We've all heard it in some form "You think you are happy but you don't have the blessings of the gospel so you really don't know what it means to be happy." Or maybe "those who indulge in sin rather than follow the gospel path only think they are happy." Or even this gem a TBM high school friend posted on Facebook:

I know how much you like thrills, adventure, and excitement. Do you want excitement? I’ll give you excitement. Do you realize you are outnumbered in the world 1,000 to 1? The sons of Helaman didn’t face those odds. As the winds of popular opinion intensify and the mocking increases from those who are trying to justify their own unrighteous actions, you will be required to put on the full armor of God. You will need to fight with all of your strength to keep unspotted from the world. We plead with you to stay true—not for us, but for you. - Glenn L. Pace, “They’re Not Really Happy,” Ensign (CR) November 1987

And yet it's Mormons who have a higher rate of anti-depressant usage, Utah that has one of the highest rates of plastic surgery in the nation, implying people aren't happy with themselves the way they are and Mormons who attend sacrament meetings with the joy and rejoicing of those who are attending a funeral. Here's the irony - many non-LDS who know a Mormon at all think that either Mormons don't seem happy or seem afraid or seem like their happiness is fake and shallow rather than deep and authentic. Next time a Mormon says something like that to me, maybe I should laugh and say "That's funny - that's what everyone else thinks of Mormons." Of course, they'd probably respond that it's because non-LDS don't really know what happiness is so they don't recognize it when they see it ... sigh.

In my adult lifetime I've spent 29 year as a Mormon, and 17 years as a non mormon. If I had to compare the two, I am happier being a non mormon.

As a non mormon I'm allowed to think, have questions and opinions. I can voice those, and nobody thinks there's anything wrong with it. I didn't have that luxury as a Mormon.

As a mormon, I was shushed quite a bit. Either that or someone would try to shame me with dirty looks and nasty comments. I was not allowed to be myself. I refused to medicate myself to make others happy. I wasn't interested in burying my personality with anti depressants.

Yes, it did seem to me that a lot of Mormons have their knives out in order to keep you in line with unfair gossip, dirty looks, passive aggressive comments - whatever it took to keep other members "on script." None of those habits are a sign of a happy, contented individuals

I get this a lot by certain types of Mormons where I live. It tends to happen when I refuse to acknowledge them as these superior beings that I'm supposed to be in awe of. I treat them like any other person in the world but apparently they don't think they are like any other person. They're . . . royalty?

I've heard some form of that, "you just THINK you're happy, you're really miserable," so many times since I resigned my membership that I lost count a long time ago.

My reply now is, "call it whatever you want. I'll take this so-called misery over mormon "happiness" any day of the week, including all eternity."

Apparently Glenn L Pace never attended a 3 hour block. There is nothing exciting about the church. Just thinking about having to sit through another 3 hour block makes me want to scratch my eyes out with boredom.

I feel that I'm definitely happier outside the confines of TSCC. My only source of discontent is the divide that was created between me and my DW.

Once I came to accept that it was all an illusion, I felt at peace.

Hold Your Tapirs Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I feel that I'm definitely happier outside the
> confines of TSCC. My only source of discontent is
> the divide that was created between me and my DW.
>
>
> Once I came to accept that it was all an illusion,
> I felt at peace.


Absolutely. I feel so sorry for DW and the active kids and gkids. I've never felt so secure and at peace as I am now.

Clap your hands if you feel like a room without a roof!

I hope you don't mind if I steal that line for my own use. "That's what everyone else thinks of Mormons." Hahaha.

I may not be a deep thinker, but it seems to me that if I think I'm happy, then I'm F-ing happy! Works for me.

They think non-Mormon fun is immature and ephemeral. Real happiness comes from serving God (as defined by LDS, Inc.). Enjoying a picnic with friends or a day at Lagoon with your family is just fleeting joy.

The truth is that life is made up of joyful moments like that. Selling your life for some ethereal happiness that may or may not happen later is a game for fools. People are happy because they are enjoying themselves and their kith & kin, not because they are slavish pursuing a goal imposed on them from above.

Define "happiness" please. If happiness is being fully satisfied with oneself, mormons are the least happy group in humanity.

Thinking you know someone better than they know themselves is supreme arrogance. Actually saying it out loud is supreme rudeness.

I heard the "aren't really happy" phrase my entire life and I based my mission farewell speech on it. Even as a TBM missionary, though, I noticed all the people I was running into seemed pretty damned happy and were laughing and smiling as much as your are supposed to. The seemed to love and enjoy their children just as much too. Hmmmmmnnn. I stopped buying into the Mormon "lock on happiness" thing about that time.

I love all these responses. I wanted to hit "like" on every single one. Great insights and comments.

How can Mormons truly be happy if they must avoid light-mindedness and loud laughter?

...and how can you have light-mindedness and loud laughter without speaking evil of the Lard's anointed??

That one always makes me smile. I am married (41 years) to my precious nevermo bride...we have 2 children who we love dearly, and 3 incredible grandchildren who we love and treasure more than we could have ever imagined (who know nothing about Mormonism). We have a beautiful home on our farm and our hard work has given us a good retirement and have never given a red cent to the LDS cult. We are blissfully happy. Enough said.

Ron Burr

How can you define someone else's happiness? After I joined the church, people at work told me I looked sad and asked what was wrong. I was surprised because I didn't feel sad. But sometimes our body knows something our mind doesn't want to admit. After I left the church, I never got asked that question.

Church members asked why I wasn't married. It wasn't a question, it was an accusation. I'm still not married. Mormons like stuffing people into their little mormon-box and thinking it is the only way to be happy.

I really hate the, "you're not really happy" reasoning! Whether I'm happy or not, the church still isn't true. Even in times of unhappiness the fact that Joseph Smith showed a consistent pattern of behaviour that would put him in the same category as L. Ron Hubbard, David Koresh and every other charismatic founder of a cult--does not change. Whether I feel happy or sad, it does not change the fact that Brigham Young was a tyrant, that the priesthood means absolutely nothing, and that the BOA has nothing to do with Abraham. Furthermore, it most certainly does not change the fact that the modern church is a giant, self serving corporation that exploits its members.

The happy/sad condescension tool, is another way to detract focus from the actual truths. It gives members something to hold onto to comfort them as they endure to the end. Happiness isn't a constant. Part of the human experience often mandates that we aren't happy in every circumstance. It's part of being human. So,I'm not about to convince someone I don't know that I'm happy 24/7 because I'm not a happiness robot and more importantly it's none of their business.

I hope that rant made sense. Never type rants on your phone when you have uncoordinated thumbs.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2014 06:35AM by sassypants.

Many exmos are angry, depressed or frustrated at the beginning. Turning your world upside down is not easy. TBMs cite this as proof they are sinning and need to come back. However, most exmos are pretty content once they reestablish themselves in a life without LDS constraints.

TBMs are angry that anyone dared question their church. They want blood and have no sympathy for her or Dehlin. They are very defensive and derisive to anyone who does not praise their church. This shows they are very insecure in their beliefs and therefor not happy.

To tell someone that they are not really happy shows jealousy and resentment. Mormons give a lot to a church that does not love them back, and it makes them anxious.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2014 09:27AM by axeldc.

Let's see:

- Last Saturday I went out for a nice Italian meal with friends rather than attend the evening session of stake conference (no doubt on the topic of 'Hating the work')
- Last Sunday I took the boys swimming to an outdoor pool and we ate ice creams, rather than attend the general session of stake conference (no doubt also on the topic of 'Hating the work')

It's so miserable being an exmo.

I grew up LDS, and it wasn't until I found out that my worth wasn't dependent on my performance that I found true happiness. And isn't that the basis of the Mormon church? IF you follow the commandments you'll get blessings. IF you listen to your parents...IF you pay your tithing. Totally conditional. I had never heard the word grace until I was 32. Who could have happiness when they are constantly set up for failure? I see my parents pity me (and my husband who wants me to go back to church pity AND loathe me) because I'm lacking "eternal blessings," and I'm happier than I've ever been, but sad as hell for them that they strive and work for a God that seems so mean, one-sided, and almost hateful.

I think I would respond, "Why is it that you *need* me to be unhappy?" -- because such a statement says a lot more about TBMs and their needs than it does about you.

They don't like going to church. They don't like paying tithing, teaching seminary, going on missions, doing home teaching, etc. They view their lives as a sacrifice for a greater good while you are shirking your duties for cheap thrills. They have to justify their misery by aiming for a higher goal and a better happiness.

You get to go swimming on Sunday; they get to go live with Jesus. You get to drink alcohol; they get to be a forever family. You get to save your money; they get live in Heaven. As one childhood friend put it today: "those [TBMs] who searched out their hearts and minds and found that the sacrifice taken to find out for oneself that it is true was of greater consequence then [sic] giving in to what is easier or less painful."

Your happiness is ephemeral while theirs is everlasting. They fought the good fight while you were too lazy to remain true. If it turns out that the LDS Church is a fraud, then they have wasted their lives serving a manipulative organization while you have enjoyed your life on your terms.

Ah, 1987... I was in high school then. I so wish I could have been able to deconstruct Mr. Pace's statement then as I can now. The statement is so damaging and fearful. It simultaneously perpetuates both a persecution and superiority complex, I stills fear, and creates an us vs. them world. I especially love how sickeningly manipulative this line is: "We plead with you to stay true—not for us, but for you."

(Hugs to teenage me, who didn't know any better.)

turned out to be a fucking mess. Many Mormons (including my daughter) tend to think that my life became a fucking mess after I left. Why would I want to go back and live that fucking mess. Trying to do everything right and yet everything kept going wrong?

Now that I've been with my boyfriend for over 9 years, I think the ward members are finally convinced it is going to last. I was going to say, "Of course, they think I'm unhappy." Actually, my neighbor told my daughter, "Your mom seems very happy." I know my daughter doesn't believe it.

I've made "sense" out of the mess they made of OUR lives. I do believe they have to say what they do because they are envious of the freedoms we have.

"They think they're happy, but they don't know what real happiness is."

I heard that so many times I want to puke.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2014 10:28AM by Leaving.

If your idea of happiness is never feeling good enough, never being righteous enough, never being obedient enough, then yes--Mormons are the only truly happy.

If denying your deepest self and not fulfilling your dreams is your idea of happiness then yes, Mormon's are the happiest.

If you get off on judging others, blowing their candles out so that yours appears to burn brighter, then yes, Mormons are the happiest of them all.

If your church counts more than your sweetheart, or your son or daughter, and time fulfilling callings is more important to you than being spending time with your loved ones, being there for your kids, then yes, Mormons are truly the happy ones.

If you love antidepressants even as you abhor coffee, and if you like attending the funerals of the young gay kids . . .



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2014 10:33AM by blueorchid.

"blowing their candles out so that yours appears to burn brighter" is an absolute gem. I'd never heard that before. Love it!

I think they say that to help themselves believe that the church is true. Because if the reverse were true (that those who are not Mormon are happy, which we all know it is), it could point to the church being false (god forbid).

Also, I think they themselves are not happy or as happy as they could be and a small part of them knows this. It's said outloud to help enforce their forced belief that they are happy.

It's pretty ironic that they they think they know what both sides feel, when they've only been on one side of the fence. We exmos have been on both sides of the fence; therefore, I think we are the better judge of what either side is feeling. If exmos were so miserable and unhappy, doesn't it make sense that we'd jump back to the other side of the fence if all the happiness is over there? Oh, wait, there I go using logic again.

We were out with friends and the topic of kidney stones came up - I think someone we knew had one or something. Anyway, someone mentioned that kidney stones are said to be more painful than childbirth. Dh asked "how would they know that?" Easy, they asked women who have experienced both childbirth and kidney stones. We as exmos have experienced both, TBMs have experienced one, yet they feel qualified to tell the world how it feels to experience both.

Last week I was talking to my TBM dad about my goal, to not take life so serious. That the purpose of life is joy. He told me that this cannot be true because it is "too easy".

Maybe that's a clue?