Posted by:
ultra
(
)
Date: May 20, 2014 02:58PM
Show announcer: She calls him a cheater, but he claims he is a prophet of God and had no choice.
Steve Wilkos: I would like to welcome today's guest Emma. Emma what seems to be the problem?
Emma: Well Steve, I recently caught my husband cheating on me.
(OOOHHHHHH)-The audience
Steve: You say your caught your husband cheating on you? Exactly how did that happen?
Emma: I was heading out to our barn to tend to the cattle, and the door to the barn was closed but I heard some moaning noises, so I looked in through the spacing, and I saw my husband Joseph making out with my maid Fanny (bleeped out)
(OOOOOHHHHHH)-The audience
Steve: Did you confront him at that time?
Emma: Yes I did, but he saying that he didn't have a choice. He said that if he didn't have sex with our maid, that God would have killed him. He also said that he's married to her as well. (OOOOHHHHH) That's actually why I am here, I thought you could confront him?
Steve: Wait? He told you that HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE. THAT right there sounds like a bunch of crap. (STEVE!!!) Well I will see what I can do for you? Joseph c'mon out.
(The founding prophet of the LDS faith walks out wearing a suit and 18th century dress up clothing)
Joseph: Hi Steve, it's an honor to meet you.
Steve: Normally, it's child molesters I don't let take a seat, but I am looking at my notes here, and I see that there are also rumors that you tried to have sex with a 14 year old girl. So please don't sit down.
Joseph: Actually, that's not accurate. It was two 14 year olds.
Emma: WHAT!?!
Steve: Wait! You admit that it wasn't one 14 year old but 2? Are you kidding me! MY God!
Joseph: Well honestly, it's not like I had a choice. If I hadn't have done it, an Angel with a flaming sword would have killed me!
Steve: Well obviously it looks like something is flaming! Like you in hell! (STEEEVVVEEEE!!!!)
Steve: And here you are acting all innocent. I mean look at your wife. She is a beautiful woman, and you have to go out and seek comfort from 14 year old little girls. And you use the pathetic excuse that GOD made you do it. I would just kick you off my stage right now, if I didn't have a time segment to keep to. mean seriously you are sick.
Joseph: Well what one finds to be evil in one circumstances becomes perfectly acceptable in other circumstances if it is a commandment of God.
Steve: WOW. Not only are you pathetic, you are also a freaking psychopath. Using god to cover up for your wicked ways.
(STEEEVVVEEEE!!!)
Joseph: If I had not seen the things I have seen, I would not believe them myself.
Steve:Look over at your lovely wife
Joseph: She is lovely
Steve: and see her crying.
Emma: Joseph, am I not pretty enough for you? Am I not good enough for you?
Joseph: Emma, like I have told you before, you are going to have to stop this, and allow me to marry these other women or God is going to condemn you to hell and you'll...
Steve: The God almighty is going to condemn your faithful wife! You are one pathetic loser (audience starts laughing and yelling LOSER LOSER LOSER)
Joseph: Fools mock, but they will be chastised. All of you need to repent..
Steve: WE NEED TO REPENT! (a vien starts popping in Steve's bald head) YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO WITH GUYS LIKE YOU!? (Steve gets right in his face, he then moves over to the chair and grabs it) I WOULD LIKE TO GRAB YOU LIKE THIS...AND THEN THROW YOU!!! (the chair goes flying across the room breaking one of the legs)
(STTEEEEVVVVEEEEE!!!)
Joseph: But you don't understand, I didn't have a choice. It was either marry and consummate the relationship with 30 women or...
Emma: 30! (she is out of her chair racing to slap and hit Joseph, while a security guard blocks her way)
Steve: Listen. I would like to do the same thing to this scum bag piece of filth.
Emma: Why do you need to threaten to condemn me to HELL Joseph when you have already put my life in HELL!
Steve: I don't even see why you took a lie detector test?
Joseph: I did it so I could prove to you I was telling the truth! (audience laughter) Don't laugh at me! I'm a prophet of God and you are all going to pay for mocking me!
Steve: Really? I mean really. We are wasting time here. Here are the results of the lie detector test. We asked you Joseph, Did you see an angel with a flaming sword commanding you to marry and have sex with other women? The results of the lie detector test are.
Joseph: I told the truth?
Steve: YOU DID NOT TELL THE TRUTH!
Emma:WHY JOSEPH! WHY!
Steve: We asked you, are you currently receiving revelations from God. You said yes. You did not tell the truth.
Joseph: There is something wrong with that test. I told the truth! You set me up!
Steve: That's what they all say. Hey Joseph, where are you going? (Joseph Smith starts exiting) RUN Joseph, that will say me the trouble of throwing you off my stage! Now get the HELL OUT OF HERE. (he turns to Emma)
Emma, I am sorry, but it appears Joseph was lying about everything. Now you can make a choice. You can either follow him by going out that door, or you can do the smart thing by going out THAT door. Decision time. Make a choice.
(Emma sadly heads out the door opposite Joseph Smith and the audience starts clapping and cheering)
CUT TO COMMERCIAL
ALTERNATE ENDING
Steve: I don't even see why you took a lie detector test?
Joseph: I did it so I could prove to you I was telling the truth! (audience laughter)
Steve: Well okay. Here are the results of the lie detector test. We asked you Joseph, Did you see an angel with a flaming sword commanding you to marry and have sex with other women? The results of the lie detector test are.
Joseph: I told the truth?
Steve: WOW. THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED. YOU TOLD THE TRUTH? REALLY? DAN.
(a graying individual gets up)
Steve: Everyone, this is our lie detector analyst Dan Rebacov. Dan, I was almost positive that this guy was lying.
Dan: We asked him a series of questions and he passed them all with lying colors.
Steve:Yes, but an angel with a flaming sword?
Dan: I know Steve, one would think that. So I can only come to two conclusions, one, he is telling the truth and did have to marry all these women, or he truly believes that he saw an angel and it's some sort of delusion, and believes that he had to marry and copulate with all these women. Either way, the results are the same. He passed with flying colors. No deception indicated.
Joseph: See Emma, I told you I was telling you the truth.
Steve: I still think you are an absolute scum bucket, and now I feel that you are a completely delusional scum bucket. NOW GET THE HELL OFF MY STAGE!
Steve:Emma, I am sorry, but it appears Joseph believes somehow, psychotic as it may be that his truth is what really happened. Either way he has been with at least 30 other women. Now it's time for you to make a choice. You can either follow him by going out that door, or you can do the smart thing by going out THAT door. Decision time. Make a choice.
(Emma sadly heads out the door opposite Joseph Smith and the audience starts clapping and cheering)
Note: Yes, I am a big Steve Wilkos fan, and I was wondering what it would be like if Emma and Joseph were on the show.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2014 03:06PM by ultra.