Did anyone else have a problem with dating while being mormon? I don't know what was wrong with those LDS boys but I NEVER seriously dated while at Ricks or BYU. Guys just didn't seem to be interested in me! And if you're wondering if I was fat and ugly? I was 5'4",long blonde hair, and a fitness guru, so I was in very good shape! I don't think the looks was my problem. I was however kind of quiet. I always thought it was because I wasn't "valley girl" enough, outgoing, bubbly, and loud enough. It was, at the time, very frustrating. I didn't seem to have any problems with the non mormon guys though!

So did anyone else have this problem?? And what do the guys think of this?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 01:16AM by kdog.

Yes--I did. I'm 53 now--so it has been quite a while. And, yes, I was nice looking, too. I am almost 6 feet tall (was closer to 5-9 at the time and weighed 140 pounds--blonde,too). I didn't go to BYU or Ricks--but I lived in Utah all my life.

I dated a lot outside the church, but, of course, I had to hold out for a temple marriage and married my ex at age 27. I am now with the guy I wanted to marry at age 20--the first nonmormon I ever dated.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/16/2011 10:12PM by cl2.

140 lbs on 5'4" is not exactly fat but it is quite hefty, especially for a young girl.

You may not have realized it at the time but a few extra pounds DO matter to guys who are looking for a mate.

No, it's not "hefty" if she's fit - muscle weighs more than fat.

janebond462 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> No, it's not "hefty" if she's fit - muscle weighs
> more than fat.


+1

140 on a 5'4 is NOT quite hefty - it's exactly on the doctor's charts as a normal, healthy weight. A woman, 5'4, should weigh between 117 and 146 with 133 being the target, healthy weight. This, according to Weight Watchers, the only diet proven to work. The range would vary depending on her frame and how much muscle mass/BMI she has. Saying being 7 pounds over the target weight is quite hefty is crazy and shows a distortion in the in Uhmm's perception that is quite disturbing. Possibly a woman with eating issues or a man with anger issues toward women?

Quite hefty huh? Well just to give you a little information buddy, maybe you should do a little research before you open your mouth about things you don't know what the hell you're talking about! I happen to have majored in exercise science so I DO know what the hell I'm talking about! I wasn't a skinny little twig if that's what your thinking but I think if had posted my graduation picture on here you would think twice about your little comment. Man. I should'nt have even mentioned my weight! You're completely missing my point anyways! Hey wait a sec....you're a mormon aren't you??!!

Wow--I'm sorry someone came on here and called you hefty at 140 pounds! My daughter weighs 155 and is 5-9 and she is smaller than I was at 140 pounds because she RUNS. She is solid muscle.

What a rude comment. Sorry someone highjacked your thread.

a 5'9" at 140 is NOT THE SAME AS A 5'4" gal.... so ya might wanna reconsider the answer...cause 5'9" @ 140 is good! yummy as a matter of fact! :)
Kdog did not mention weight...it was cl2 at 5'9"!!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 09:06AM by bignevermo.

Bignevermo, I was going to say the same thing. Some people do not read carefully.

She said 5'9 and 140 lbs, NOT 5'4. That makes a huge difference.

Okay, she did not say she was 5'4" and 140lbs... read the post... she said she was 5'4" and a fitness guru.

the individual who was 5'9" weighed 140lbs, which is very a very svelte built.

Oh geez...ok guys I took it out after that rude remark because it doesn't really matter how much I weighed! For the record though 140 lbs 5'4" and I WAS NOT FAT! That just made me so mad!

Its all superficial and about what can you do for me mentality level. Until you meet the right person who is actually cool enough to look past all that fake bullshit and love you no matter what. Im glad i eventually found her after all the jacked up Mormons i had to weed through to get there. I think women are more superficial and more cruel than the boys.

a Janet Jackson parody.

Gimme a beat!



Sittin' in the movie show

Thinkin' Mormon thoughts

Better be a gentleman

Or you'll turn me off

That's right, lemme tell it





Mormon, Mormon boys, don't mean a thing

Oh you Mormon boys

Mormon, Mormon boys, don't ever change

Oh you Mormon boys



I don't like no Mormon girl

I don't like Mormon food

The only Mormon thing I like

Is a Mormon groove

Will this one do?

Uh huh, I know... say...



Mormon, Mormon boys, gimme a Mormon groove

Mormon, Mormon boys, lemme see your Mormon body move



I could learn to like this, listen up...



I'm not a prude, I just want some respect

So close the door if you want me to respond

Cause privacy is my middle name

My last name is control

No, my first name ain't baby,

It's Janet... Ms. Jackson if you're Mormon



Mormon boys don't mean a thing

Oh you Mormon boys don't mean a thing to me

Mormon... don't mean a thing

Oh you Mormon boys

(I like this part)



Hey! Who's that thinkin' Mormon thoughts? Mormon boys!

Who's that in that Mormon car? Mormon boys!

Who's that eatin' that Mormon fruit? Mormon boys!

Who's jammin' to my Mormon groove? Mormon boys!



Ladies? Mormon boys don't mean a thing

Oh you Mormon boys

Mormon boys are just regular boys. That's all. Just as special and flawed and interested in the same things, deep down, as regular, non-Mormon boys.

I graduated from BYU-I two years ago and had like two boyfriends there..and went on a lot of first dates while all my friends around me were getting married and dating a lot. I had two really good girlfriends that I mainly stuck with. Looking back I know why I didn't date anyone seriously..because I couldn't take them seriously. I dated one guy that I still date down in AZ. We both got jobs down here. He is jack mormon but insists that he wants to raise his future fam. Mormon and sticks up for the church. I get very frustrated. He hangs out with a bunch of his mormon friends in the Scottsdale singles ward that I can't stand. Last night we met some of them at the casino and they drove there tipsy and were drinking there...I thought it was so stupid and careless. I am having a hard time meeting people that aren't Mormon and I think are decent and trustworthy. I am considering Eharmony. Does anyone have suggestions for this thought or how did you meet decent people that aren't Mormon to date. Mormon boys are in denial..anyone that believes the Mormon so called truths will not line up in my future. I want to meet an ex mormon like me or a never mormon that understands.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 12:34AM by notinspite.

As a never mo...my Mormon was hot in all respects...he married a nevermo without blinking an eye.

Get away from the Mormon hang outs...forget the single wards...you won't find what you want at that meat market.

stormy

Thanks Stormy..I know there are a lot of great people out there. I am glad you and your hubby found each other. where did you guys meet at? through friends? work?

Several of my best friends (female) graduated from BYU without having one date! These women were intelligent, and had strong opinions. One was a Democrat, one had questions about the cult, and all were feminists. They didn't get married until ages 26-31, and they married very unusual, outstanding men, who were already established in their careers, who wanted a more equal marriage, and who were NOT MORMONS. They are still happily married.

They were pretty, and attracted the boys like flies-- but they did not flirt or put themselves forward. They also did not ask the boys on dates, like most of the BYU gals did. Our wing in the dorms was called the "hot wing", because we had a lot of cheerleaders and beauty queens.

I was very popular with the boys--but only for superficial reasons. I fit the stereotype in the looks department. I was friendly, good-natured, spiritual, and came from a prominent GA family. I knew how to behave, what to say, how to keep my opinions and sense of humor to myself, and tried not to talk too much. IMO, the Mormon guys liked the quieter girls. I had a lot of marriage proposals--none of which I took seriously. A boy would say, "I love you," and I would say something like, "You don't even know me." They just knew the fake me. I had two steady boyfriends (consecutively) who were extremely social, student body officer types, who were good at hype, and have been very successful in the LDS world.

I had it wrong, and my friends who didn't date were the ones who had it right. They refused to be phony for anyone.

It was so wierd. I'd been beating the boys away with a stick since I was 7, (and I've worn glasses since age 6) but I joined the church after HS graduation, worked a year, then went to Ricks.

There I became invisible to the guys!

It was so wierd! I'd talk with a fellow, and the next time I saw him (within the week) he'd act like he'd never seen me before!
So I have never attracted the typical Mormon Male,

if there is such an animal.

But I can count that as a blessing can't I????

I don't know where I went wrong. I tried to date, but I guess I either didn't have game or was too attractive. Girls, in my experience, clam up around me a lot. I very commonly see girls breathe heavy and stiffen up, and sometimes they go into a trance. I've tried to be cool with them, but it hasn't worked. I actually thought it was a personal problem in my despair, but then realized every once in a while only the really pretty girls paying attention to me. They were the confident ones anyway. I was sick of dealing with empty-headed girls with no opinions anyway, and they tended to be Mormon, of course. One day, I'll find a good girl. I'm not worried at all. If I just mind my own business, I get girls hitting on me from time to time anyway. Mormon girls....so naive. And definitely bitches too.

Mormon Observer, I thought it was interesting that you said that people would talk to you one time and then not talk to you again. In my very own person experience, that happened to me A LOT, especially at USU. I got so pissed off about it that I started to just not care about trying. I couldn't wait to leave that place. I almost literally counted the days. Problem is, I'd do that too after a while. I'd wait to see if people would even look at me and they wouldn't, so I thought I was invisible. Glad it's not just me. Utah...

One last thing. By the time that I was pretty much done with the semester, I knew that I didn't want to be Mormon anymore, so I avoided everyone, no matter what. I swear, girls tried to talk to me and I just sadly said to myself, "It's not worth it." It made me so sad. Truly. But I knew what I wanted, a non-Mormon and would not compromise. They could have been just that, but for me, everyone up there was a Mormon.

I attended BYU, and I knew a lot of beautiful, intelligent women who only got a few first dates or hung out with male friends, but they didn't seem to get very much attention. I don't know if it was because they were too bright to buy into the fake Peter Priesthood act put on by many BYU men or if they didn't fit an accepted mold or what the problem was.

I remember all my roommates being ga-ga over the same woman at the same time. Then they'd all be into someone else. I never heard the siren call, I guess. Also, they would be opposed to whoever I was dating. "People can't figure out why you dating her? You could do better." What people? Better than what? I didn't get it. I didn't grow up in Utah, so I missed a lot of staff meetings where these unspoken rules were laid out.

Looking back, I think it was about women not having minds of their own and not being exactly like everyone else. YBU, indeed. Just some thoughts. I still think about the weird dating scene at BYU 20 years on.

Again someone needs to set up a singles exmormon dating site. Or they could add another forum to this one.

forestpal--

I was and am a democrat. I had a boyfriend hang up on me when he found out I voted for Carter. I "converted" my ex to being democrat. Hard to believe when someone gay is republican (but I know they exist). I don't know how to flirt and never tried. I couldn't beat off nonmormons.

I did marry someone extremely intelligent and appreciated me for who I am--I just wasn't the right gender?!?!?!?

and for Mak--

The mormon dating scene is worse now than it was 30 years ago--my daughter has been through h*ll over it. She is outspoken, opinionated, independent--and she finally found a mormon guy she really liked and he is supposedly "addicted to porn" and felt like he wasn't good enough for her (and she tends to be rather CONTROLLING)--and they broke up. I thought it was bad when I was dating--it has become much worse. The RM worship is much worse than it used to be.

cl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> forestpal--
>
> I couldn't beat off nonmormons.
>
>

Are you sure you were doing it correctly??!!

Good one!!! Thanks for catching that one!

You guys are right--many of the girls were just as bad. Totally unrealistic expectations on all fronts. If you didn't fit the "mold"--you didn't date.

NormaRae--my ex is from Rexburg and went to Ricks late 70s after being an RM--I had forgotten about those candle whatever ceremonies. There are a very few days I wish I had had a "normal" life, but most days, like you, I'm thankful I didn't. I really am grateful for who I married NOW.

***This was supposed to be down below.

Yes, Mak, it is MUCH WORSE as RMs are worshiped more than in the 1970s/1980s and we have porn issue. If a young guy looks at a naked picture or masturbates once a year--they are ineligible or unworthy. And they are all in some program to fix their problem.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 02:53PM by cl2.

cl2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I was and am a democrat. I had a boyfriend hang up
> on me when he found out I voted for Carter.

Yeah, that was your problem right there. I took a lot of heat for voting for Clinton in 1992. There was an incredible anger toward democrats at BYU that I didn't quite understand. But oh yes, if you admitted to voting for Carter, you would have been a pariah at a place like BYU.

>
> and for Mak--
>
> The mormon dating scene is worse now than it was
> 30 years ago--my daughter has been through h*ll
> over it. She is outspoken, opinionated,
> independent--and she finally found a mormon guy
> she really liked and he is supposedly "addicted to
> porn" and felt like he wasn't good enough for her
> (and she tends to be rather CONTROLLING)--and they
> broke up. I thought it was bad when I was
> dating--it has become much worse. The RM worship
> is much worse than it used to be.

And here I didn't think it could get any worse. I hope your daughter finds someone who appreciates her and not the fact that she goes to a certain church.

I went to Ricks in the early 70s but went to a community college in CA my Freshman year so was a Sophomore when I went to Ricks. The cute Freshman guys dated the cute Freshman girls, which was not me--I was pretty dumpy and past the Freshman year. But the real competition was trying to snag one of the RMs who went back there after their mission. They were a real minority--seems most who went there before their missions went to BYU afterwards. Back then if you couldn't get into BYU as a Freshman, the threshold was lowered for RMs and you could usually get in after the mission.

I mean, if you dated an RM you were the It girl. And if you got engaged to an RM, well, everyone else was dripping in envy. We'd do those stupid candlelighting ceremonies where you'd pass a candle around with the engagement ring attached to it and after a couple rounds, the girl who was engaged would blow it out and all the rest of us would just wallow in our jealousy.

One night I got thinking about girls in our dorm at Ricks and tried looking some up on Facebook. It was such a hoot. Even if their walls weren't visible, there were many who are now quite overweight, some who you can tell had been divorced, one girl who was just the queen of Ricks had a pic of her and her hubby--both fat and hubby bald with a beer belly. She had 9 children and I clicked on some of their pages and it was very obviously some were not TBM by a long shot and a couple were all tattooed--I mean probably her best kids but not by LDS qualifications.

It did my heart so much good. I wish I could tell those young girls at BYU and Ricks to just ignore those idiot RMs, concentrate on their careers, keep themselves fit, find a great guy who's not LDS and only have a couple kids at most and in 30 years you can just look back on those BYU girls and laugh. And it made me realize that if I'd found one of those golden RMs, I'd be in the same boat, fat with a fat bald obnoxious Peter Priesthood husband and a bunch of kids and a lifetime prescription for Prozac. I thank God(dess) all the time that I had the life that DIDN'T go according to the plan.

The guys are getting slammed on this thread but let me tell you that ALOT (not all, of course) of the girls at BYU have totally unrealistic expectations. They are just as bad as the guys when it comes to looking for Mr or Mrs Righteous.

I hung out with alot of people that were - let me just say we were on the fringe. Some were social outcasts and didn't fit in with mainstream BYU society. Others were just disgusted by the stereotypical BYU lifestyle. But even among us there was still unrealistic expectations of finding a mate.

Great yet a little nerdy type guys tended to fawn after the visually appealing (yet mentally stunted) girls that would look down on them like they were insects and I would see the same thing on the opposite side; sweet spirits in condemned tabernacles hopelessly in love with a guy they had NO chance at.

Dating at BYU is brutal. You show to much interest too fast and then your apt to make the other think you are about to pop the question. Some will only date "pioneer stock". Its sick, twisted and unhealthy. I'm surprised the divorce rate from BYU marriages isn't over 50%.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 11:49AM by kookoo4kokaubeam.

I agree some of the gals are just as bad.

I had an awful time - MoBoys were not as angelic as they wanted you to believe! Some of the worst 'grabby guys' I dated were Mormons. And of course there is the whole, "I've only dated you for two weeks but I've had a revelation that we are supposed to get married" garbage.

I actually was engaged to a guy while at BYU. When he informed me that I had 'better be pregnant within 6 months of our wedding', even though I was still working on my degree, I threw his ring back at him and ran away as fast as I could. <shudder>

Angelcowgirl, you were smart to throw his ring back. What an As___!!! And the revelation crap- pure cult talk.