But I'm going to leave anyway because I can see that this is definitely not the place for me.

I thought that if I posted under another name I could try to get my points & opinions across without getting upset or without any baggage.

I'm not mentally ill, BTW. My only friend helped me see that.

ETA — I outed myself because I thought the bully who had hijacked the "fashion police" name had figured out who I was, & was taunting me. Yes, I know that's paranoid, but that's my reasoning.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2014 03:28PM by Tristan.

Hi Tristan. I saw your post on the other thread. Keep in mind that I'm a former Catholic, and I don't always respond to Catholic themed posts. So if two people are duking it out I would just ignore them.

Someone hijacked a screen name? I didn't see that. Do report that if you see it.

I don't know what to do. I want to stay & keep posting, but I know most people here don't like me. I have caused so many problems. I know people want me to leave permanently, & hope I do so. This is the only Exmo space I have ever felt comfortable in though, despite all these problems.

Have you tried that "other" site (rhymes with 'said-it')? r/ exmormon has a much different atmosphere (more light hearted and sarcastic).

The whole site is handy, you get to see memes days or weeks before they show up on your facebook feed :)

I don't use that site, & I don't like the way it works, or even the site itself, for multiple reasons.

So, it's the actual R site I have problems with, not the Exmos the post in the sub on the R site.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2014 08:31PM by Tristan.

I think that you are mistaken in your perception. From what I've observed, people are not only fine with you being here, but are rooting for you. I know that I am.

Sorry for the now multiple threads.

It's best if I leave. I don't belong here. People here have hurt me, bullied me, negated my life experience.

People that bully here bully in real life if they can...you cant check out of life is my point...dont worry about what other people think too much...it is nice to have validation from others but dont let that control you...some people are more "vocal" about things and some people just kinda watch the "action" from the sidelines and they may not say much...I have not been on RFM regularly for a while now...I remember you, in a good way...but that said, do whats best for you. :)

Why bother. Every word I ever tried to invest is ignored.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/24/2014 02:24AM by WinksWinks.

I could search for your past posts and see what you're talking about, but I'm too lazy.

I read the board for insight and humor and human interest stories. Surely you have at least one of those.

This going to be my last post here.

While I'm at it, I'm going to be completely transparent, & list all of my names here.

• AnonInCA (on the old board before the new one)
• Tristan-Powerslave
• Infinite Dreams
• Tristan
• LOLILOL
• Solitary Loner
• Fashion police
• Abused by TSCC

There now you can all read almost every crazy, fucked up thing I've written, analyze, & discuss it. & talk as much bullishit about me behind my back as you want.

I do have to say the having my LGBT status negated on this board was especially cruel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2014 10:13PM by Tristan.

Tristan, every time you post something like this I watch so many people from this board reach out to you. People care, open your eyes dear. People here care about you. So let them.

manipulation

I deleted the content because it's too painful for me to talk about.

Everything about my whole life makes me invalid by everyone. It doesn't matter at all, not once aspect of it. I am invisible.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/23/2014 11:44PM by Tristan.

Is it possible that you are being a bit overly sensitive to some of the conversations on this forum? I haven't seen anything negative towards you recently, but I also don't read every thread. But there does seem to be a consistency in your posts that indicate a very negative self image. You are not invisible. I can't see your face but I read your words. You haven't been negated, at least not from what I see. But don't confuse debate with attacks. It is ok that we don't all agree, doesn't that make life, and this forum, more interesting?

And I want to say one more thing which may be hard to hear but can give you insight. Frequently posting negative things about yourself gets exhausting for others. Many tell you how important you are (and you are!) but after awhile it feels like you are fishing for positive reinforcement. RFM can be an excellent place for you to vent, to talk with others, but it cannot be your only support system. And when people do give you positive feedback it isn't always accepted. This keeps people from wanting to engage.

Life is what you make of it, and you are in control. Stop worrying so much about what others think. And it is ok to get angry! Just own it. :)

+1
I have always tried to offer you support, but it seems to fall on deaf ears which is pretty frustrating after awhile.

I've seen many people support you here and on other forums (using those screen names). It does seem to fall on deaf ears, sadly.

Tristan, I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry you're so angry. I'm sorry that you've experienced cruelty in your life. You consistently have a very negative self-perception that seems to create a shell in which no positive is allowed. And that's quite sad to see. I hope some day that you allow folks back in.

That said...

I'm also sad that you feel the need to mock and comment cruelly about others in your life, and don't appear from your posts to realize that they, just like you, just like me, are human beings with their weaknesses and pain. I do think that some of the negativity you experience is from things you project out - whether it's reciprocated or self-perceived, I don't know... but a lot of the issues you're having do seem to be self-created.

I hope you'll find the path to serenity someday, whichever way that leads you.

I read what you wrote before you delete it. It made me angry enough that I chose not to respond at the time.

However, no matter what you say there are people who care about you here. Fucking forgive them for not being here to give you support every fucking second you need it. They were 'silent' on one post. Did you think that maybe they weren't on the board at that time? I know I don't hang around here 24/7.

People have tried to give you support, give you advice. Obviously that isn't what you want or need. So please pray tell people what you need. We aren't mind readers.

Do you have a psychiatrist?

This whole thing is both weird and hard to follow.

I totally get it. I mean sure, there are countless humans suffering cold, exposure, hunger, rape, torture, slavery, war, disease and death, but what's all that in comparison to how someone gets treated in an anonymous online community?

Right?

If people are responding to you in the same manner even when you are using anon handles then it isn't about you, it's those individuals.

if you aren't comfortable here, then leave. But it seems like maybe you are taking these things personally when they aren't personal.

Often it is how we perceive a situation that may be skewed, for whatever reason, and another day we may find that we see things differently. That happens to me quite often.

And yes, even though this is "just" an online discussion board it can get to feel like community of a sort. I have felt hurt at times by things people have posted. It can feel like you've bonded with certain posters and then there is emotion involved, for some of us at least, concerning our interactions on the board.

But the solution has to be with ourselves. After many yrs here, I can say that the chances of changing other posters or how the board works or the flow or dynamics of the board are very low.

So instead we have to go with the flow and, most importantly, find our resources and places of comfort in real life for the most part.

True enough, some posters and lurkers come at it in more of an emotional way, due to their experiences and needs at that time, and their issues are different from others who approach the board in a more cerebral way, enjoying the exchange of ideas and the discussions, not necessarily needing the emotional support that other posters are looking for at certain times. I think that explains a lot about how different people have such varying experiences with the board. Still, it is up to ourselves how we interpret and react to our interactions with other posters. As I said, they aren't going to change to suit us, especially when so much of the time our emotional needs are invisible. No doubt many of us have longed for support at certain times and it hasn't been forthcoming. I don't see that as a failure of the board or its participants. It's just the luck of the draw really, at which times we post and who is on board then and takes the time to respond to our words. Even then they may not say what we want to hear.

I used to get really upset when I first started posting at the idea that there was anything to laugh about regarding Mormonism, as I was still feeling hurt and down and embarrassed and questioning and ignorant about it all. As time has gone by, I have enjoyed the humour and lighthearted attitudes more. I realize it's me that has changed, not others, due to a wider perspective with time.

That likely doesn't help someone who is hurting at this moment, for whatever reason, but it's the viewpoint I have now after 10+ yrs of posting here. I hope that in general most people who stop by have a positive experience here, whatever they feel they need at any given moment.

This is just, the worst.

“I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me. Like the bodiless heads you see sometimes in circus sideshows, it is as though I have been surrounded by mirrors of hard, distorting glass. When they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves or figments of their imagination, indeed, everything and anything except me.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man


“I was pulled this way and that for longer than I can remember. And my problem was that I always tried to go in everyone's way but my own. I have also been called one thing and then another while no one really wished to hear what I called myself. So after years of trying to adopt the opinions of others I finally rebelled. I am an invisible man.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

It's too bad you feel they way you do.
You've posted many times on topics that made good points and really added to the conversation. I haven't agreed with all of them either. But I'm sure that could be said for every single one of us.

We don't know who you are Tristan but most of us have empathy, concern for your well being.

Don't be intimidated here....

Mormonism is painful and it creates shame and low self-esteem. I have PTSD because of it and I trigger a lot.

I wonder if you're just triggering right now? Something about Mormonism you haven't digested out of your system?

You have my sympathy.