Posted by:
anon for this
(
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Date: July 26, 2014 03:13PM
I bought into that, and repeated it often until I was in my 40s
Like bearing testimony, It was a regular 'thing' to talk about what a wonderful, righteous, loving family we had, and what a righteous priesthood holder and provider my father was. In reality, he was emotionally distant and controlling. Judgement was emotionally (not physicially) harsh and sometimes has included permanent labels for not measuring up or being non-cooperative. There is a culture of harsh criticism, passive aggressiveness, labeling and gossip (disguised as concern . . . . just like in the church).
My mother was emotionally fragile, powerless and unhappy for as long as I can remember. Her relationship with my father seemed like mother/daughter instead of equal. He called the shots and divvied out approval/disapproval for whatever she wanted to buy or do. This the way the church treats women in the church organization, too. Their role is a supportive one, not a leadership role, and not one that leads to personal growth or fulfillment. The only power she exercised was passive aggression. And she has done it very well.
Like the church, we had a leader (my dad) who set up expectations and micromanaged everybody, right down to how we broke up the lettuce, or peeled and cut up the potatoes. He knew the best way to do EVERYTHING, and if it you didn't do it his way, you got in trouble. As if it really mattered how you peeled the potatoes. The sad thing is that my siblings have paid a really high price for being micromanaged. Indecision, lack of ambition, dependency, etc.
Like the church, in our family, if someone (with authority) says "jump" most everybody jumps, even if the request is out of line. And if someone does something kind of shady or mean, nobody dares call them on it, or ask questions or there is hell to pay. How DARE you question that golden person? They are above reproach. Note: only a couple people are allowed to make demands. There is a family hierarchy. The rest know their place.
Like the church, everybody plays nice at gatherings, and talks about how wonderful the organization is. But relationships are shallow and sometimes guarded. People (especially my mom) gossip, which undermines trust and openness.
And, like the church (or any other cult), it's NOT okay to talk about the problems with other members of the organization. One of my siblings and I tried to discuss some issues with other family members and were met with a really cold response and denial.
And finally, like the church, when you buck the system of control, it loses it's power. It seems SO impossible scary to do, like you'll lose everything. But the organization really only has the power YOU allow it to have. You may lose some relationships (or an inheritance) when you do this, but you'll gain your own autonomy and self-respect, and you'll get your life back.