Hi. I'm new to the board. I've been spending some time on this site and researching the Mormon church out of concern for my two nephews.

My sister has been a TBM since her early twenties. She is very intelligent in every way.

Except in the one way where she actually buys all that atrocious mormon doctrine and buys the story of the fourteen-year-old kid somehow finding golden plates that no one ever saw. Yeah.

Anyway, she was always a lttle kooky with her beliefs. But lately, over the past year or so, she's been going a little strange. Making snide comments about family members such as "Oh she isn't a member of our church so she doesn't believe in marraige." She makes a huge deal about our non-mormon mother smoking whenever she comes over by demading that the whole house be sprayed and opening all the windows and PRETENDING to cough. The kids starting to pretend to cough when they come over as well. I've tried to explain to them that its just so FUCKING RUDE!! She's been trying to quite for ages, its a real struggle, and it makes her feel bad every time my sister makes a big deal out of it.

She completely freaks out whenever anything that isn't G-rated shows up on TV. And I mean anything that involves hugging, kissing, worlds like "hell" and "darn", anything involving beer and smoking. She doesn't let the kids drink tea or caffeine. I was showing one nephew some pictures of dinosaurs on my computer and talk to him about evolution, and the next he visits, he tells me not to talk to him about I see on the internet because it "pollutes" his mind. I starting to think my sister doesn't believe in evolution or something.

Worst of all is the way she treats her kids! She completely spoils the younger one who's about four, and is so hard on the eight-year-old it'll be a wonder if that poor kid will ever have any self-esteem. She expects to be "perfect." Gets on his case for EVERYTHING. Not getting dressed properly, asking a question, making jokes. He gets in trouble for things he can't even remember anymore. One time he puts his plate of food on the coffe table. My sister gets off the couch and knocks the plate on the floor, and then blames him for it. She expects him to watch his four-year-old brother and if he gets upset for any reason, its his fault! The four-year-old gets knocked over by a wave at the beach, and she's all over him. The eight-year-old gets knocked over by a bigger wave, sand in his mouth, crying, scraped arms and all she says to him is WHINE WHINE WHINE and then turns away and ignores him. Four-year-pld knocks a cup of lemonade, and its the eight-year-old's for not watching so she sends him at night by himself to fetch a bucket of water. Currently he has to go to bed at 5:30 PM for two months for something he can't remember doing. Believe me, these are just some of many, many incidents. The kid is already becoming quite a sneak as well. He's getting good at lying to her.

Where am I going with all this?

My sister has been treating my nephew this way ever since he got baptised. She thinks that he has some sort of spiritual gift and should automatically know better, be the perfect Mormon Boy. Meanwhile the four-year-old is completely spoiled and does whatever he wants, and whatever he does wrong, the older one gets in trouble for it.

I'm sorry for using the board in this way. I came here too vent about this, because I'm close to my nephews and I'm so angry at what my sister is doing to those kids in the name of her religion. Its turning the oldest into a devious little sneak. He isn't as happy as he used to be.

Thank you for letting me vent. Has anyone else had any similar experiences?

Ah, poor kid has reached the "age of accountability", he is now putting his soul in danger every time he tells a white lie. See, baptism made him completely responsible for being a mature moral person. If he didn't rush off to the bishop to repent for bumping his brother at age 8 + one day, well his very soul is in danger!

I went through rather similar treatment by my mother.

No one else in the world believes an 8 year old is fully accountable. Teaching and learning must continue into and through teenage years.

I think some mormons believe the raising of a child is complete at age 8, the "age of accountability". See, they got dunked in water and some oil was dabbed on thir head. That's clearly an indicator of a mature, responible soul.

I think your sister has gone off the deep end. For example, I know plenty of Mormon moms who don't let their kids drink caffeine or think their rude behavior (like with Grandma's smoking) is actually helping set a good example. And being over-the-top about movies and alcohol. They live in a very isolated world and are very steeped in the rightness/righteousness of their behavior. They don't understand how weird they are being - they think they are being a good example to the unworthy/unwashed. And they don't understand boundaries or what rudeness is at all.

What's crazy is the way she is treating your nephew. That's heartbreaking and unacceptable. Sounds like she is extremely hard on herself about living the gospel teachings and is taking it out on her kid. It's not a Mormon teaching to be hard on your kids once they reach age 8. That is a weirdness your sister has come up with all by herself, probably based on some insecurity she has. I know my mom would go all crazy Mormon around my aunt and uncle, who are rich, jet-set non-LDS people. Plus my aunt was a model. Mom was way out of her depth in such company and she would react to her insecurities with unbelievably wacky self-righteousness. Real overblown Mormonism that you didn't see in her every day life, was taken out and paraded in front of them, just to compensate. So I wonder what is going on in your sister's head that is making her take Mormon stuff to the worst possible extent. Thank heavens your nephew has you. My advice would be to try to stay close to him and balance out what his mom is doing to him. It will be hard to deal with your sister but you could be a huge, lifesaving influence on that child. Good luck. Mormonism screws up peoples' minds and peoples' families like you wouldn't believe.

No offense, but your sister sounds like a cold hearted bitch. At least from what I've seen, kids that grow up in such a strict household with overly religious parents are always the ones that are more likely to willingly rebel. It gets to a point where enough is enough, and they start throwing their parents' belief systems out the window because they realize how terrible it's made their life. Like you said, I can see this kid getting really good at lying and sneaking around, and eventually, this kids' gonna hit his breaking point if his mom keeps controlling him in this harsh of a manner.

That's difficult for me to hear, though I do agree with you.

I don't know if this is a mormon practice to start treating eight-year-olds like adults once they get baptised or not, but I know that's when the treatment started. He was a happy sweet little kid until then. I really don't know why my sister is trying these perfection ideas in his head. After joining the church years ago, they encouraged her to get married early and have kids quickly. She ended up marrying too young with a returned missionary she didn't know too well, and it wasn't too lonng before it became an abusive marraige on both sides. They got divorced and she's been much happier since, but plans to get married within a couple years to another Mormon.

It really hit me when my nephew was eagerly showing his schoolbook. I found a list of seven bullet points with x's and O's next to them in the back. I asked what they were for, and he said "those are the days when I'm happy." Only two days had circles. It wasn't something he wanted me to see either.

Silly, I know. I don't know why that hit me so hard. I just feel like telling him to look up the problems with the book of abraham, or telling him about Joseph's wives. I can see the guilt just isn't doing any good. And he's only eight!

This sounds like a bigger problem than her religion to me. Certainly, her belief in mormonism isn't helping the issue at all, but she clearly has alot to learn about parenting. Do you have children? Is there any way you could offer to take a parenting class with her? Our local school district regularly offers parenting classes at no cost. Or there may be local agencies who offer something similar. Maybe if you offered to take a class with her, she would be willing to consider it?

I worry about her son and the long-term implications of learning to lie as a means of survival at this young age.

No, I don't have children of my own. I'm twenty-one right now. But I am not sure how suggesting parenting classes would really take. She could see it as an insult, or to go to for a laugh.

I'm not criticizing your idea, I just honestly believe she thinks there's nothing wrong with her parenting skills.

And yes, you are right about something more being wrong then simply Mormonism, though it isn't helping. She had a troubled chilhood and went through a very rebellious stage. SHe had a terrible relationship with her father growing up, and getting married much too fast. My mother says we should just stay out of it, it isn't our place to tell them what we think of her religion. I grudgingly agree.

I do have hope everything will not turn out as I keep thinking it will. One of my relatives is a Born-Again Christian who constantly preaches to us that we're going to hell and never to touch a harry potter book, but her kids turned out just fine.

This reminds me of something that I've noticed in a lot of Mormon families that I really think should be taled about.

I have seen so many Mormons families, on TV and in real life, giving birth to disabled and sick children non-stop. I have autism myself, and my sister actually told me that having more and more kids with autism is okay, because its for the church.

Its disgusting. Its DISGUSTING. DO THEY HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONSCIENCE? DO THEY NOT EVEN CARE WHAT KIND OF LIVES THEY'LL HAVE? DIBILLITATING DISEASES AND SEVERE DISABILITIES, NO, THEY DON'T CARE, ITS MORE IMPORTANT THE CHURCH GET ITS MONEY FROM, IS IT? LIFE AT ANY COST, THAT THE MORMON WAY!!

She sounds like a full-blown nutter. Somebody should tell her that if she doesn't shart behaving better, God is going to hold her accountable for being such a shrew.

Maybe that logic would make sense in whatever universe she is living in. In a church chock-a-block with people who have gone apeshit, she has gone farther than most.

LOL! I agree there!

This is all very sad. I grew up in a home with a mother who was fanatic LDS. I was very sheltered. She even home taught me in order to keep my mind from being polluted by the outside world. She wasn't abusive, but was firm. When my father left the church, she didn't know how to handle it. She made sure that he never saw his kids so that he couldn't influence them with his evilness. She took the church as literally as anyone possibly can.

Looking back, I can't be mad at her. It was all she knew. I have to remind myself that she pushed it on me out of genuine concern for my well being. The church pushes it on people out a genuine concern for that 10% and all the future tithe payers that they will produce.

There will be real trouble in the future for your sister. Her eight year old is going to rebel because, like rallychild said, he's going to remember nothing but how miserable this religion has made him.

I have a relative who also has very poor parenting skills. Her child is 3. In order to stop him from getting into things, they tie the fridge shut, lock him in his room at night (because he won't stay in if they don't lock it). As I see it, they are teaching him that anything he isn't allowed to do, someone will be there to phyiscally stop him. He is not taught ANY self restraint. Poor kid is going to grow up thinking that he can do anything he wants unless someone physically stops him. There is going to be trouble. Is this family Mormon? Oh, hell yea.

Sorry, I didn't mean to rant, but no, Symboline, you are not the only person who is frustrated by how the church influences poor parenting. I'd pray for them, but I'm an atheist now!

If she's putting the eight-year old in charge of the four-year old, then both kids are endangered. She needs to be reported to Social Services. I believe this can be done anonymously.

She needs to be reported to Social Services. She is being negligent by having an 8 year old in charge of a 4 year old and she is being psychologically abusive. Oh this poor boy! My heart aches for him.

Monson specifically addressed Mormon judging, using the analogy of the woman saying her neighbors didn't know how to wash the clothes that were Hung to dry in their yard. One day she days Oh they finally figured out how to get their clothes clean. The husband said "no, I just washed the windows this morning."

Thank you all for the kind responses! Yes, she is a single mother. The father isn't too bad with his beliefs, but he really has it in for her. His entire family is Mormon. The most psychotic family I've ever seen. His mother is convinced she's being spied on by the government.

It isn't just me who's trying to help, though. My sister and her kids are the only ones in the family who are Mormon. Me, My parents, my uncle, my brothers and two other sisters are not Mormon. My sister doesn't try to push her beliefs on us, for which I am very thankful. None of us agree with how she's raising those kids.

However, I'm taking this idea of the eight-year-old watching the four-year-old seriously. IT IS dangerous. There have been many times when my sister has visited us and then neglected to keep watch on her kids while she's visting. Letting them go out into the backyard alone, where there are tools and all sorts of things that the four-year-old might get at. I can remember times when the little one would play with electrical outlets, he crawled underneath a lamp that had a crack in it and it nearly fell on him, let him rummage around in the fridge and the drawers, and one time he actually he ran out into the living room with a knife in his hand.

I really, really wish I was just a troll and making all this up. I really do. My other sister and I freaked out and took it from him. If he had fallen over, it could have killed him. Meanwhile my TBM sister is talking on the phone. I tell her what had just happened, and she just laughed it off.

Looking back now, I should have slapped the s*** out of her. But no, I was too spineless to say anything.

The little one stopped getting into so much danger in our house when his older brother was put in charge of him. Ever since the knife incident, my mother and I had been watching them like hawks whenever they came over.


So anyway, again I apologize for using the boards in this way. I have read many stories on this site and I know the boards are for people with far greater problems then mine. I have a tendency to just harp on and on about it, so I wanted to go somewhere that I could let off steam about what's going on.

Thank you all for the responses.

Welcome and glad you can vent here. It is so odd what your sister is doing. It is hard on families when one kid strays into and joins a cult. Your concern for your nephews is admirable. I bet she doesn't allow you or parents to be with them alone, huh? So she is a single mom now? What about the Dad? Boy she needs some help - she is nutty.

Just be a good aunt and show them unconditional love. Best wishes. I deal with this too....my daughter converted and my 15 mo. old grandson doesn't deserve the life that will lie ahead regarding the cult. Thinking of you and those boys.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2010 09:19PM by honestone.