...in elders/high priest quorum meetings: To love your wife and never fight, to give in, to never have contention, that letting her have her way was the lords way for you to humbly submit as the more righteous priesthood holder, so as not to lose the spirit in your home?

How many of you followed that only to find that what you were doing is going over the top in trying to please her, thus enabling her to manipulate and control you in the marriage which was doomed to failure from such dysfunction?

I have a TBM relative right now who is sucking up to his mormon wife so much, she's using him & treating him like utter crap.

Not trying to co-opt thread but in same vein:

In an average ward, what percentage of active TBM males are in Elder's Quorum and what percentage are in High Priests? And also is the Bishoprick and Stake Presidency High Councilors (or whatever it's called) included in that High Priest's percentage or is that a different number?

Thanks.

It's usually about 80% elders and 20% HP. The bishopric (bish,counselors,etc) by calling must be HP (unless direct descendent of levite/jewish lineage). The clerks can be either HP or elder. Stake leader/councilors callings are all HP.

I was taught that and did that in my first marriage. She walked all over me and even brought the guy she cheated on me around a lot. I just sucked it up as the good priesthood holder. After I divorced her I learned to not be such a carpet and now am very happily married in an equal partnership.

Your friend needs to get the hell out of that relationship and the church. But have him start with the relationship. I would venture to guess, from personal experience, that he persists in allowing it due to a low self worth; most likely related to the truth he knows but doesn't want to admit (the church is crap essentially). Get him listening to "self help" in the form of Wayne dyer or someone who is not associated with the MORG, or even have him watch movies like the secret or what the bleep. See where it goes from there. I give those reccomendations because that is how I started my move away from the MORG.

Good luck in assisting him out.

I actually think that may be the secret to many marriages, even non-mo; the wife lets the husband act like he's in charge but they both know who's really the boss.

Ditto.
A few weeks ago someone here suggested a web site for daughters of narcassitic mothers. It was a real eye opener for what my daughters and I went through.
The first few months I was married I realized that my wife wasn't the same person that I dated.
Because of the church I stuck it out far too long.

Bishops and stake presidents would usually come out with the stuff like that, telling me that I needed to be a more supportive wife.

BrightAqua Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Bishops and stake presidents would usually come
> out with the stuff like that, telling me that I
> needed to be a more supportive wife.


How did they tell you to be supportive? What kinds of things? By giving in on conflict? By helping to make sure your man did the right thing? By reducing his stress through intimacy? What did they suggest?

Women are taught that they are responsible for the quality of the marriage and for keeping the husband happy. Here's a partial list of the nasty stuff I was taught:
- HE has the final authority in any matter. If the two of you can't agree, he can consider your opinion, but gets to call the shots and you'd better support his decision (no matter how sh*tty it is)
- HIS career and education take priority over yours
- Any "counsel" he gives you as a PH is just like advice from the Lard and you'd better heed it
- He's authorized to make decisions for you and your kids based on "inspiration"
- You're expected to cheerfully care for the home and family while he's off doing God-knows-what for his calling, his HT, etc etc. Church stuff that requires his presence trumps birthdays, anniversaries, kid events like concerts, recitals, and games, and just about anything else. You are supposed to be happy about this
- Stay a "sweet spirit" by not arguing with him or pointing it out when he's wrong about something
- Praise him for being so smart, capable, manly, and inspired

We were also told to keep him happy by making the home a sanctuary where he could retreat after a tough day out in the world earning money for his family -- they didn't change this advice for working wives/mothers. In practice, the women would pick the kids up from daycare and rush home to cook, clean, and do laundry while the men got to relax and unwind (zone out in front of TV until bedtime).

And IF the marriage falls apart, it's the woman's fault -- no matter what. As my old Bishop said: "If you go through with the divorce, he will get another wife. YOU will lose your exaltation."

Dang, wish my ex had been taught that. LOL

"Praise him for being so smart, capable, manly, and inspired"

I like the manly part. I'm going to ask Mrs Mittens to start praising my manliness.

Well, that's just the way it is for women these days in the 1800s.

And he gets the children

This is an interesting topic. We all here about the "righteous" priethood holder who treats his wife and kids like droppings.

I wonder if the numbers couldbe quantified, how many husbands are door mats, and how many wives are abused in all its variable ways?

Wait, I thought that was something Mormons only taught in RS?

My ex, a bona fide TBM nut burger, baited me by calling me a coward for not "defending" myself against her nightly tirades about my apostasy. I learned that talking to her--about most everything--was legitimizing suicide.

How better things are for me now. Divorced, re-married, and ex-Mormon.

I'm not a regular here, but Richard Packham's essay on Romney and the temple ceremony has charged my batteries.

First let me say it must be my fault that I was that STUPID.

My male parent became converted so he could marry my mom who came from a very strident MORmON family.
In the after math in their early married life that I was a part of as their offspring, my parents ENDLESSLY OPENLY spoke of how much they had pleased MORmON Jesus by being temple married instead of settling for HIGHLY DISTASTEFUL conventional marriage. I overheard all about how pleasing their LDS TEMPLE marriage was to MORmON Jesus. OF course I had no way of knowing at the time that they had ultimately pleased MORmON Jesus with INSANELY STUPID SECRET HANDSHAKES done in the LDS temple.
Conventional Marriages were so distasteful that it was a miracle that Jesus didnt just give the Laban treatment to all those hopelessly apostate non member non temple married couples. This concentrated LDS BS permeated my brain and senses. Non Members suck! members who are not married suck too! As MORmONS, we all know that a person has to be married or they are TRASH.

by the time I was a young adult I had heard endless hours of preaching on the critical necessity of being married to plese MORmON Jesus, With ZERO PRACTICAL advice on how to make a marriage work or pick a partner. The MORmON key to making things works was to be a Good MORmON member, then everything will be OK! Worst of all there was never any hint about ppl who were not suitable marriage partners or acceptably exiting such a marriage when found trapped in one, because the emphasis on being temple married was so overwhelming to the exclusion of any common sense about the matter.

Its my own fault that when I heard the secret handshake BS in the LDS temple before my mission that I did not reject it and tell LDS Inc and mY parents to shove their insane cult. by this time I was too programmed to be able to reject the LDS cult.

After *my* ( THEIR) LDS mission, I had lost interest in the LDS church. It was an opportune time to get rid of the church and its toxic meddling in my life. Instead, I made the huge mistake of marrying an LDS girl. WOrse yet she was a lesbian & schizophrenic, both deals that MORmONISM only exascerbates.
Not exactly an ideal marriage partner and situation, but somehow the SHRILL MORmON ideal " ya gotta be married!!!!!!!" prevailed. I ground it out wasting my life instead of GETTING out and saving myself. *Thanks* to Spencer Kimball for the BS LDS advice that any two can make it as a couple if they just use the MORmON gospel as the ultimate concern in their lives.


I thought I was being nice when I let my children spend most of their time with their mom, after all they were girls, and I needed to spend a lot of time working to earn the money to pay my dues to MORmON Jesus Inc and his LDS secret handshake club. I had no clue that I was really just feeding the kids to a crodocile ( their Mother) one piece, one bite, one day at a time during their early years.

There was never anyone to offer any really constructive advice to me about the situation. and of course, after it was way too late, the MORmON church waddles onto the scene to Exclaim
"wow this is a real mess! how did it ever come this! too bad you did not live the gospel more closely & avoid this disaster"

My MORmON male parent is dead, THANKFULLY! My MORmON Mom gets pissed and doesnt want to hear it now, that the disaster known as my marriage and my life are direct results of the application of MORmON concepts, ideals, and living.
She has two grandaughters that she will never see again because they were sacrificial lambs to the Idea that the church always gets what it wants FIRST! and MORmONS *know* it cant be the church's fault. So it must be my doing/fault !

dude.....you were married to my ex-wife. psycho mormon chicks suck.