Today I made a casual comment regarding hermaphroditism that was meant, not as a value judgment, but as a way of explaining how I find Red Velvet Cake to be confusing (because it doesn't jive with the usual categories of my experience).

The person I was talking to knows me, and knows that there was no value judgment intended. The point was that I'm used to certain things, and not at ease with ambiguity in general, so the complexity of the Red Velvet Cake idea kind of messes with my head a little (mostly because I don't understand the red food coloring-- I think it should mean something flavor-wise, but it's just red for the hell of it).

I didn't mean that I didn't like Red Velvet Cake, just that it is conceptually difficult for me to appreciate. I don't know how to think about it when I'm tasting it or looking at it.

So, in a careless moment, to describe my (admittedly bizarre) conceptual confusion, I said "It's like a hermaphrodite cake, it's a little chocolate, a little vanilla and the confusion of categories is befuddling. I like neatly-packaged ideas. I'm just confused by it". My friend said "Well, I just like the taste, and take it for what it is" (smart guy, teaches me a lot).

Well, recognizing that my comments were somewhat careless, I WANTED to then clarify that I was not expressing a value judgment about hermaphrodites and that I personally, don't have trouble accepting the spectrum of sexual variety and ambiguities PRESENTLY, just that when I first found out about these variations (in college at the age of 24) I was positively stunned and confused. Finding out about gender and sex ambiguities totally challenged my views which had been based on the "Proclamation on the Family" etc. It was a series of realizations like this that very quickly resulted in me re-evaluating the church entirely, and then leaving.

But, instead of getting to continue the conversation I had started, and clarify that I am not a bigot and am not currently bothered in the least by sex abiguities,etc., our conversation was interrupted by a student who said "EEEWWW, now I can never eat Red Velvet Cake Again!!" She then went on at length about having been troubled by reading part of "Middlesex" and that she didn't understand the appeal of hermaphrodite strip clubs.

My friend, who I had been talking to, promptly left the room and I was left to talk to this girl who obviously spends a lot of time at church. I told her I thought "Middlesex" was fascinating, that I didn't see anything more troubling about a hermaphrodite strip club versus any other strip club. Then she said something like "But how can they possibly pursue relationships with other people?" and another student responded (as I should have) "Well, some people just fall in love with people and it's not about the gender, so it doesn't matter".

Anyway, I've thrown all this cathartic mess up here because the conversation is passed and over. I did the best I could to recover the conversation from the initial careless comment, but I wasn't very articulate and didn't represent myself well and I think I left an impression about myself that is not accurate. I feel bad that people who overheard probably think I have issues with gender ambiguity.

I feel terrible today about it and I just needed to explain it where it could be understood. I wish I could have a chance to explain all of this to the people actually involved, but I won't. I know my friend understands me, but I don't know the other people I was talking to and I don't have a way of contacting them.

Evolving out of a homophobic, sexist, and racist religious upbringing has been a sometimes painful, often liberating experience. I've been away from the church for the better part of a decade and I'm STILL finding ways that I'm influenced by the things I was taught. Today was a painful reminder of that. My consciousness has been raised, but I still struggle with identifying all the little background beliefs and attitudes which are a product of my raising. It's like my brain is full of little infections here and there that just need to be eradicated one by one.

Of course, everyone says stupid things from time to time, so maybe that's all it was. I don't know. I just feel really terrible about the whole thing.

We all stick our proverbial feet in our proverbial mouths from time to time. Reminds me of a story:

Jim was at work and had a temp admin as his regular admin was on vacation. The temp had more than ample bosom and Jim certainly partook of a peek or two.

Andy came by and asked him how things were going to which Jim replied: "Dude! I'm so embarassed. This morning I went to my temp admin and had every intention of asking her to get me tickets to Pittsburgh for next Wednesday, but what came out was ' Can you please get me tickets to Tittsburgh?' ".

Andy said: "I feel for you. Same thing happened the other day at breakfast. I was sitting there with the paper, a cup of coffee and an English muffin. I had every intention of asking my wife to pass me the butter, but what I said was 'You miserable bitch! You've ruined my life!".

Don't let it get you down. It's all in the game, as they say.

Just sayin'...

Ron

Things we are taught,absorbed,practiced in the mormon church can have long lasting effects. My oldest daughter is 37. She left the morg about 6 years ago. She went from a Rush Limbaugh,right wing enthusiast,missionary to a very interested in Budism women. The more liberal the better for her,even if she doesn't have a clue what she is talking about. I left the church about a year ago so was very active during prop 8. (I live in calif,) I never donated money or time to the campaign,but I also didn't voice my concern. But as a mormon I just went along with whatever they said. Anyway,because of my silence during prop 8 my dd decided I was a gay hater. That is years ago and she still hasn't forgiven me. Seriously. She lives 30 min. away and I haven't seen her or dsl or grandkids for almost 2 years. I wrote her a letter after I left the morg and apologized for all my "mistakes" while I was in the morg. She didn't accept my apology and said she is STILL mad because of my stand with prop.8. What would she expect from someone in the lds church her whole life?? I would think she would be more understanding-she was mormon for about 28 years.