I'm a 40-yr old married BIC male with two teenage boys. Live in the SLC suburbs. Have an opportunity to leave the state with my employer (large publicly traded company). Now that I'm recently out of the church, should I leave behind my active wife and believing sons? They're anchored to my in-laws also in SLC, would never ever leave.

I would counsel a 40-yr old male polygamist who discovered the truth about his cult to leave immediately, to leave everything behind and just bolt. Leave family, friends, home, etc. There's a real but arduous world out there to experience. No mind yank. Just life and mental health.

I'm very much considering doing the same. Or am I over-reacting? Any thoughts or actual experience doing same? Regrets or success?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2014 01:06AM by doubleb.

Maybe with a try...you could always come back.

Divorce is a legitmate option where abuse is part of the relationship. TBMs have been known to abuse their apostate spouse and poison the relationship with the children.

I don't know how to justify leaving your kids. You got them in the Mormon church, help them out. They'll need the help of their dad to protect them from the Mormon church and provide them with healthy alternatives.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2014 01:33AM by gentlestrength.

Are you a modern day polygamist? Even if you are, It's not a good thing to use as an excuse to abandon your kids.

Have you explored different avenues to keep your family together, or are you just looking for an excuse to bolt?

Nobody but you knows if you should leave or not. I would suggest you at least go through some therapy to figure out exactly what the problems are. What does polygamy have to do with it???

Modern day females polygamists run for their lives. Is this your wife's situation? Is she the one that should be running?

So many unanswered questions. I don't think you've done your homework yet. Before you leave, you owe it to your family and yourself to look at the problems, and the options.

What does other peoples polygamy have to do with anything?

Let me clarify my question, madalice. No, I'm not a polygamist. My wife is not a polygamist. I was trying to convey an analogy.

My question is whether I should run away from the LDS church and all of its appurtenances (my wife, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my in-laws) all of whom are very active members today.

I know that, as an example, that someone in a cult like the Moonies or Jehovah's Witnesses or in the polygamist sects should run away from those oppressive organizations ... including running away from their families.

I'm asking whether you think the LDS church rises to the same level as other cults. Should I run away from all thing LDS and move away from Utah and seek a new life, or am I over-reacting and the LDS mindset really isn't all that intrusive. I'm curious what your opinion is.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/22/2014 10:42AM by doubleb.

I don't think that there was enough information in your original post for us to give you advice. Have you tried to make it work? How did your wife and sons take the news? Each persons experience is different. Some folks can make it work with one person out and another TBM.

So are your children (who you didn't prevent from being raised TBM) toxic to you?

You're not coming off well in either post.

Lots of people manage to go ex-Mo right here in Utah. So it's not too 'intrusive' unless you desire to be surrounded by people that agree with you. Which you're not really going to find anywhere.

Lots of people precipitate their spouse's departure. Running away from your wife -- and let's not mince words here -- makes you a coward. You owe it to her to at least explain your position.

Failing that, lots of others (SuzieQ probably can offer the best insight) make it work with a believing spouse.

There is a wide difference between the polygamist girls who are impressed into marriage at 14 and your situation. I wouldn't bother making the comparison.

You're overreacting. Find a counselor, try to work things out with your wife. Abandoning (which is what you seem to be proposing) them is not really a solution for anyone but you.

You have found a way out that may seem to work for you right now. However, you will be taking yourself with you.

Try working through your misery now, BEFORE leaving, and get yourself in a better place.

As easy or hard as it is to blame others for your own happiness/sadness, the truth is that you are the only one who is responsible for you (and your happiness). No one else.

Get your self in a better place NOW, then you will be better able to determine your course and path. You may still choose to leave but regrets/remorse decline. A win - win for you.

Be real.

If you have children, they must come first.

I don't think your analogy is a good one - mainstream Mormonism does not rise to the level of cult as some of the polygamist sects. You are not in any danger (I'm assuming), you don't live on a compound, and your children aren't facing being married against their will.

Do not abandon your kids just because they are still in the church! I'm disturbed that you're even considering it. I don't know, maybe you're not a good father and you recognize that. But even in that case, divorcing and seeing them just on the weekends is better than what you're suggesting.