Crying and pleading the YW not to marry outside the church Counsellor. We actually had one of those. I think she was called to do other things as well, but that's the one she excelled at.
Haha. I was inactive for a little while toward the end but I had mentioned to a EQP guy that I really liked sports; just like magic, I was called as a sports coordinator!
Make me feel important, and I'm all yours. Tom's fprmer boss Gordon claimed that every new member needed a friend a calling and to be nourished by the good word of God. Of those three, the calling or job, was the only thing that was real. Even if your friends at church were fake and you knew it, and even if you had a heavily creaking shelf, you still had people counting on you to fulfill your duties. I've known and been people who stuck it out longer simply because of a sense of duty to callings.
A new calling is now available in each ward: Womanstop. The womanstop of the ward is to make sure that female members do not stray too far from the kitchen. Unfortunately women will not be able to fill the calling, even though many of them would like to, because for no reason at all it is a priesthood position.
If anyone would like to discuss the need for a womanstop position in each ward, the disciplinary councils are held on Sunday nights at 7 pm at your previous ward.
Note that despite being surprisingly realistic, the above post is fiction.
My BYU wards had SM greeters...several of them, so you only had to "greet" every other week. There were also hymnal distributors.
Relief Society Committee is the biggest made up calling in the current ward. There are a couple dozen members. They meet exactly zero times per month, and aren't involved in planning anything. There's a separate group that plans quarterly enrichment activities. The presidency does everything else.
Chump Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > My BYU wards had SM greeters...several of them, so > you only had to "greet" every other week. There > were also hymnal distributors. > > Relief Society Committee is the biggest made up > calling in the current ward. There are a couple > dozen members. They meet exactly zero times per > month, and aren't involved in planning anything. > There's a separate group that plans quarterly > enrichment activities. The presidency does > everything else.
Filling empty slots with busy people, just to make them feel more busy and empty. One day they will have dancing sign twirlers out front which read "come meet Jesus... just outside the back door".
Only in Utah. Here in the mission field men are made EQ president within months of baptism just because they actually come to church. Here in the mission field active men and women tend to hold multiple big callings. It's outrageous and luckily I have nothing to do with it any longer. Apparently when we left several people with stake callings had to be brought back to fill the void.
Our ward keeps getting smaller and smaller due to families moving out or families leaving the church (mine and another family in the last year). Responsible, leader type members have multiple callings now because no one else is there to do them. The few recent baptisms (that stick) have been needy families or youth. Two are teens that come from broken homes that need rides everywhere.
But, the church is growing you guys! The gospel is here to stay!(told to me by a member of our ward)
My TBM BFF invited me to the blessing for her Visiting Teaching calling.
Before she received hers one of the lady's received a BS calling with an even more ridiculous blessing to go along with it. I started chuckling because I honestly thought it was some kind of joke, but when I realized he was dead serious I shut my trap.
Tons of people complaining about their callings including a newly called Bishop of a friend's father made it clear to me that the "callings" were not at all inspired but convenient and sometimes desperate. Not to mention all the people who were "called for something completely inappropriate, like sacrament pianist when they had never taken lessons in their life.
I seem to recall an ensign article about this very thing, from way back. they suggested that everyone be given a calling straignt away, their first week in church ---- such as usher or hymn book putter outer & collector upper.
I seem to recall that, as a new YA convert, I was 'called' to be usher pretty soon after I joined.
of course, nowadays, they can call everyone to be a toilet cleaner
I was the assistant to the assistant ward clerk. I was in charge of ordering supplies from the distribution center. It involved looking at what we had, ordering a few books, and then ordering a couple cases of sacrament cups every few months.
I was a MBA student at the time, over 30 years old and was given the calling after telling the bishop "only an idiot would take a calling like EQP to distract them while paying $25K a year for a competitive program like this."
It was made clear that they had to get express permission from the stake to make this calling because "every member needs a calling"
Here are my favorite pretend callings I've "sustained" someone to at Church:
Multi-Stake Young Single Adults Sports Couple. You open the church so some unmarried 20-something's can play basketball.
Indexing Specialist. You sit behind a laptop and look at porn. erm. I mean Family History, or something.
Ethnic Liaison. You "liaise" with whatever ethnic minority is in your ward. You don't have to speak their language, or know anything about them to fulfill this calling. (Still don't know what the actual duties are...)
2nd Counselor in the Stake Sunday School Presidency. 7th String Bellringer for 2nd hour, stake wide. If the 4 people at the ward level aren't available and couldn't find a substitute, and the 2 people at the stake level ahead of you also aren't available, you get the awesome privilege of touching the sacred bell at the Lord's house for about 3/10ths of a second.
Priesthood Pianist. Your job is to play 1 verse of 1 hymn, 1 time a week. No experience or training required.
Elders Quorum Activities Committee Co-Chairperson. Hold a meeting to talk about planning another meeting, where you'll make plans for an activity, but not before at least 3 more meetings to plan.