OK. So that thread on the “Biggest pile of crap story from BOM” was fun, right ?

( http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1302761 – Thanks to Fashion police ! )

But what about the D&C where we get to see the Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr. in all his full-blown pathological glory ?

Of course D&C 132 gets lots of air-time because it concerns polygamy which so near and dear to the Mormon-man heart.

And then there is the so-called Word of Wisdom in D&C 89 - the source of all Mormon coffee-phobia.

Ziller’s favorite is D&C 104 where the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth, the Universe and Everything (aka Joseph Smith, Jr.) condescends to take time from His busy schedule to micro-manage some minor real estate transactions; i.e.:

"28 - And let my servant Oliver Cowdery have the lot which is set off joining the house, which is to be for the printing office, which is lot number one, and also the lot upon which his father resides."

This somehow qualifies in Mormondum as sacred revelation / holy scripture.

Isn’t it obvious to any semi-objective reader of the D&C that these are the blasphemous blatherings of a simple minded con artist who is manipulating his even more simple minded followers in the name of G. O. D. ?

What is your opinion on the biggest pile of crap Section from the D&C ?

ziller

D&C 130 discredits almost everything about God that the rest of the revelations say about it.

D&C 122 is supposedly a revelation from God to Joe, but it is lifted directly out of the same paragraph of the letter that comprises 121,122 and 123, which was written by Joe to the membership of the church.

D&C 130 is a mix of all kinds of crap. The last verse also invalidates the LDS idea of the GIFT of the Holy Ghost:

"130:23 A man may receive the Holy Ghost, and it may descend upon him and not tarry with him."

No "constant companionship"?

Well, no, because the HG runs away at the first hint of sin, nay, the first THOUGHT of sin. He bugs out just when one would need him most. Worthless deity.

I want to be the first to nominate Section 77, JS's explanation of the Book of Revelation.

v. 6-7, the earth is only a few thousand years old.

v. 11, the 144,000 Mormon HPs. A bunch of old-timers claimed that they were part of the 144K. Probably in a lot of patriarchal blessings too.

The gift stops giving after Revelation chap. 11. Nothing for the last half of the book. Maybe JS got tired, or couldn't figure out anything to say.

Can't be bothered to look it up, but the one about Zion being in Missouri has to be mentioned also.

D&C 129 - testing if a messenger is a resurrected being or a spirit by attempting a handshake. If it is a spirit, it cannot shake hands.

In the temple, we know that Peter, James, and John, who are apostles of the Lord JC visit the man Adam. They give unto him the first token of the APH. How can they do this if they haven't even received a physical body yet?

Spirits having sandy colored hair. I always thought that one was very weird.

129 was written after the masonic rituals were implemented into temple worship.
The reason for the handshakes in masonry is to identify oneself as a member, one who belongs to the craft or guild. I don't think this is really about angels, but about being sure that only polygamist insiders are allowed into certain activities of the temple.

To the public church, 129 is a guide to identifying good or bad spirits but to the initiated, it is to know who is to be trusted with secrets. And as Joseph Smith said, the secret of masonry is to keep a secret.

Sounds almost like it was written by a bonafide shakedown artist.

Oh yeah I always thought that shaking hands with an angel to tell what they were part was weird, even as a member.

I think section 132 is evil.

Another gem is the verses that say that those who are not sealed to their spouse will be servants and have to wait on couples who are sealed, for eternity in the CK. I never thought that was quite fair.

Just pick a random section and start reading. It's all crap.

As an example, section 19. After blathering on about endless and eternal punishment for a while, Jesus says to Martin Harris:

"13 Wherefore, I command you to repent, and keep the commandments which you have received by the hand of my servant Joseph Smith, Jun., in my name;

14 And it is by my almighty power that you have received them;

15 Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not."

LISTEN TO JOE, OR I SWEAR I WILL BEAT THE )*&@)%( )&%@#$)(&...!!!

Once again, so much for agency.

"21 And I command you that you preach naught but repentance, and show not these things unto the world until it is wisdom in me.

22 For they cannot bear meat now, but milk they must receive; wherefore, they must not know these things, lest they perish."

Not sure what "meat" he's referring to hear, but this is starting to sound pretty shady. People are going to die if Martin gives them more than "milk"?

What are the orginal commands that Martin received from Joe in the first place? Why aren't these original revelations part of the D&C? Is it more than just Jesus demanding money?:

"26 And again, I command thee that thou shalt not covet thine own property, but impart it freely to the printing of the Book of Mormon, which contains the truth and the word of God—"



"31 And of tenets thou shalt not talk, but thou shalt declare repentance and faith on the Savior, and remission of sins by baptism, and by fire, yea, even the Holy Ghost.

32 Behold, this is a great and the last commandment which I shall give unto you concerning this matter; for this shall suffice for thy daily walk, even unto the end of thy life.

33 And misery thou shalt receive if thou wilt slight these acounsels, yea, even the destruction of thyself and property.

34 Impart a portion of thy property, yea, even part of thy lands, and all save the support of thy family."

Wait, did Jesus just say that all Martin needed for this life was faith, repentance, baptism and the holy ghost?...this is the great and LAST commandment? So, can we disregard everything that came after this?...polygamy, temples ordinances, etc...?

Chump Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Therefore I command you to repent—repent,
> lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth

"rod of my mouth" ?! lolololol

Sounds like God was watching too much porno the day he issued such a garbled, mixed-metaphor threat against poor ol' Martin.

If God and Jesus and Moroni were all so powerful, why the heavy-handed pressure to get Martin to cough up the cash for the BofM printing? Couldn't they have paved the way themselves with a bit of cash or at least given Joe and Marty leeway to pawn the sword of Laban or the Liahona?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2014 05:28PM by minor2nd.

I testify in the name of the holy prophet Joseph Smith Jun. that the planet Earth is only about 6000 years old. The only people who don't believe this way are some of the most vile, evil and wicked people to ever walk the planet Earth. Here is what the Almighty hath covenanted with us as being the Official Doctrine. If this wasn't an official doctrine that is covenanted for us to be true then what the fetch is this book named "D & C" for anyways ;)

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/77.6?lang=eng

6 Q. What are we to understand by the book which John saw, which was sealed on the back with seven seals?
A. We are to understand that it contains the revealed will, mysteries, and the works of God; the hidden things of his economy concerning this earth during the seven thousand years of its continuance, or its temporal existence.


Unfortunately the Earth is now full of evil-minded people like scientists such as geologists, biologists, archeologists, linguists, physicists, and anthropologists who don't accept the Almighty's truths. In order to safeguard testimonies in Mormondom its going to be necessary for the members to keep those blinders on stronger and act/think like lifelong fast food workers or busy bees in a Jaredite barge beehive. Sometime around the year 2000 (though it looks like this event is being delayed at least 14 years) all these wicked people are going to burn as stubble because the God of Mormondom is such a nice guy.

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/29.9-11?lang=eng

gotta go with 132, cuz of the huge impacts on every Mo since.

Rename this bloody boring and fake pontificating collection of crap and call it "Doctor and Masonry's Coven Ants."

.....maybe it should be called Doctorin' the Covenants.

Seriously, Section 132 is the winner, hands down. You can't get better than God-sanctioned adultery.

It's mostly self serving to Joseph Smith. Clearly he's making it up as he needs to coerce others.

Section 132 is absolute shit.

In stark, modern language, courtesy of our friend William Law:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,869300

Thought it might be fun to try translating a bit myself here's the beginning of D&C Section 1 Just for fun.

“Listen, members of my church,” says God who can see us all, “To those who are far away and those who are on the islands of the sea, I say listen together” For truly the voice of the lord reaches all men, nobody can escape it; everyone will see it, everyone will hear it, and every heart will be penetrated by it. And the rebellious will be struck with great feelings of sorrow; for their immoral deeds will be spoken of freely and their secrets will be made public.

The disciples whom I have chosen in these last days will spread a message of warning to everyone. They will go, and nobody will be able to kill them because I told them to go. See, this is my authority, and my servants authority, and it’s also the preface to the book of commandments which I’ve given my servants to distribute to you earthlings. The Lords voice covers the earth so everyone that’s willing to hear is able to.

Get ready for what’s coming because the lord is getting close; and he’s getting ticked off, and his sword is poised to strike, and it’s going to slice right through you earthlings. The Lords arm will appear, and the day is coming when those who won’t listen to the lord or his servants will be severed from the people for straying from my ordinances and breaking my everlasting covenant.

They don’t seek the lord to establish his righteousness, everybody just does their own thing their own way which is the worlds way, idolatrous and old and soon to parish in Babylon you know, the great Babylon that’s going to fall.

Since I know all the bad stuff that’s gong to happen on earth, I sent Joseph Smith, Jr. and spoke to him from heaven and gave him commandments.

Fenwick Montgomery Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> and he’s getting ticked off, and his sword is poised to strike, and it’s going to slice right through you earthlings.

Loved this - nearly spit out what I was drinking.

Nicely done. Putting this con man's attempts to sound like a prophet into everyday modern English can be pretty damned funny.

Section 25 is crazy to me
It's to Emma:
He tells her not to murmur (4)and her job is to comfort him (5)
And he tells her that she is supposed to make a selection of hymns (11). And this is what god wants her to do!?!?

I tried to read D&C when I was struggling with my testimony and I was in Shock!!! God could not give JS clear instructions on how temple marriage/polyandry should work BUT he could say specifically that Emma was in charge of doing the hymns at church!?!! I almost lost it!

DC 132:38 basically says, "Joe, David and Solomon did not sin or commit adultery when they had many wives and concubines, because I told them too."

compare with

Jacob 2:24 which says (again paraphrase) "David and Solomon sinned in practicing polygamy. It is an evil practice that breaks the hearts of the daughters of god"

If you read both chapters in their entirety, its clear that old Joe was struggling with his desire to have LOTS of sexual partners and was thinking about it early on.

Thankfully, god stepped in and made the decision for him, and blessed his libido with the spirit of holy promise.

All of these sections identified American Indians as living Book of Mormon people i.e. Lamanites.

D&C 10:48
D&C 19:27
D&C 28:8-9, 14
D&C 30:6
D&C 32:2
D&C 49:24
D&C 57:4
D&C 109:65-66

THe passages in section 104 are proof that Mormonism was nothing more than some sort of fraternity prank pulled off by some goofy friends. I'm pretty sure Joe drew a dick on the face of a passed out Cowdery and then went and wrote those passages.

"blasphemous blatherings"

ziller, I'm so going to steal this tidbit - love it!!

Excellent points on the ridiculousness of God needing to micromanage the smallest, mundane details. Like any of us claiming that God told us to remodel a room but be sure to use blue paint, not the gray.

Even more ridiculous that such obvious, embarrassing idiocies continue to remain canonized alongside other so-called 'eternal truths'.

Man, that's profound stuff right there. No chance that it could be a con man claiming divine revelation to do whatever it is he wanted to do on a particular day.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2014 11:14AM by frogdogs.

I don't have one any more so I can't give the number. There was a revelation that Joseph and the brethren with him should travel back to, I think, Kirtland from Far West using the rivers and canals. The very next day, after there was a bit of rough water, Joseph received another revelation that said the other brethren could continue to travel by water, but Joseph should only travel by land. There was some language about the waters being control by Satan.

Section 61! Best section ever!

4 Nevertheless, I suffered it that ye might bear record; behold, there are many dangers upon the waters, and more especially hereafter;

5 For I, the Lord, have decreed in mine anger many destructions upon the waters; yea, and especially upon these waters.

6 Nevertheless, all flesh is in mine hand, and he that is faithful among you shall not perish by the waters.

23 And now, concerning my servants, Sidney Rigdon, Joseph Smith, Jun., and Oliver Cowdery, let them come not again upon the waters, save it be upon the canal, while journeying unto their homes; or in other words they shall not come upon the waters to journey, save upon the canal.

In other words, "Those that are faithful have nothing to worry about. Sid, Joe, Ollie - You guys had better stay the f*(& away from the water!"

In reference to the 2nd Coming and the gathering of the lost tribes from the "north countries" (of course it will include treasures):

D&C 133:26 And they who are in the north countries shall come in remembrance before the Lord; and their prophets shall hear his voice, and shall no longer stay themselves; and they shall smite the rocks, and the ice shall flow down at their presence.

27 And an highway shall be cast up in the midst of the great deep.

28 Their enemies shall become a prey unto them,

29 And in the barren deserts there shall come forth pools of living water; and the parched ground shall no longer be a thirsty land.

30 And they shall bring forth their rich treasures unto the children of Ephraim, my servants.

I also want to point out that the *true* evil genius of section 132 is that removes any and all scriptural restrictions, placing God actively in charge with ongoing command and control. Of course, since Joseph Smith was the only person on Earth capable of communicating these changing/evolving commands, it effectively gave Joseph Smith complete and absolute power.

The only problem here is that 132 wasn't published in the D&C during Josephs lifetime. It did give Brigham enormous power and influence though.

When the Brigham Young led Church arrived in the Salt Lake valley in 1847, they had no printing facility. The Doctrine and Covenants was published in England from 1845 to 1869. In 1876, Elder Orson Pratt was assigned to produce a new edition. The revelations were divided into verses which have been maintained in subsequent editions.

Elder Pratt included 26 new sections (now numbered 2, 13, 77, 85, 87, 108-111, 113-118, 120-123, 125, 129-132 and 136). He removed the "Article on Marriage" found in previous editions. In 1879 Elder Pratt published the 1876 edition in England, adding footnotes to the text. This edition was published in 1880 in Salt Lake City and accepted by the LDS Church as its official edition.

Good point.

You know that one part about Joseph Smith. Yeah! That one.