After a breach of a yearlong truce following my request for no contact from the church, I got a visit from the missionaries last night.

I remembered I have an email or three that the bishop sent to his personal list of all the main members of the local ward. Because he just copied and pasted addresses instead of creating a list, I have the email addresses of most of the ward, all together in one place.

I drafted up the following. Should I send it?

Dear Ward Members,

It's been a little over a year since I told the bishop I would no longer be attending church, and that any attempts to contact me or my family were not welcome. A couple of nights ago, the missionaries stopped by and informed me that unless I formally resigned my membership in the church, which I have not yet done, such visits would continue.

I left without warning, and I never told anyone why. I'm sorry if it caused any confusion. Some of you may be wondering how we're doing. Please allow me to put to rest any speculation about the circumstances surrounding our departure from the congregation.

When I left the church, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my mind and my soul. I have lost 35 pounds and I'm in the best shape of my life. I've been able to focus on the things that matter most. I enjoy the extra time with my family, and I've gotten raises and promotions at work. I relate better with other people now that I think of us as all the same, instead of the "us-and-them" mentality fostered by Mormonism and other high-intensity religions. And I have never in my life had greater moral clarity than I do now that I no longer have to reconcile Mormon doctrine with observable, objective reality. I feel honest.

I decided to leave after I read the Book of Mormon. I had, of course, read it many times before. But in January of 2013, I made a resolution to get through it again before my birthday in June. I was president of the Elders' Quorom at the time, so I thought it would be fun to invite the other guys to join me. Those who did were rewarded with a steak dinner at my birthday party.

The challenge brought me to a very different conclusion than I ever expected! When I got toward the end, and Moroni's famous "promise," I realized that I could have a spiritual experience on command if I wanted to. I had done it many times before, because that's how I had conditioned myself to think. I also realized that I would be affirming to myself that the Book of Mormon "true" even though I had never really considered any possible alternatives.

President J. Reuben Clark said "If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not the truth, it ought to be harmed." Maintaining a belief by deliberately blocking any contrary information is dishonest and morally dangerous.

So I investigated. It turns out there are plenty of non-supernatural explanations for the Book of Mormon. Check out the Wikipedia article on the Book of Mormon ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Mormon ), and follow some of the links to related articles. Plenty of food for thought, and things they don't mention in the Sunday School manuals.

For more introduction to the "issues" people find when they start investigating the church, check out http://www.mormonthink.com. A good summary was also written by a guy named Jeremy Runnells in his "Letter to a CES Director" ( http://www.cesletter.com ).

The Church knows about the issues, and has released some anonymous articles by LDS apologists to help members convince themselves it's still true. The psychological term for this is "motivated reasoning." They start from the assumption that the church is "true," and work backwards to build a case for it, discarding any inconvenient facts.

For me, the Book of Abraham is the most compelling evidence that Joseph Smith was a fraud, the "smoking gun." He claimed to have translated it directly from characters written on papyrus by Abraham's own hand. Even the church now admits that is not true. You can find it on lds.org. Here's the link: https://www.lds.org/topics/translation-and-historicity-of-the-book-of-abraham?lang=eng Notice how they start with the assumption that it's somehow true, even if they're not sure how, and even though the evidence would lead any reasonable person to believe that Smith made it up as he went along.

Getting and maintaining a "testimony" of the claims of Mormonism requires the willful rejection of overwhelming and sound evidence that it is a fraud on all points. You have to start with a desire for it to be true, then systematically discard any contrary thoughts until you believe it. I fell into this trap for a long time. It's hard to realize that something as integral and foundational as a lifelong religion is not what you thought it was. That's why I left quietly and requested privacy.

Some of you may find this email unwelcome. I also found an uninvited visit from the missionaries, right at my daughter's bedtime, to be unwelcome after my explicit request for no contact. Turnabout is fair play, so consider us even.

I still don't want any contact from anyone at church who wants to "bring me back" or save me from my apostasy. Like I said, I'm much better off without Mormonism. I think some of you might be, too, and that's why I'm writing this. If any of you have questions or doubts that you feel like would get you in trouble with the church, know that you're not alone. Once you start questioning, you'll see a whole different side of the church and its doctrines. It's loaded with manipulative psychology to keep you in. For some people, it's hard to leave, but you can do it. There really is a big wide world on the outside and it's not so bad. If you need a sympathetic ear or some help transitioning to an authentic life, there are plenty of other people recovering from Mormonism. Seek and ye shall find!

Again, let me state that uninvited attempts to contact or visit us are unwelcome and will be unproductive. I will resign my membership if and when I choose.

Best wishes and best luck to all in whatever path you choose.

Sincerely,

Vote for Pedro

Awesome. Send it.

Send it

Personally, I wouldn't send it.

You talked about yourself and your reasons and said you were there to help any that wanted it. But know, they may see it as grounds to ex you.

Yes, that occurred to me. That would pretty much be the only way for them to regain control of the situation after I said I'd resign when I felt like it.

But, making them ex me would bleed the beast more and make more of them think more thoughts than if I just quietly fade away.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2014 10:09PM by Vote for Pedro.

Send it...

Chances are you will not get visited again

I'll think you're awesome if you send it!

I enjoyed reading it, but for your target audience, I think it would be more effective if you could edit it down. Once TBMs identity it as "anti," most will stop reading. If you can get to the meat (not the milk, ha, ha) earlier, and maybe get the J. Reuben Clark near the beginning, you might plant some thoughts.

You can't tell a Mormon that life is better after Mormonism. You can only demonstrate it.

However, they do have it coming.

Yeah, I know it needs to get boiled down. This is just me throwing everything on the wall to see what sticks. Good point about getting the Clark quote, and anything else I want to be sure anyone reads, up front.

I think if I want any TBMs to not summarily dismiss it as anti, I'd better cut down the links and rhetoric a bit, too.

Still not sure if I'll ever send it, but maybe...

If you do send it, then eliminate all rhetoric and just leave the links to cesletter.com and mormonthink.com. That will increase the chances of folks looking.

Might have your resignation email prepared if you don't want to be ex'ed.

Send it. The load leaving TSCC is like the load taken off the back of Pilgrim. (See Pilgrim's Progress)

That is awesome! What a wonderful letter. Now, if only all of those people who were told not to discuss their doubts with others would send a heartfelt letter like this. There must be thousands who don't think they can make the transition or have secret doubts and need this guiding hand. Hey, if the leaders get the message that if they visit those who don't want contact, they could get a letter like this sent to "weak-faith" members, they just might see the light. Way to go! Let us know what happens.

I vote that you press the SEND button.

Awesome turnabout.

You will likely hear the skid marks out of the church parking lot.

I wouldn't have the guts but I admire anyone who would. I say do it. Most people will stop reading it but someone might thank you later.

I agree with sizterh. Just be prepared for consequences either in any remaining TBM relationships or ex'ing. But otherwise I think that you wrote the letter well. If you do send it, please return and report.

Trailblazing. Recovery from Mormonism and former Mormonism are now much more mainstream and visible.

This is one way to engage former ward members and leadership, especially since they have opened the door by ignoring your request for respect and privacy.

If you send, I cannot be confident you will achieve a significant objective unless that objective is to leave more on your terms than originally achieved. So many of us that become former Mormons are shown the disrespect you were, perhaps this will get some of the attention and respect from practicing Mormons, leaving Mormonism deserves.

One of my favorite insights from a recent Dehlin interview of Rummels is the point that it is sign of a cult that when they won't allow you to leave on your terms with your dignity in place. Mormonism refuses to allow us to leave on our terms. Perhaps this letter expresses your terms.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2014 12:02AM by gentlestrength.

Thanks. I think you helped me realize what this is about- leaving on my terms, not theirs. I don't even want to call it "name removal." That's their term. I try to avoid using their loaded language.

I don't know why, but I don't think I'm ready to resign quite yet. Even that is playing their game, whether you call it "resignation" or "name removal". It seems like sending a letter like this and then just ignoring the letter they send inviting me to their court of love would be the thing that pisses them off most.

And sending this letter would be about not letting them control the communication. When someone leaves, they want to isolate that person to keep the disease from spreading. Why should they get to do all the talking? Sure they can ex me... I still have their email addresses.

Maybe someday when I'm ready. Maybe this is my fight...

Someone needs to tell them, might as well be you.

You will get another visit though. Next time it will be late at night, and it will be two guys in suits giving you a summons. You know, like when someone files for divorce.

Please go ahead and send it! You sound as though you are extremely certain you are never going back to the cult, and I believe that you will be glad you did.

Send it, what do you have to lose? And if they ex you, big freakin' deal.

Great letter. Very well done. You are a good writer. One point you could also make is that you realize that the world abounds with religions and they are also convinced their religion is true. Being raised LDS, staying active with all of its demands, and associating with LDS people makes a person myopic. Just a thought.

Compelling. You know you must. You know you have to.

Send the letter as is. It is great.

Not sure how old your daughter is, but your story reminded me of a favorite book I read to my kids, you might enjoy it!

http://www.amazon.com/Grasper-A-Young-Crabs-Discovery/dp/1883672988

That is a really great letter. You've got guts! If you don't send it, keep it for a while. It's really good. You can also print it out and burn it for your own recovery. It's also good you got it all out. It's got to make you feel good!

Be aware you will be flooded with replies, many of them will be angry or threatening. Expect your phone to ring as well.

Might I suggest a subtle approach? Do you know where the missionaries live? You could visit them on their day off. You could also visit them at night. let them feel a little of what they are doing. Make sure to include them on the email.

I think you should send it. You have created the perfect "kiss off." They will not darken your door after that. So what if you get exed? A fake excommunication from men who think they have "priesthood" who have nothing and from a religion that is totally made up. We don't need to follow their commands anymore than we need to obey the guy who works at the gas station or the pilot flying the plane, etc. It's no worse than getting a letter saying, "Well, we're kicking you out of our unicorn club."

I like it. Chances are it will play a role in someone else leaving.

Vote for Pedro: if you send the email, all your wildest dreams will come true!!

Sorry, just had to say it. Honestly, imagine the worst case scenerio and then times it by at least ten. You'll be opening floodgates that will cascade much further than you can imagine. If you are all right with this kind of fallout, then go ahead and send the letter. If you have kids or teens who have to hear ridicule at school because of your letter, or if you have active family members who live nearby, you might want to rethink it.

As much as you'd like to get the Mo's off your back, and I completely understand your thinking, you'll only be opening a can of worms that will stink to high heaven. However, if you have thick skin and want to raise a little heII, then go for it.

Earlier comments have mentioned worthwhile edits that I won't repeat, you should choose them as you see fit....assuming you edit it at all. You do need to send it because my regrets with cultco are not taking action. I should have beat the crap out of 4 mission comps, told a BYU bishop that he was developmentally disabled, and used much more filthy language in my excomm trial. I think for you (based on earlier post) sending a letter like this will be very cathartic.

In many ways, I think that the email is so very nice. The tone is nice, despite the unpleasantness of the task that it takes on.

I suspect that you are a very nice guy, and that there are many in that ward that know you that way. That niceness may go a long way toward being heard.

Great job. I think you should send it, but I also suggested that before seeing what you prepared. Now, I really think that you should send it.

It seemed like the missionaries were kind of bullying you by saying if you don't want visits resign.

People who are saying, "careful, you might get ex'd"

So what? He doesn't believe anyway so why not get ex'd?