I stopped believing seven years ago. But I cannot tell the family, for they would be Devastated! I never go to church, but I have the convenient excuse of having to work Sundays, so nobody suspects me.
I would love to tell everyone else outside the family that it is all B.S. but then my family would find out, so can't do it.
Is there anybody else on here like me who doesn't believe, but still pretends? How do you cope? How do you deflect people trying to get you out to Church and activities?

I follow the profit. I show up to make appearances and never testify on the truth of the church or BoM.

Once my parents and MIL and FIL go the way of the earth, I will be much less reticent to spill my beans!

What is your definition of an ExMo? That's not mine!

>>What is your definition of an ExMo? That's not mine!<<


Maybe we could call it "Exmo-curious"?

Well done. Gay reference highly consistent.

home teaching, scrubbing toilets on Saturday, tithing, etc?

Investigate New Order Mormons on google and here:
http://forum.newordermormon.org/viewforum.php?f=1&sid=a1aa372629ef73d7b24546911057d6c6

There are lots of you :)

Well that link is nauseating....

First thing I read.

To be a NOM ya gotta be......

....at least fairly (not FAIR-ly- that's different!) smart. Not necessarily MENSA smart, but smart enough to sort through the BS, and yet kind enough to have empathy. Anti's and TBM's can be dumb as a brick (though most aren't) but a NOM has to be fairly smart. What other qualities are necessary for a TBM?

_________________
And when I die, and when I'm gone, there'll be one child born in this world.......to carry on...... to carry on. Laura Nyro

NOM are smart and politically adept, apparently us former Mormons not so much.

Not smart enough to get out of outhouse, but they set p camp, paint, add some nice flowers and yhen raise their children there. That kind of smart. Make the best of things they can't change type of people. The smart kind of people.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2014 12:08AM by gentlestrength.

There is not enough room in the closet and it is dark. If we would yank them with as much zeal to get out of the church as they yank us-others to get into the church, we would display that happiness they only think they have and be proud of who we are and what we know and believe. Some wonder if it is worth it but 20 years later they may say, gosh, why didn't you say something? You knew it was all wrong. Then you say that's what I've been trying to tell you. And they will end up somewhere like here and learn more for themselves and then they will know that you had it all along. And so whose fault is it that someone keeps on buying it and others dig their heads out of the sand?

consider the possibility that your family might just survive finding out if you are no longer mormon. My mother freaked the fuck out when I told her, and then proceeded to shun me for the better part of a year. If she could get over it, anyone can.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2014 02:22PM by ladell.

I thought I'd try the quiet for a bit until I "came out", as it were. Less than two weeks later my mother said, "son, I noticed you are not on the membership roles anymore"... you must have resigned, or something like that. I brushed it aside, like "yea", and she says something like, well, I know you will be happier or I just want you to be happy. That was about the end of it. You never know really what they think. So, I suppose everyone knows now. I find it easier to discuss the subject now without hesitation with practically anyone I see, in or out or never in TSCC So far it hasn't come up. So, I am about as far out of the closet as you can get and the light couldn't get brighter and the air any fresher. Skeleton's Mormonism is always in the closet.

Closet exmo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I stopped believing seven years ago. But I cannot
> tell the family, for they would be Devastated!

So will it work for you to close off yourself from all honest relationships for the rest of your life? I DO believe in taking it slow when you reveal your doubts. My husband took 2+ years to tell me, and that was after I expressed my own doubts. But 7 years is a long time. At what point do you deserve to be yourself? At what point do YOUR needs as an individual count for anything?

I recommend that you start bringing up small issues, preferably with the bible, or science, or something. Or even say something about excessive meetings or local leaders'lack of boundaries. Steer clear of Mormon doctrinal issues, at least until you've tested the waters with less threatening issues.

As far as people being "devastated" by the truth about the church, and by your honesty . . . well that's life, right? People of strong character learn to deal with reality. People who manipulate others or act like you are hurting THEM by not playing along with their desires or imagined version of reality are not the kind of people who you CAN have an honest relationship with. I've known people like this, and it's not all that uncommon for Mormon women to control others from this position of supposed emotional fragility.

So would you rather have fake relationships your whole life, or get the truth out there and give everyone a chance at being real? If relationships end, then at least you have a chance to create something better.



I
> never go to church, but I have the convenient
> excuse of having to work Sundays, so nobody
> suspects me.
> I would love to tell everyone else outside the
> family that it is all B.S. but then my family
> would find out, so can't do it.

"Can't" is your word. In reality, you've chosen not to rock the boat. I don't blame you. I know there is a lot at stake. And I would certainly not come out to other people before your family. But the fact that you would LOVE to tell everyone, tells me that you feel repressed and you want something different. You DESERVE something different. Everyone deserves the chance to be themselves.

BTW, I'll bet they already suspect you don't believe, and they are just in denial. A true believer would find a way to go to church, even if it meant attending a different ward, instead of working every Sunday for years on end.


> Is there anybody else on here like me who doesn't
> believe, but still pretends? How do you cope? How
> do you deflect people trying to get you out to
> Church and activities?

My husband faked it, including full tithe and temple recommends for 2-3 years. He coped by connecting with people here on the board.

I think you should be working on a plan to come out to your family. This could include having discussions about unconditional love, the morality of leaving a spouse when their beliefs change in order to advance up the celestial ladder, etc. Perhaps even make a list of issues you know bug your wife about the church (Polygamy is a common one, or the lack of autonomony or funds in the RS organization within wards). Then start bringing little questions up, and back off and wait when she's had enough. This might be as simple as "Hey, honey, how much money does the RS have for their Enrichment activities? Hmmm. I wonder where all that tithing money goes."

Asking TBM's questions is a good way to bring up a subject.

Things like have you ever read section 132? What did you think about______?

Or, someone at church said the church has had the BoA papyrus since the 60's. Did you know that? Do you know if they figured out if it matched JS translation? Is there a book or something we can read about it? Let them do the search.

It can be difficult, but try to get their curiosity going.

I saw the canopic jars in A NY museum. I took a picture of the description. I asked a friend if those jars looked familiar. He recognized them right away. I then showed him the written description. I asked him what he thought about that, given JS translation. He didn't know his scriptures very well, but said he would read up on it. He's now on his way out of the church.