I have been out of the church for over 7 years, but I still catch myself looking for about 5 minutes on Mormon.org or wanting to watch a Mormon commercial.

Sometimes I drive to the church hopping it is open just so I can sit in the chapel or walk around.

I know this sounds strange , but I even catch myself walking into places and thinking, "This is how the Meetinghouse smelled like"

I kept some of the books and materials. Sometimes I want to just go back to get a temple recommend because I never went in a Temple. I left too soon.

I was a convert that left before the year was up to get a recommend. I had a lot of family pressure to leave because my parents knew it was a cult and I still wanted to please them.

I wonder if it wasn't for them if I would still be Mormon...

I always sort of knew it had to be a lie, but why do I find myself wanting to go back. I remember like 2 years ago I took a trip to Nauvoo by myself and I felt like it would make me realize it was a huge joke and honestly I feel like I didn't get much out of the trip. I felt like an outsider...

The best way to describe it is that I guess may be my mind wants to not be wrong and may be they were right (but I know that is crazy) or do I miss the social aspect. I mean even today I just want to drive by a meetinghouse, just to see if I could go in...

I sound crazy... sorry

The best and quickest way to address this wondering is to go back and try it. I don't mean to just sit in a few meetings and sing a few hymns, I mean play Mormon. Pay a full tithe; get assigned your visiting/home teaching; attend the conferences; make it known you will serve; clean a few toilets; invite your family and friends and workmates to have the missionaries in. Be A Mormon and then come back and let us know how it went and the best of luck.

Brilliant idea. God that sounds horrible.

You have the broader perspective and you can see the church for what it is. You might be able to find a balance in the church that gives you what you want or you won't find it there and should continue your search. This isn't a competition and nobody is going to add up your points at the end of your life. Be happy doing what you want to do.

I tried it for a couple of months (different church; same crazy). It was a miracle cure.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2014 03:00PM by Beth.

I don't know...I know everyone is different. I was a TBM for 4 decades, BIC, RM, HP, YBU grad, Bishop, etc. - once I knew it was a fraud, I have never yearned for those days. It's like buyers remorse xinfinity for me. I can't even fathom going back. I love life so much now. Perhaps what you miss is the "fellowship." Maybe you should try another church or community group? How can you miss those boring meetings? Ugghh...killer sac meetings, etc.

I agree completely. I never want to go back, ever. The thought of dressing up for church to sit in a 3 hour lecture session makes me shudder and gives me a dark oppressed feeling.

Buyers remorse is spot on. I wish I hadn't been raised mormon.

For me it was before I officially left the church.

Michaelc1945 I don't know who you are but your tag has special significance to me. Very strange. Regards.

I was just miserable there most of the time. The constant racist, sexist, homophobic comments drove me crazy. Maybe if you found a different church/volunteer/interest group it would satisfy your longing? And then after a few weeks go back for a visit and contrast? Often nostalgia makes us recall only the good things - high school fun, not homework...

When you aim higher. Seriously. Even at my most TBM I could barely stay awake. I really don't understand the draw you feel.

I would say you need to explore and discover everything out there that is better because if you feel Mormonism is as good as it gets, you have some digging to do.

I hope you find something worthy of your passion.

I can't imagine feeling that way. Some of us couldn't walk away fast enough. The only part I missed was socializing with my friends. I'd known those people for 30 years, but I quickly realized that I didn't fit in with them anymore. That made me sad.

But you sound like just the sort of person that the missionaries hope to find. Someone who is searching for a place to belong. You wanted it to be true.

I did too, but it's not, so I see no point in being there. Once I realized that it was all a lie, there was just no point to it anymore.

My family are not Mormon either. They never put any pressure on me to leave. They supported me. But I know that they were very relieved when I left. Only then did they feel free to tell me what they really thought of the Church. I never knew, because they had kept it to themselves.

At first it was scary, because the outside world felt like a big bad unknown to me. But now I'm so grateful to be a part of the real world.

There are so many groups that you could belong to which wouldn't put pressure on you to be perfect, or try their best to keep you thinking like a little child. I never felt like an adult until I left the Church.

I'll probably never truly fit in with the rest of the world. There is some damage which seems to be permanent. But I definitely don't want to belong to the organization which did the damage in the first place, even during the times that I might miss it.

Maybe you could identify exactly what it is about the organization that you miss and then you could seek out other groups that could give you those same things, without causing damage at the same time.

Most people are social creatures. Like-minded individuals tend to gravitate together. If you're not interested in participating in the fraud of Mormonism but miss the sense of connection, perhaps you could find it in another group in your area.

It's home. Why would you not want to go home?

I have nothing to offer as I have never had these feelings. I would suggest researching what people do for Stockholm Syndrome. Seriously.

You want to get a temple recommend? That's one thing you shouldn't miss about the church. If you've seen a temple from the outside, you've seen the good part. Trust us on this one.

I like looking at the temples, some of them. They symbolize something I want, like safety or perfection or reverence. I've just learned that I'll have to find those things outside the temples.

You want to get a temple recommend? That's one thing you shouldn't miss about the church. If you've seen a temple from the outside, you've seen the good part. Trust us on this one.

I like looking at the temples, some of them. They symbolize something I want, like safety or perfection or reverence. I've just learned that I'll have to find those things outside the temples.

There were things I liked, but most Sundays I left there with a headache.

Would be nice if you could just go and hang out and socialize and do fun activities. But unfortunately some poor schmuck in the bishopric has to fill the squares and call you to something (as I once did). Then its back to having to prepare lessons or plan activities for people who don't care.

I often wonder if church is as bad as I remember, as I quit going 16 years ago. But every few years I attend for a nephew's mission farewell or something. Hear all sorts of guilt trips telling people what they should and should not be doing, and how they can become "worthy". Then I realize it is actually worse than I remembered.

In fact a few months ago, I was at a missionary homecoming, and in SS, the teacher asked why members become apostates. My SIL stood up a few feet from me and said she thought it was because of sin. Struggled to keep my mouth shut, and figured I'd let them bathe in their self-delusions.

Ironically, I drove there a few hours with my TBM brother and we swapped stories of members we knew who had been scammed by their fellow ward members and lost their life savings. Apparently scamming isn't a sin, as they were not apostates.

It's started going away for me when they started their systematic process of taking the fun out of absolutely everything. Seriously, everything fun that went on in the church has been removed. They made everything lame and boring.

Sounds like you miss a community feeling, not the morg. Why not try another religion or a service organization?

From what I read, the sunday services are the most uninspired bore fest on earth....are you saying you REALLY missed this? Are you looking with rose colored glasses?

What about the Unitarians or United Church of Christ? Find an organization that does not rob and abuse people. Regardless of personal experience the morg is an evil organization, for gawd's sake their official rag tells single women to pay tithing first and hope that gawd takes care of the electricity so their children don't freeze. That is sick.

The morg is sick. Maybe some therapy would help, to find out what the morg triggered in you that you were missing.

Those things are triggers for you. They are planted in your mind through the teachings of the church with the intent of taking control or your thinking. Maybe thinking of it that way will help you. I find my "active Mormon" emotions flare up when I am in certain situations. Now that I think of those things that bring back my "active Mormon" emotions as triggers they are much easier to deal with.

You weren't even in for a whole year and you feel this way? You should go back to them, so they can all judge you. Serve, pay, pray, and obey. But do it for at least two years this time. And wear those fugly garments all summer long!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/26/2014 03:19PM by brook.

Was it actually fun and uplifting? Seldom if ever.

The reality was stifling and grueling, intrusive and lock step, expensive and time consuming.

If you're regretting it wasn't a lovely dream come true, remember the hard nosed boring details and you might appreciate fresh air and freedom a whole lot more.

I used some Mormon teaching in reverse! Make the decision once!
Once I made the decision, I wanted to do different things.
And I did.

When I first left the church as a young woman, I would go back every now and then when I was home at my parents' house. I would cry all the way through the services. I did the same thing a few years later when I visited a TBM sister; went to a RS meeting with her and sobbed all the way through it. The women's voices during an opening song reminded me of my recently dead mother and I lost it. My sister thought I was repenting!

I finally realized I was reacting sentimentally about the church, memories of my childhood, and some of the people I'd grown up with, but when faced with actually becoming active again, I just couldn't honestly find the desire to go.

That sadness went away.

The saddest person I know -- in my whole current existence -- is my TBM sister and her husband. They served a disastrous retired-couples mission, came home almost broke. They are unhappy, angry, resentful, maintaining tenuous relationships with their children who have left the church, and barely in touch with some of their grandchildren. But still slog through their church duties, hostile as they may be. And they don't even recognize it!!

Read this story on this site yesterday, about one converts experience with temple marriage maybe it would be of help to you;

A Mormon wedding in the Mormon temple:
www.exmormon.org/whylft45.htm

The Mormons have fake priesthood and fake temples we were fooled too long by their false promises and found that all that tithing
We paid for too many decades went to the top leaders for their " high costs of living!" See
www.businessweek.com/articles/12-17-10/how-mormons-make-money

You definitely have not been in the church long enough to realize it all wears off. You should read the following.

http://packham.n4m.org/tract.htm

http://mormonthink.com/personalstories/Letter-to-a-CES-Director.pdf

You were probably "love-bombed" into the church and made to feel special, etc but these things level off after a while and then you are expected to turn into just another worker bee drone for the church.

unfortunately you let your family tear you from the church instead of allowing you to choose for yourself. You needed to learn to think for yourself instead of letting others do that for you (both by the Mormons and your family). I think you miss the social aspect and the POSSIBLE chance that it might be what it really claims to be. I think you need to definitively quash this notion de-converting from Mormonism so you can realize how truly false the religion is. Study the above links and then find another community to be a part of.

The emotional draw can be there even for those who know the truth from the CES letter, etc. And even with the big time commitments. I still feel it. I mean, what is someone to do when they build their entire life and friendships on TSCC?

Agreed. I studied my way out of the church but it took several years because I was socially, culturally, and emotionally attached to the church. I knew it wasn't true deep down but still wanted to be a part of it. Even after I stopped attending I went into a minor depression. It took about a year or two out of the church when I finally felt happy being a non-Mormon. Now I couldn't ever imagine being back in it. The LDS Church is like a bad drug.

When will you learn that wanting doesn't make you crazy, bad, or anything?

You are human. You will be fine. Get over feeling guilty for wanting.

Do what you want. Only do it honorably. Live without regret.

When you begin filling your life with activities and ideas that you find more valuable than the false things you were convinced Mormonism provides you.

If you truly do believe Mormonism provides you more than a life outside of Mormonism that means to me that you may have left Mormonism for reasons other than what was best for you.

Leaving Mormonism is not necessarily easier than staying a Mormon. In my opinion, it is much more genuine and authentic for both positive and negative your life becomes yours.

many if not Most of us have Family entangled in the Corp & its lies;

many, if not Most of us are more loyal to family than they are b/c of the above.

the TRUTH ('facts'), and to individuals is where loyalties belong in MHO, but that isn't policy or practice or teaching ('doctrine') of The Corp.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2014 12:45AM by GNPE.

I was so busy rejoicing that I was out, I never felt like going back. I'd rather have a root canal every hour on the hour for the remainder of my life than to back as a matter of fact.

Have you thought of investigating other church communities? You could do so without any pressure to join. You would have the good aspects of a church community minus the controlling, cult-like aspects.