Posted by:
BYUboner
(
)
Date: July 21, 2014 05:11PM
Like most new converts I was anxious to receive my patriarchal blessing. The BYU stake patriarch turned out to be a cranky 90s-something ghoul with hooded eyes who scowled when I reported that Los Angeles was in Los Angeles County--was I trying to falsify the records of the church? At the time, I figured he just didn't understand geography very well...
In time, after talking with all my roommates I realized that most patriarchal blessings follow a boilerplate:
1. Righteous desire for a blessing
2. Born at the right time to receive the restored gospel
3. Lineage is of Ephraim--a choice heritage
4. You will help establish Zion
5. Find a worthy occupation and eternal companion and be married in the Temple.
Things that didn't come true in mine: (These were not said as directly but strongly implied):
1. I will serve a mission
2. My parents will join the church
And, of course--IF YOU ARE NOT WORTH, THESE THINGS WILL NOT COME TO PASS.
Did I miss anything? The Boner!