I've been a little down lately, so I thought I'd start a thread of Mormon jokes.

What is the difference between a Dementor and the LDS church?

One is a dark, brooding presence that sucks all the joy out of your soul, and the other is a character in the Harry Potter books.


Why didn't God make Joseph Smith retranslate the missing 116 pages?

It's hard enough getting through 1st and 2nd Nephi as it is. 116 more pages would have killed people.

(A repeat:)

Why do you always take 2 mormons fishing?

Because if you take one, he drinks all your beer.

In my mind, there's nothing funny about Mormonism. It's a damnable lie at best.

Repeating "Mormon Jokes" is like laughing at a funeral. I refuse to do either.

Laughter has always been one way I've dealt with hurt and anger. It doesn't work for everyone.

I have no problem with laughing and telling jokes. I love to tell jokes about things that are funny. Laughter is unquestionably "good for the soul".

However, this thread is about Jokes regarding Mormonism (which is not funny) and not the good that laughter does generally.

Templar Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have no problem with laughing and telling jokes.
> I love to tell jokes about things that are funny.
> Laughter is unquestionably "good for the soul".
>
> However, this thread is about Jokes regarding
> Mormonism (which is not funny) and not the good
> that laughter does generally.


"However, this thread is about Jokes regarding Mormonism (which is not funny to me) and not the good that laughter does generally to me."

I fixed it for ya.

(Repeat)

Brigham Young is waking down the street one day and spies and young, pretty girl strolling up the sidewalk on the other side. He quickly makes a bee line across the street and introduces himself to the young woman. "How would you like to be my 43rd wife, my good sister?" he asks.

The young girl blushes and then giggles. She looks back at him finally and says, "Oh, daddy ......"

Based on the postings I have read on this blog, it would appear that Mormonism is not all that funny to most of them either.

Well, then, I suppose this thread is for those of us benighted souls who find humor in Mormonism. Black humor, to be sure, but humor nonetheless.

When I was young, people used to tell jokes about Blacks and other minorities using much less complimentary terms often portraying the objects of their humor as stupid.

Fortunately, such jokes have long since ceased to be funny. Often, even black humor can be rather distasteful and mean spirited.

I try not to be mean, but I am sorry if my seeing Mormonism as funny is offensive to you. I do think it's funny. Painfully funny in every sense.

You are right....the whole cult is a big joke. I like the jokes

Really, Templar. Equating the jokes told here to racist jokes is beyond the pale.

Using humor in the process of recovery is healthy and appropriate.

If it's not part of yours, there are plenty of other threads here.

I think for some people it is just too painful and raw to even consider laughing about. For me, laughter was essential to getting through the darkest times. I joke about my stay in the psychiatric hospital for the same reason I joke about Mormonism: it helps make it less painful.

sonoma Wrote:
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> Really, Templar. Equating the jokes told here to racist jokes is beyond the pale.

Where did I say that? I merely pointed out that what may have been funny in the past may no longer be so. Times change.

Black Humor is also called dark humor, morbid humor, etc. It has nothing to do with race and everything to do with death and depressing topics. Like mormonism.

Templar, lighten the fuck up.

I have a very good sense of humor - except for that gross fraud called Mormonism.

You want a "Mormon" joke. Here's a one that really happened.

****************
My never Mormon wife and I were driving on the freeway in San Diego when the following took place:

Wife: Pointing to a grotesque building, "What in the hell is that?"

Me: It's the new Mormon temple.

Wife: That figures!

See?!? Was that so hard?

Glad you joined us.

How many mormon apologists does it take to change a light bulb??

Two, one to change the light bulb and one to insist that nothing has changed.

A Mormon boy and a Jewish boy were talking and the Mormon boy said, "My bishop knows more than your rabbi." The Jewish boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

How many Mormons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Official LDS response:

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

Due to the overwhelming amount of inquiry regarding the screwing in of light bulbs and how many it would take to complete the task, we issue the following:

Effective immediately, all Ward Bishops/Branch Presidents should create a new committee, 'Ward Light Bulb Screw Crew Committee'. They will report to the 2nd Councilor in the Bishopric/Branch Presidency. Preferably the calling of W.L.B.S.C. Chair should be issued to a couple, with the man, as the priesthood holder, being Chair and his wife, co-chair. Allow them ample time to seek inspiration to determine how many Committee Members they will need to screw in each light bulb.

We are confident that the Lord will bless each Ward/Branch with the answer to this important question, as those 'whom He calls' magnify this new essential Ward/Branch calling.

Sincerely,

The First Presidency

Genius!!!!

lolol...I agree and bless you Elder Delaney

Joseph Smith.

I can see him as a clown.

Ha!

Hear about the man eating lion that got loose on BYU campus? It starved to death.

Why did they put AstroTurf in at Cougar (LaVell Edwards) Stadium? To keep the coeds from grazing at halftime.

Whats the difference between a BYU coed and a trash can? A trash can gets taken out once a week.

Why did the Cougarettes start wearing heels with their uniforms? To keep their knuckles from dragging.

Goodnight, Gracie.

They live in a closed community, turn up at your door unexpectedly, hunt in packs of two or more, need permission from the owner to enter the household and hate to see a cross, are Mormons actually vampires?

Walking back home at night I noticed two men in black suits walking behind me so I crossed the street but they followed. I kept on walking and turning through the streets and landed up in a dead end. It was then I realised the situation was worse than I could possibly imagine when one of them held out a blue book and said "We'd like to talk to you about the Mormon religion"

I love my job as a prison officer, it always makes me laugh when the Mormons come on the wing and the inmates act like they are not in

/me gets his coat

Brother Templar was in a grocery check out line. He looked back to see how long the line was behind him and noticed a very nice looking woman behind him.

He thought about her, he knew he knew her form somewhere. He looked around again. She smiled at him, he smiled back.

Then he felt a tap on his shoulder and hears her say: "I do believe I have one of your kids . . ."

He instantly recognizes her!

"oh no, are you that stripper that my buddies hired for my bachelors party that tied me up on the pool table and whipped me with celery and . . other things. Then we err had sex?"

"No, I am your daughter's primary teacher!"

LOL. Very good. I could easily have done something that stupid. I had a very interesting life in the interlude between Mormonism and marriage when I worked in San Francisco in the sixties but that's O/T.

Q: Why are Mormons buried in garments and temple clothes?

A: Even the DI won't take the damned things.

Off color:).

A Mormon a Protestant and a Catholic are fishing.

The Protestant feels like bragging a little and says, "You know guys, if I had one more son I'd have a basketball team".

The Mormon and Catholic are not impressed. The Catholic says, "That's nothing. If I had one more son, I'd have a football team!"

The Protestant's eyes go wide, but the Mormon is still unimpressed. The Mormon leans back, pops the top on his root beer and says, "oh yeah, well if I had one more wife, I'd have a golf course."

Hahahaah

Mormon jokes? isn't that an oxymoron?

Two elderly Mormon buzzards felt tired and disinclined to do the normal migration flight south and opted to go on Delta.

They arrived at check-in with nothing but two dead racoons in tow.

"So then," asked the attendant... "are you checking these, or what?"

"No thanks," answered the bird, "they're carrion."

This joke was created by a couple "Bricker Brothers" at BYU in the early 80s...


Q: what's the difference between a BYU Coed and a bowling ball?

A: the bowling ball doesn't go to the Bishop after you've rolled it.