Since I came to where I am now (out to some, never going back, haven't sent a letter yet) in the past few months I have been feeling so guilty about judging others during my time in the church.

I definitely judged others I would see leave as doing it for convenience or sin because that is what everyone else around me did and the only reason I could see they would want to leave. I hadn't had my eyes opened to a LOT of truths yet and fully believed in the LDS teachings so it really didn't even occur to me people would leave over doctrine, just that they would stop caring and ignore it to make themselves feel better about going against the teachings. Well, or they were being taken down by some anti literature that they were fooled by and was just there to be a big meany. Man was I a douche.

When a friend told me a guy I liked in my youth jumped the fence to get out of the MTC I thought he must be psycho. I thought, geez, if you want to leave just tell them and they will let you leave. Now after I have a better understanding of the pressures that made him probably go unwilling there in the 1st place and the craziness of the temple he had just been put through I think differently and with empathy for what a terrible mental state he must have been in.

I feel really bad now for mis judging plenty of people that indeed did leave over doctrine and regret gossiping about 'did you hear so and so went apostate? Wow, his poor wife, I would probably want a divorce if I was her' Note, I wasn't married when saying this but I still should have realized a belief change didn't need to mean the end of a marriage.

Overall I just feel bad for things I've thought and said and other religions I put down while thinking I was so important to know it all and go every Sunday and look down on those who only went on Christmas and Easter. I know plenty of mo's will judge me the same way now so I guess what goes around comes around.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/27/2012 08:51PM by romy.

I can only imagine what they are saying about me, since nobody has bothered to ask. And I didn't explain when I resigned.
I'm pretty sure they all think I left because I was offended by the sp.
He's is a disgusting piece of shit, but I would never let him determine my religious beliefs.
I left because the church is not what it purports to be.

to a friend I had in high school.

She had taken the missionary lessons, decided to get baptized, and then backed out. She told me that she'd join in the next life. I told her that now she had HAD her chance, she wouldn't be given the opportunity in the next life.

Geez.

I WAS just telling her what I believed. But what a jerky thing to say to someone.

So I felt pretty bad when I realized that I was a jerk.

But don't you feel better now that you realize it? Apologizing is admirable. You were a victim too.

That's one of my big regrets too, how I shoved everyone and everything into this little mental box that had no room for wider reasons why things are so.

Biggest regert is my own family. I was the most active and I thought they were stubborn, holding grudges, bitter...worst of all I THOUGHT that mom's stillbirth was because God foresaw the family apostatizing and took the baby's spirit back to spare her the risk of damnation of living with us. I'm just glad I never said that out loud.

I judged myself more harshly than anyone, and almost...well, almost died young, literally. Judging myself harshly was what tipped the scale of finding out it's fake.

It is terrible how I felt so ok with being preachy to others vs. the live and let live attitude I've done a better job of adopting in my adulthood.

I thought it was ok to tell others sex before marriage was wrong etc. actually things no where near that like laying in bed with a guy I would tell friends I disapproved of. It was those things vs. missionary work/doctrine I would make an issue of. I didn't ever share any of that really but thought I was the authority on moral issues.

I look back and realize I must have looked like such a preachy bitch.