I know that sounds childish & petty, but she is wasting her money on a cult that doesn't care about her. We are her family, & she puts the cult first before us. I don't want her money, but she see it as of I do. She is throwing away thousands of dollars a year despite being treated like dirt by the cult, & the fact that she only brings in about $40K a year between her wages & social security. She complains about not having enough money to pay bills & to lay for good, healthy food. Well, if you didn't pay nearly $4K to that cult, you would not be complaining!

don't.

Mos don't take challengers to their 'faith' kindly.

Chances are, she'll Double-Down.

It doesn't help that she's projecting her eating disorders onto us, & making us sick. She won't let us go shopping for her. She being so passive-aggressive with everything, especially the food. She stopped vomiting years ago, but she secretly eats all the time. Doesn't help that dad has eating disorder issues too & is always telling us that we don't even need to eat.

I can't even get my fucking life together because of this shit.

You cannot (and SHOULD not, even if you could) manipulate your mother to do what YOU think she "ought" to.

She is not a three-year-old who doesn't want to eat her peas and carrots--she is an adult who has made an adult decision (however misguided it may be).

Absent mental illness or something similar, you have little or no business trying to manipulate her to do YOUR will.

On a practical level: Starving yourself won't hurt her at all, and it WILL hurt you. You, also, are not a three-year-old.

Allow her the right to be wrong.

I am sorry for her...and for you. I wish the situation were different.

I have to do everything she says, & she still hates me. I'm never going to be good enough for her. She doesn't care about me or my sister or my dad. She doesn't care that everyone in this house already has an eating disorder. She just wants us to be sick all the time. & it doesn't help that she heaps it on with a double dose of TBM Mormon passive-aggressiveness.

Build a bridge... and get over it.

Can someone please help the OP to find the help and counseling she needs? I think this is serious, and I think this is a genuine call for help.

She is obviously a minor, and I am assuming that she lives in Utah...and I don't know how this is handled in her local area.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2014 02:01AM by tevai.

All I find is garbage having to do with 12 step programs & OA. We don't need that kind of damage to make things worse.

Do you have another place you can go live?

Relatives, maybe, that your mother would allow you to live with?

[Deleted]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2014 02:10AM by tevai.

I tell my mother to stop buying shit that is making us sick, & she doesn't care. She brings things into the house that we don't even want to eat. She just wants us to all be sick & miserable. My dads answer is to eat almost nothing.

I'm sorry.

You've done nothing wrong. I don't know how old you are or if you have any options to work and earn your own money. But if your parents are not providing food, maybe you should reach out to someone in the community and ask for help. Or if you are old enough, maybe you could get a job or do some babysitting or lawncare in the neighborhood.

Maybe you could check and see if there is a food bank in the area and get the address for your mother. But ultimately, it's not your responsibility to fix this and I wouldn't want you to feel like it falls you you. I'm just throwing out a few ideas and if one of them helps, that would be great.

It's hard being a kid in a house where the grownups aren't stepping up to the plate. Be different than them when you get the chance to be on your own.

OP, when you say your mother is bringing in food that makes you and your family sick what do you mean? Is she feeding you food that is past the expiration date or is it junk food?

I have struggled with my eating disorder for fifteen years. It's caused more damage to my mental and physical health than junk food ever could.

and I can tell you no good will come of it. Eat, drink and be merry.

Can you get into some good counseling to handle what is going on in your life?
You cannot dictate to a parent what to do or not do. That is not your place. I think you know that.
It sounds like your frustration at not being able to control more of your life is getting to you.
That is why I highly recommend counseling. Now.

I think I recognize you from previous posts. I won't say anything other than if I am right you are an adult.If you are and can't work due to physical or mental disabilities you may qualify for financial help. If so, buy your own food and do your own cooking.That will solve the immediate problem.It also sounds like you need to work on a plan to get away from toxic people.Check out counseling and financial services and get some help. Going on a hunger strike isn't going to help.As for tithing,what your mother does with her money is up to her.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2014 02:53AM by bona dea.

Punishing yourself and damaging your own body is not going to make your mother suddenly act "right". Hurting yourself won't hurt her, especially if she's as selfish as she sounds.

Please get professional counseling.

This here is the National Eating Disorder Hotline and it's for anyone who has an ED or loves someone who has an ED. That would be you. Please call right now:
Call our toll free, confidential Helpline at 1-800-931-2237

Don't they call this kind of thing Fast & Testimony?

Good luck on your weight loss program.

Please do not punish yourself by going on a hunger strike. Can you tell us exactly what type of food your mother is buying that is making you sick? I would recommend that you supplement whatever she buys with items from a local food bank. Most of what a food bank offers will be healthy nutritious food.

I also recommend that you get counseling to help you deal with your situation. You will also need to find a way to either support yourself or live on public assistance. Look at it this way -- your parents will not be around forever. How will you support yourself after they die? A counselor can get you evaluated and also help you to figure these things out.

You're an adult. She's an adult.

What makes either of you feel that you should manipulate each other? You mention she manipulates you and makes you do things -- but as you're no longer her responsibility, you're free to leave. And going on hunger strike to make her do something puts you essentially on the same moral plane.

Along with others, get counseling. There are bigger issues here than eating disorders.

I don't think this is a good idea. I think it will just cause more problems in your family.

It sounds harsh, but I think the best thing to do in your situation is to talk to your family less, or else you're going to be in this horrible situation for many more years.

If you starve yourself to death, then there is no "until."

There is lots of good advice here -- especially to seek professional counseling.

If you are a minor I think you need to talk to a school counselor. If you feel unsafe you should tell them that and see if they will help.
If you are disabled contact your local social services office and tell them you feel unsafe and need help.
If you are an adult you need to get out of there and start living your own life. it is hard but necessary.
As a child I lived in a TBM household that also had neglect, mental illness, abuse, domestice violence. After a sibling attached me and my mother convinced the police to leave without helping me so she wouldn't loose standing in the ward, I knew it was up to me.
It was very difficult but I was able to find a job, not a good one, but a job. and I found a roommate and I moved out. I put myself through college, stilling paying debts on it. But if I was going to get out of that situation I was the only one who could help me.

I honestly do not believe you are going to starve yourself *TO DEATH* to get your mom to stop tithing so she will have more money to buy the groceries YOU want to see in the refrigerator.

You sound like a person far too concerned for your own well being to do something that drastic to make a point. Voluntarily starve yourself....to death? Maybe you would go so far as to make some sucker out there believe your theater, but just like you accuse your mother, you'd be sneaking an orange or apple and a Snicker's bar or three when no one is looking before you'd let yourself fade into the dark good-night.

You're angry over the four thousand or so dollars a year she isn't spending on the food you'd like to see on the table? If you're not opposed to helping out perhaps you could consider getting a minimum wage job to supplement the food budget. That way you'd have some say over what goes on the dinner table and a little pride of contributing to the family's well being to boot.

Actually doing something to help out would make a much stronger statement than threatening to throw a starvation tantrum that everyone knows you won't really do anyway. So why trash your credibility by saying goofy stuff like that, huh?

Well stated

If you are in Utah the Center for Change is a great resource for counseling and eating disorder help. I struggled with an eating disorder myself for 16 years and I understand how difficult it can be.

I hunger striked my parents when I was younger and it worked. I'd say give it a shot, it worked for me

The question is, would that work on your parents today?

You sound really really entangled with your mother. Therapy would be good for this. Please, have your own life!

I realize now that my TBM mother paying as much tithing as she does isn't the problem. It's that everyone in the house has EDs, & my mother doesn't want anyone to get help or to change their eating habits for the better. I've had my ED for 30 years now, & it's killing me. I know I have to get help. I know that I have to be vigilant about what I eat & my binging/starving. (I do the starving thing once in a long great while for 1 day or so, but will drink water.) I know it can't be cured, & that all I can do is manage it.

I know it's the same suggestion I make each time you bring a new scenario to the board, but *please* read about learned helplessness. It's keeping you stuck. Nothing is going to change until you decide to make it happen. Your family may never, ever, ever change, but YOU can!

This sounds the same as a little kid having a tantrum until he/she gets their way.

You can't control other people. You shouldn't try to control
other people. Its immature and co dependent.

Your mother is an adult. Its her money. If she wants to flush it
down the toilet, its her business. You need to grow up.

Social security is not needed for tithes if she paid on gross all those years she was paying into SS.