OK honestly, when you boil it all down to the bare bones, I'm being divorced because I left the LDS church. Hahahahahahaha. ;o) Ex is just about the biggest Jack Mormon on the planet and adheres to absolutely zero Mormon rules.

But he was in love with the ideal image of a perfect Molly wife and lovely, little, obedient Mormon children. I kept up that image for a lot of years, until we all visited the whack job TBM in-laws in Utah several years back. (Horrifying experience and not time to tell that story today). Suffice it to say, I was mentally OUT of the church within a week. Took a couple more years for all of us to resign (except JackMo).

Around that same time I also switched political parties and voted for a presidential candidate my ex considers to be the anti-Christ.

So, those are his reasons for leaving: I resigned from the LDS church, and I voted for Satan in the last presidential election.

My top 2 reasons for filing for divorce are a leeeeeetle bit different. Like severe sexual dysfunction and raging alcoholism. But I digress.

So here's what ole JackMo is doing now in the midst of his mid-life crisis:

1. He moved himself into off-campus student housing and lives in a communal situation with a couple of college guys. (And, no, he's not a student). He actually believes he can snag a hot 20-year-old chick around the pool at some community BBQ. <rolls eyes> I'm pretty sure the girls see him as a dirty old man and laugh at him behind his back. He's 54, gray, overweight, hairy, and his teeth are going bad. He delusionally believes he's still as hot as he was when he was a championship H.S. football player. His living situation does not allow for joint custody or overnight visits with the kids - no extra beds or bedrooms. I don't think he cares.

2. He's signed himself up on match.com. He made himself look riiiiich. I know for a fact he doesn't have a pot to piss in - he gives plasma regularly to put gas in his Mercedes SUV. wtf??? All his money in the world is going to go to us when my kick-ass attorney finally nails his butt. He's looking for 25 to 45 year-old women online. He told me I'm "too old" for him. 18 years of marriage (I used to be super hot!) and he thinks he can do better, so he's trading me in for a new model.

3. He has a 30-year-old Chinese "girlfriend" he met online. She's fluent in English and - get this - SHE WANTS A MAN 50-75 YEARS OLD. Duh. Does anybody but me see that she's trolling for a rich old man to marry her and help her immigrate to the U.S.??
Jeezus my ex is guillible. But he's got a giant map with their pictures over their respective cities and a long line that connects them from China to the U.S. He really, honestly believes he can hook up with this girl (he can't afford gas for an SUV! How much plasma will he have to sell to catch a plane to freakin' China? And is SHE going to live in the dorms with the college dudes, too? Maybe she'll wind up liking them better? ;o)

4. And then there's the ongoing delusion of his life . . . he's convinced he's going to become a millionaire in his latest MLM scheme. I cleaned out dozens of "business plans" from his garage office after he left. It took me all afternoon to carry 18 years worth of that mess to the curb. So the latest deal sucks his money dry with autoship packages each month, tapes, products, seminars, travel etc. I'm pretty sure the monthly total on his new "business' (and I use that term loosely) would probably easily cover his gas and our food/household expenses.

So, I just really, really want to hear from fellow exmo sufferers who've had a midlife crisis or even from the wive's who watched their husbands go through their second childhood.

Somebody please tell me I'm not alone!!

TIA,
Shannon ;o)
(Formerly JackMormon'sWife)

You're not alone. My ex went whackadoodle at that age, too. Got himself excommunicated to boot. I cringe to see the photos he puts of himself on his facebook page now. God, he looks so pathetic (and probably thinks he looks so studly). It's sad, really. Glad I escaped the madness. All my best to you in this mad-cap adventure called mid-life crisis. You will probably be much better off without him a couple years down the road. Stay strong. : )

The mid-life crisis usually involves a man who was previously a normal, responsible, contributing member of society. The way you paint your soon-to-be-ex, it sounds like he was already flakey, and now it's just that the flakiness is out of its cage.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2011 08:45AM by Stray Mutt.

good luck with getting blood out of a turnip!! i hope that you will though! yeah getting old aint usually easy! from the inside we are still young.....it is hard to admit that time marches on and we have issues that we didnt when young.... not that is any excuse for anyones poor behavior! hope to see ya some time.... you hottie you!! hows the kiddies? you prolly have your hands full!! sea-ya!~

Dad's midlife crisis consisted of buying himself a 1947 Chevrolet hot rod. He got all that crazy crap out of his system a coupla decades ago.

Mom knows she's lucky... he likes old dogs and old cars, and still seems to like old broads.

Damn, Shannon. I'm sorry to hear this is happening. But people grow, sometimes apart.

I'm probably the last one to give advice on marriage/divorce. I wish you the best. I hear FL laws can be a b**th.

I had a really good friend who shocked the hell out of me one day when he told me that he was sleeping with his wife's 15 year old NIECE for the past TWO years. But wait, it gets better, he worked with me in the office and TOLD everyone here about it and showed them her photos and annouced that he was getting a divorce, was quitting his job here and moved into a trailer in Montana parked at a radio transmitter site where he could live rent free working for the radio group that owned that site. While cleaning out his office, he showed us a loaded gun he mounted UNDER his desk for 'just in case' emergencies.

His wife caught him and the girl kissing on the bed while visiting his wife's sister. The guy should be in jail, but the girl lived in Canada and he was doing everything with her up there.

I thought I knew the guy, but man, I didn't have a clue what one of my best friends in the office was really doing.

Shannon, I am so sorry that things worked out this way...Men are dogs....as you women would say...I went through a mid life sitution and bought a caddy and thought I could do better....I did marry a beautiful Filipino gril, 23 years my junior...my new model is better than any of the olds... I guess I see you post with sadness, and I got lucky and am living my dream. I guess the best revenge is to do well. I hope things work our for you and your family. I just got lucky...

What if you are describing me, only next year? What if I'm that guy?

Are there any warning signs to look for? I mean, I still think younger women are good looking. Was that supposed to go away when I turned 45? Of course, I find myself more attracted to older women but that involves the attraction to their minds and their life experience and not just their boobs. If we are only talking about boobs then all bets are off.

Well, I guess I won't waste time and effort fighting it. If I'm going off the deep end I may as well make the most of it. I'll be back later, I'm going out to buy a motorcycle and a hair piece.....

Won"t that hairpiece fly off in the wind???

One last comment...Isn't it funny that when women are young they can have almost any man they want.....??..But life balences off that when men gets older they can also have most women they want...Life is fair...

can afford to BUY them.

And THAT'S the truth! Lol

Wow Shannon...sounds like you're doing a lot better without him.

How did you ever stay with a man like that for so long, Shannon?! You deserve better!

For some reason when I turned 40 that was the hardest age for me to handle. I grew my hair long, got my left ear pierced, got a couple of tattoos, and smoked pot for the first time.

Fast forward 14 years and I recently divorced from a too long marriage with no romance, affection, or intimacy. I am happily out of the church for many years now. I drive a motorcycle and look the part. I am calm, in control, and married to a wonderful lady 20 years my junior, completely in love and happier than I dreamed I could ever be.

My midlife did not cause my divorce, it was just a time when I tried to go back and be 18 again. It didn't work and I got over it pretty fast. I didn't have an affair, didn't buy a sports car, or do anything crazier than get tattoos, which I love and have gotten many more since that time.

I've seen some pretty far out midlife crises but mine was fairly mild compared to some. It sounds like your ex was kind of out there before he hit his new low so I guess a lot depends on how crazy a man is normally before he has his crisis. Good luck, it sounds like you are going to have to go it on your own because he doesn't sound like he is going to be much help financially or emotionally from here on out.

To all the middle-aged guys posting brags about how you're now happily bouncing the bed springs with some way-younger-than-you chick: You are probably not helping.

In fact, you are A) Making me really glad that I never got married so I don't have to suffer the humiliation and betrayal of being dumped by some paunchy, balding mid-life crisis guy for some young gold-digging twit with high tits and a tight ass; and B) Making me feel really sorry for the OP and all the ex-wives mentioned in this thread who gave the best of themselves to their husbands, only to be treated like complete shit and dumped for previously aforementioned young twit.

I don't think it's very nice to brag about your tight hot mail order brides when you're trying to be supportive to the middle aged woman who sacrificed her best years for some asshole. And then talk about how awesome and funny and entertaining it is that women just get shafted (and not in a good way) in midlife. Really... that's just uncool.

Maybe some of these ex-wives had it comin' because they were frigid or something. And surely, that's all THEIR fault and YOU had nothing whatsoever to do with the unhappiness in the first marriage. Nevertheless, this is not really the most supportive tack you could take.

Mental note: Even though I look ten years younger than I am, reading this thread reminds me that my BF can and will probably dump me at any moment as soon as some young twit catches his eye. Really nice. You guys give me so much faith in men. [/sarcasm]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2011 11:44AM by dogzilla.

Actually, I don't really qualify to comment on this stuff. I've been married for 20+ years and I'd really like to stay married for at least another 50. My marriage survived my apostasy so if I can just keep from doing something stupid I may have a chance at keeping my wife happy enough to stay with me.

I had a friend who's wife dumped him. He was heartbroken but not for long. After he'd been back in the dating scene for a while he made some observations about mid life dating options in Utah. He had no problem finding women who wanted to date. In fact there were lots of almost desperate women who were looking for a second or third chance at finding the right man.

Why is that? Where are the men? Surely they can't all be gay or otherwise "off the market". He made it sound like any guy who had a job and was willing to minimally groom himself could have a date with a different lady every week. Is it that way for single women too or is this really how it is?

Men are still pigs. You'll just be disappointed if you expect better.

Stunted

Not all men are pigs. Sometimes women are pigs who hurt and betray their husbands.

I am my husband's second wife. I'm eight years younger than he is and five years younger than his ex. I'm sure she thinks of me as a "gold-digging twit" who stole her husband from her, even though I didn't meet him until they'd been divorced a year and she was the one who demanded the divorce. Incidentally, she's now remarried for the third time to a guy nine years her junior and has a collection of kids by all three of her husbands. Every time she gets divorced, her kids lose their biological father, yet people automatically assume that I'm the homewrecker.

I am younger, much more-educated, and at least according to my husband, a lot hotter than his ex wife is, though I'm sure much of my "hotness" factor comes from not being crazy and abusive. I am also less saddled with baggage and more considerate than the ex is. I don't have high tits or a tight ass, but I'm still tight where it counts, which, after five vaginal births, is more than she can say.

It sounds like Shannon's soon-to-be-ex is delusional and in need of a serious reality check, but there are a lot of delusional people out there, male or female. Men don't corner the market on asshole behavior.

Shannon, I wish you the best. You deserve happiness. If your soon-to-be-ex is as nutty as you describe him, I am sure he'll get the reality check he desperately deserves. There's life after divorce.

I don't have high tits or a tight ass, but I'm still tight where it counts, which, after five vaginal births, is more than she can say.
also dont you have red hair??? thats hot to me right there!! :)

I was actually born a blonde. I guess the drapes match the rug, though.

MLM types believe things based on emotion and "testimony", not evidence. That's why they have all the motivational speeches. And of course Mormonism is just a religious MLM - the main way you prove you are a good Mormon is to create more Mormons, either by birthing them, or conversion. God became God by having a successful downline. It doesn't get any more MLM than that, worlds without end.

You are sooooo well rid of this turkey. Ick-patooey.

Here's some things to know about me . . . I am persistent, super smart, and sneaky as hell when I want to be. I also have a really rich daddy who is bankrolling the entire divorce and all of our living expenses.

I saw this coming, and I PREPARED. JackMo tries to hide income - he has a main job and then freelances for about a dozen more. I pulled paycheck stubs from the mailbox (sent after automatic deposits into his private bank account) for 2 1/2 months. Maaaaaan, for such a loser he makes some serious money! He can't manage it worth a crap, but it's there.

My attorney is going to shake him down so bad, he'll never get out of the freakin' dorms! (Or fly to China for that matter). ;o)

I also pulled every single financial document I could find over a period of a couple of months. When he moved out, he took all the files of course. But he has no d@mn idea that I got all the financial/legal documents anyway.

He totally underestimates me.

;o)

P.S. Oh! And I am really attractive (for my age). I'm thinking I'll get my OWN retired, rich, old man. HA! That'll piss JackMo off, guaranteed.

but i aint rich.... well not rich with money anyway!! :(
but i gots me a loyal doggy!! :)

I'll talk to you! I've always loved you biggie, Irish Catholic and all. And anybody from Florida is AOK in my book! And I like red hair - my bio daughter has the same color as yours.

;o)

P.S. Damn, see, there I go again. Flirtin' all over the internet. heh.

Okaaaaaaaaaay. ???

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2011 02:31PM by shannon.

i am 6'4" and 230lbs... aint that enough for two??? :)

Shannon--you are clearly what I call an old hottie, which is like old wine--the personality just gets better and better with age. The quality men are smart enough to recognize the difference between masturbating material and lifelong companionship. The latter depends on the mind.

Truth is, if we live long enough we'll be aging together. What do you think happens when his prostate gives out, he's leaking blood and Ruby is taking her love to town?

Here's what happens in the end. The midlife crisis takes place in the 40's-50's and there's the earring, the tatoo(s), the leathers, and the viagra. After 19 year olds, the men thinking about sex the most are the fifty year olds. They know the functioning is not what it used to be and there's a tremendous fear attached BECAUSE MEN IDENTIFY WITH THEIR SEXUALITY in a way that women do not. If I don't have an orgasm, it's a private matter you might say. I have a variety of choices on how to handle that. A man's diminishing performance is public and, unfortunately, they usually blame the wife for inadequate stimulation (too old, unskilled, whatever).

The new young hottie who thinks he's a sugar Daddy temporarily solves the problem. She's tatooed, she's shaved, she's just jumped right out of the computer onto his lap and whoooeeee -- he's BACK!

But he's still aging, only now he's aging and worried instead of aging and blaming his wife. Then there's the colonoscopy, the prostrate warnings, more pills and he slides into depression (which makes things worse). Instead of having a wife who says, "Good thing you are so good with your tongue or I would toss your ass" or some joking equivalent, Ruby is speaking more frequently on the cellphone in Chinese or Tagalog and is "going out with the girls" so she can "get out of the house," which is Tagalog for "I'm taking my love to town."

I'm happy for those guys who have found paradise with their young mail order brides. Maybe they have a baby (because all those girls want babies, you know--the men have forgotten that). It's easy to be happy for you all because that is absolutely the last thing I want in life. Much as I love my grandchildren, I am tired after five hours and glad to go home. It's also easy to be happy that you're having all that sex because I would not be interested in that frequency, thanks. Also, with my arthritis, it's nice not to have to bend over and pick up your socks and underwear from the bathroom floor...better you have someone younger as your domestic assistant.

The surveys and the demographics tell the end of these stories because you will never hear it from the men. Hope the midlife crisis was worth it because for whatever reason, the stress/drugs/viagra/smoking/drinking fast lane life kills them off young. The women are still alive though, still making a balanced meal with fresh ingredients in a kitchen which includes fresh tea towels and an oven that works. We older single women have a nest and are happier, according to the polls than any other demographic.

Who are the happiest men? The married ones.
Who are the happiest women? The single ones.


Anagrammy

PS. I'm in my sixties and you know what matters most in my demo? Teeth, not boobs.

He won't be in a very good financial position when you finalize the divorce. Child support and loosing half of everything you have in life is a huge hit.

If he already is donating plasma for gas money it sounds pretty bleak for him.

Who cares if he is f-ing a mail order bride? Sadly, she is escaping a third world country where aids is rampant and it's a 99% chance that she was already living a horrible life.

Let him think he is King of the Jungle......it's his happy place but he's still an imbicle.

OH, is that what it is (looking all innocent like)? My take is, LDS programming can do as much if not more harm to LDS mid-lifers (cough) than to non-LDS men of a certain age. Myself, being a good Mo boy, had never gone to a club, never drank alcohol, have never watched dem "girly shows". A few months out of the church and, bam, I just had to do the party scene. Looking back, I was embarassing. Older by at least ten years than the party people I was fist pumping with, I nursed a beer that I couldn't drink at one go. My jaw was on the floor watching pole dancers and the others could tell it was my first time because I was grinning uncontrollably, like I was 16 again. This and more...damn!

well..it sounds to me that you still love him.

otherwise, why bother with the long post (although quite enjoyable) about him. the divorce, and then asking for opinions because you don't want to feel alone.

the divorce probably was your own mid-life crisis. you saw him as the cause of your demise; but in fact, the problem was you all along.

he may now appear dysfunctional but not sure if that was the cause OR the effect.

my ex-wife had a mid-life crisis. yes, it was all my fault. then no, it was all her fault. then she cared about me. then she hated me. then she confessed she was having an affair. of course, that was my fault too in the beginning.

now, she tells me i was a wonderful husband in and out of bed. a wonderful father, blah blah. too late already.

i'm getting divorced and i'm going out with this hot chick that came out of nowhere --who said god doesn't exist. :)
i married young anyway so i pass.

anyway. sorry to tell you but it sounds to me that you need to work out your own issues. let him experiment match.com. so what. why do you care anyway right? you are divorced!

in friendship and with no animosity of any kind.

darth jesus

For many, many years I stuck it out because I loved him. Old-timers know my story well, so here's a condensed version:

JackMo is "Mormon Royalty" - related to a hated apostle. He never did participate much in the church. Told stories of smoking dope with the Stake President's son outside of youth dances.

He was literally a state championship football star. He was raised to believe he was better than everyone. He expects perfection from his wife and kids (and everybody really) no matter what his faults and failings are - which are many.

He was called to Belgium for his mission. But at the last minute, he confessed a multitude of sexual sins, with both men and women. He was excommunicated. Problem solved. He did not serve a mission. He dropped out of BYU after one semester and spent the next 16 years partying.

He almost died of pancreatitis (alcohol related disease). He was so afraid of dying, he reunited with his TBM family and went back to church.

I was the first single girl waiting when he returned to sacrament meeting. This was Florida and Single Mormon men were hard to come by. We married in the chapel. He eventually was rebaptized and received the Priesthood again.

He became "worthy" <snort> and we were eventually sealed to each other and our kids. He wasn't really worthy - he just knew how to lie real well.

He's a master con artist, and will screw anybody over to get what he wants. It took me a lot of years to understand that. Yes, I loved him . . . but it took me years to see who he really was. I don't love that person, and I'm sad beyond belief for how he is treating his kids.

He wanted the perfect Molly Mormon wife, which I tried so hard to be for so long. But I was a convert, not raised in the Morridor . . . so he constantly felt cheated that he married me.

It's a mess. A god-awful mess. Thank god I have my dad or I'd never be able to fight him. He fights dirty - really. He gets served divorce papers this week. I'm keeping all of my doors locked (including my bedroom).

Short version. Hope it helps.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2011 02:23PM by shannon.

Well, shit. That's me to a "T" but 8 years earlier (minus the rotten teeth thing). I left the church, then got separated, then divorced. Chased skirts to high heaven and back and screwed some 20-somethings. Even dated some pole dancers, knowing full well all they wanted was my wallet. But I didn't care. Hell, I was 46 and banging smokin' hot girls! Cokeheads and psychos, actually. Even tried threesomes. But hey, it was fun for a while.

What was I thinking? I dunno, I wasn't, I suppose. After being completely fettered and bound to the morg it was a relief to let loose and be crazy. Ya, I acted like a fool and wish I had all that money back, but, in a certain sense, it was therapeutic.

Okay, so I woke up after about 3 years and found that life wasn't interesting the way I was approaching it. I decided to make a "bucket list" of things I wanted to do, began doing them (learn photography, collect antiques and quilts, get another Harley, skydive, scuba..). That's when I began meeting real women my own age (or close to it) and made friends that last.

I was a footloose shitheel for 3 years and made fool of myself. It's my life and that's what happened.

Shannon, you can rest assured that you soon-to-be ex is trashing you all over hell and back too. He sounds totally whack, but there's always two sides to the story. I can say this: He won't find any lasting solice in his current exploits. Once he finds out he's a real asshat, then maybe he'll make some progress.

Shit, I'm prattling on and on which I never do.

Just sayin'...

Ron

but it was nice to see that side of you!
i never married but lived with a few for a while.... i want to be in love when i get married.... so i have never have gone thru the "crisis".... being 54 i guess i wont go thru that...my last car was a Firebird conv....but i went back to sedans my Hyandai Azera is fantastic.... dont know why i like the sedans....cause i aint got kids to haul....just more room i guess...anyway now i am prattling!!
i hope you dont have to worry about anything physical happening to you Shannon..... hey i could always bring me and my dog to protect you....wait... my chow is a chickenshit so that wont work..... oh well just me then!! :)

Sounds to me like he wants to escape the decades of home,work family, and all those pressures of the children, (which have been extremely difficult at times), etc. He hit the wall. And, he's doing it! He's at the point of: is this all there is to life stage, and wants his life back on his own terms.

Some women weather the "mid-life-crisis" their husbands go through, some do not. Some see their part in it, some do not.

I heard Dr. Phil say: "kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one." I think he's probably correct.

When you are divorced, neither one of you has any input, or control over the other--the children, yes, but only when at the other parents home or with the other parent. This is going to be a whole new set of rules for the children. Add new "honeys" and it gets even more complicated as they (almost always) don't "get" that they have no right to control over the children either.

From past posts, this is a cauldron that has been brewing for a long time. It's going to require, (in my view) some good counseling, for everyone, to find a way to navigate these new waters.

This is not just a mid life crisis, in my view. This is a frantic way to "cut the cord" to a life that was swallowing both of you.
I'm sure there are enough accusations and blame to go around.

I remember posts from Shannon that JackMo wasn't even a full participant in the family crises...because of his military status.

Wasn't there even a time when he was off at some training, and you had the house falling in around you literally and figuratively, and his First Sergeant said "Don't distract him with that unimportant stuff, he's doing his JOB." Yeah, waving the American flag IS an important job, and hurray to the spouses who sit at home and deal with the other 90% of a marriage ALONE.

I'm married to a retired Army lifer. While my husband didn't go to war, the military is a TIME HOG and the spouse is the one with most of the burdens of running the house and raising the kids. So when the guy/gal gets out of the service, you reasonably look forward to someone picking up the slack so you can take a break!

And JackMo has apparently dropped that ball and then run over it a couple of times with the bus.

If he's retired, you can count on at least one paycheck coming in (apart from the MLM money pits) that I'm sure your attorney has set his sights on.

You go, Girl!


~VOW

But he is gone a lot for his job. I had to manage all crisis with the kids when he wasn't around.

;o)

The fact that you are Bipolar would have nothing to do with the demise of your marriage?
IMO your poor husband has been remarkably patient with your antics.

Aren't you the one that brought 2 half crazed Russian kids into the marriage through adoption?
Don't you think that would be stressful on a man?
Or the fact that you adopted a couple of black kids on top of that mess?
There are two sides to every story and I would bet your husband's side is a doozy.

I own that.

But I am stabilized on medication and see my doc regularly. He's pleased that I filed for divorce. He's known for a long time that our relationship was a stressor.

Good call. Damn, did I ever really write that about myself on RfM?

;o)

Woah. Your'e right Lorraine. I remember our series of emails now. ouch.

;o)