger than the upside. Find any excuse not to go. Take her out for dessert or a movie afterwards. My wife has stopped wearing garments and only attends church sporadically (sac only). Winning!!!

Show them that you don't need them to be happy. Smile a lot and talk to everyone. It will probably make them uncomfortable

Why would you want to endure the pain of so many fake, judgmental people (as I've found to be true of so many Mormons, especially active ones)? Maybe you could really gush on about how great your life is...

I still like the idea of taking a beer .. but that seems to be a bad idea..

Well, if you take beer, there won't be any question if you are open to returning or not ...

Ask yourself what the potential outcomes are if you do go. Will your wife be dissapointed? Will she be crushed? Will she shrug it off? Will she get over it in a few day's time?

Will the ward talk about you? Will you be the subject of priesthood meeting/RS meetings/all other forms of ward gossip? Will you find cookies on your doorstep? Will your doorbell ring at 9pm on Sunday night (and will your wife be secretly holding her breath in anticipation?)

Will you come out of it BETTER off than you are now? Or will you have a whole new battle on your hands that could take weeks or months to diffuse to get you back to the point you're at right now?

Do you know why your wife particularly wants you to go to this? If you can, find out. If she wants you to go because she just feels sad and lonely to be there without you, go with her. That officially puts you in the Don Quijote club --- march into hell for a heavenly cause.

Then, find more things to do (both as a couple *and with other people who are not Mormons*) so that your wife can begin to learn that life and love and happiness can exist independently of TSCC.

Don't take a beer. Why do you need to go to provoke anything? Which is all that carrying a beer will be seen as doing.

Go because you love your wife and want her to be happy. Reread Ragnar's and Boyd K. Pecker's and Wannabee's and Sherlock's replies. In my experience, when I am hesitant to do something, I am often amazed to find out that I can do it without having the world end. And that I feel better about myself when I face things head on.

If anyone there gives you any grief, be honest to this extent: Smile and say, "I came here because I love my wife." Nothing else is needed. But if people start going on, in any way, about reactivation, Mormon doctrine, or eternal families, tell them that you will be happy to be a friend, as long as they leave the church out of it. If they continue, tell them that if they want to talk about TSCC, you will take that to be an invitation to tell them, in detail, all of the problems with TSCC. Or (probably the better route) say nothing and hand them nice little printed copies of the eleventh article of the faith. Whichever you think will be more constructive.

As to the concern about the Mormons thinking bad things about you, seriously, if they are inclined to do that, they are already doing it. Seeing you happy and loving is not going to make that worse. It will only show them that you are better than they imagined you would be. Other than that, going or not going, you can't control what they think or feel. So why worry about it?

This might be a perfect time to be yourself and be social and not have the worry of endless boring meetings and songs and prayers and such. Find yourself catching up, chatting with somebody/ others and not worry about the sidelines. Go if you feel like it. Have a good time.

I would go, set a six pack of beer on the table but not drink it, just sit back and watch everyones faces and rotflmaowpimp.

Don't take a beer - that falls straight into their exmo stereotype and shows a degree of disrepect that is unnecessary. No one would think of showing up at a Muslim social event with alcohol so I think same rules of courtesy apply here.

If you do go you'll make a much profound impact by simply being friendly and down to earth. TBMs are completely thrown to see exmos who don't fit into the angry, bitter and sinful mold.