from 38 years of abuse in a marriage where my holy priesthood ex hubby abused my in every way possible except sexually, and I am discovering it is not that easy to just move forward and be normal. I have major issues with trust, for a start. And it is not just from the MoScam, but I have a hard time trusting pretty much anyone.

I guess I have been in denial of the scars he left upon me, because I do consider myself a strong person, but I think I need to get some professional help. However, I refuse to go to an LDS counselor. And I cannot imagine calling around and asking if they are LDS or not, that just seems wrong, and if they are they would probably lie to get my business. You see, I trust no one.

I would actually like to to go an exmo counselor, because issues with mo'ism will definitely come up , and I do not want some TBM counselor sitting in judgement of the scarlet" A" I wear. Does anyone here on the boards know of someone good I might go to see here in the SL valley? I am a just little broken.

I can't really help you with your question as I don't live in your country.

But I want to say that I am so sorry that you went throuhg such heartache. You did not deserve it.

I hope you find the help you want and need. And I wish you much strength and light on your path.

http://www.mamapedia.com/article/a-marriage-therapist-counselor-that-is-not-lds

A good start.

I am trying to find one...help!

In the past I have talked with several crisis counselors, psycholigists and shrinks. I always asked if they were LDS. As a client I have the right to know so I can properly filter their counsel.

I'm not in that area, but I applaud your bravery and good judgement in finding a good therapist. I don't know anyone who has been abused who does not have trust issues! It is the natural consequence. One of the great things about NOT being mormon anymore is that you can take off the yolk of self blame, unworthiness, and the idea that if "I only work and try and pray hard enough" and really start taking steps to heal.

Yay for you.

I don't live in SLC so I don't know how helpful this advice is, but you could contact a church or synagogue and ask if they have a directory of professional in their membership. At least you would know they weren't LDS.

I hope you can get some comfort soon!

you could do that...but I wouldn't. Just my opinion. You can look up who is on your insurance and just give them a call. Ask if they are religious or if their method of counseling is religion based. It is 100% ok to ask if they are LDS, especially in Utah. Ask what they specialize in...you would be looking for someone who specialized in trauma and abuse. You may or may not prefer speaking with a woman. It is important for you to find a good "fit" a healing place with someone you can trust. And if you don't find the right fit at first, keep at it.

I am glad to know it would be acceptable to ask if they are LDS or not. Being an RN myself that just almost seems unethical or prejudiced or I don't know what, but I am going to give it a try. If I don't like the first one I will move on to another.

I thought I was pretty tough and normal, but Col. Moroni has helped me to see that some professional help could really be helpful to me. Ashamed to say this, but one day he found me slashing away at one wrist. I was not trying to kill myself, but wanted to see if it would really hurt and it didn't. I felt nothing. He was UPSET!

And there have been other things. It has been hard for me to admit that maybe I could use a some help, I have always just seen myself as a survivor. So I will look. Thanks for the advice.

What you were doing is called, "cutting." It is a way of releasing pain for people who are in great emotional turmoil. A friend of mine used to do that, but thankfully stopped.

I really like the idea of you getting counseling. I think under the circumstances. it would be very strange if you *didn't* have trust issues.

What I do is grab the list of providers my insurance will cover... and then search for those names on Angieslist.com. Often there are good reviews and information there about medical providers.

Even so, you can always ask at the first consultation.

I'm way far away from Utah, but a friend recommended her therapist to me. Then she happened to mention this therapist is mormon. I told her, there's no way I'll even step foot inside that woman's office because the greater majority of my issues stem from mormonism, so how can she treat me without bias? How could I trust her to be open and honest with her? In the back of my mind, she'd always be a mormon first. Friend said she went back to therapist and told her that and the therapist agreed that I showed good judgment in deciding I wouldn't be a good fit. d

Perhaps when you call to make an initial appointment, that's a question you could ask the appointment maker.

There is no harm in asking "Are you LDS?", I would be shocked if they lied about that, and if they did I'm sure you would pick up on it pretty quick and then there would be a lawsuit. Besides, trust or not, how will they know what the 'right' answer is to get your business?

THAT is a most excellent point. They may think I am looking for just that! Thank you so much!

Great point, you could ask if they are LDS, if they think you're wanting that their reply might be an over zealous "yes" and you can say no thanks. If they say no then great!

I understand.....trying to find a non-mormon therapist in Utah is a joke!! I searched specifically for non-mormon therapists in utah. That just opened up my online seach for hundreds of mormon therapists. I don't trust mormons either, they all fit in a little box, you can tell immediately that they are mormon as soon as they open their moutht The way they speak, judge others, dress, live, it's in a little box, but they are the only one's who truly don't see it. They are blind to the brainwashing of the religion. The few that get out are messed up usually for the rest of their lives, searching for an answer they will never get. Many give up and just become athiests. Living in Utah has also made me trust no one. I was in a horrible marriage as well, he was not mormon but a very abusive man. Glad you escaped, and as far as asking if they are mormon, ask!! That's very important to ask!! You will not get the help you need by going to a mormom therapist, did you pray? did you go to your bishop? did you honor your husband? are you temple worthy? go back an obey your abusive husband, it's a sin to leave, read the book of mormon together than pray, go to church regularly and do all your church callings, you didn't do enough that is why your marriage is failing, pray harder and make dinner from scratch, This is all bull!! Ask specifically for a non mormon therapist and get the support you need! Don't give up on life, there is life past the confinement and imprisonment of mormonism. Don't give up on you!

Don't make the mistake of only seeing an exmo councelor.

It has nothing to do with their ability to help you, it

only indicates that they know about the church.

Just because someone is an exmo does'nt mean they have

ethics or honor. The guy my sister saw initiated an affair

with him. He was married and she was going through a painful

divorce. He was a creep and she ended up getting disfellowshiped.

It's absolutely OK to ask. Even believing mormons use therapists, and you can bet they'll ask, because they'll want a mormon therapist. I wouldn't state my preference up front, however – if they answered "yes" I'd simply respond "thank you" and move on.

I'm sure it's a common question and asked of every Utah therapist.

Hello! Does anyone know of a good non-Mormon therapist in the Davis County area? I am looking for help for my young daughter. I left the church about 12 years ago...she is only 19, was married in the temple 8 months ago after knowing him only a short period of time. Turns out he is a monster...verbally abusive as well has physically threatened her. She has been living in hell for the entire time, but for some reason is conflicted as to whether or not she should leave him. I am sure the mormon dogma keeps her mind in a conflicted state due to it's "eternal marriage" concepts. It would be good for her to get professional help from someone who might be understanding of the complexities of family issues that arise from parents leaving the church (me). She has older siblings still very Mormon giving her bad advice. Help!!

Hi, maidy. Haven't seen you in so long, and didn't know you were in the SL Valley again. Glad to see that the Col.is still in your life. I finally decided I needed some counselling, too, and went to the local UU pastor for a reference. She steered me straight, too. UU are very trustworthy and pragmatic, and I'm very sure that in the salt Lake area they are fully aware and abreast of the issues. My counselling experience was going well, and I would have stayed on, but it was overtaken by events, i.e. my son's brain tumor. I have since retired and moved, and when the dust settles, I may engage another.

That's a great idea, Cludgie.

Contact Bill Gardiner in the Ogden area, if he is still practicing. Former bishop, left LDS about 25 yrs ago. Great guy.

I don't know anything about you, think4U, but you must be very careful, and save yourself first. Don't let your husband know that you are thinking of leaving him, because the worst violence happens when the abuser finds out the victim is going to leave. You must secure some finances, to use to hire a good (non-Mormon) attorney. You need to find a safe place for you and your children to go. Get a police restraining order.

You have more to think about, right now, than "recovering." You must think of "surviving"!

If you have already escaped from the criminal (yes, he is a criminal), then you can seek psychological help.

You are a RN? Use your medical connections. I find it works to ask another doctor, but a doctor in a different field of medicine, to recommend another doctor. I asked a friend's husband, who is a child psychiatrist, and would not compete with an adult psychiatrist. I told him I needed a non-Mormon.

My non-Mormon psychiatrist understood the Mormon situation very well, just by living around Mormons and having a lot of Mormon and ex-Mormon patients. He did not urge me to leave the cult, at all, but when I had to make tough decisions, he helped me through them. He understood shunning. Because of our mutual friends, he even knew some of the Mormons who were causing me problems. He diagnosed me with PTSD, because of childhood abuse, and also because I was married to a violent abuser, who almost killed me. It really helped me to get a proper diagnosis! Once I knew PTSD was my problem, I could learn how to deal with it. In my case, my psychiatrist did not give me drugs. He is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.

Everyone has been retired for a few years, now, and I don't see a therapist anymore. People are afraid to recommend someone, for fear of losing their anonymity. I'm still afraid of my abusive ex-husband, who is still free to do damage to anyone he wants to.

Oh--the poster is right--you are not abnormal to trust no-one. You must learn to trust only your OWN INSTINCTS. The Mormon cult brainwashes members to ignore their own heart, and to follow only the church leaders, even against their own better judgment. You feel "bad, creepy vibes" for a reason! Usually, your subconscious can detect strange body-language, or incongruous facial expressions, or words that are inappropriate. Your gut takes in this hidden information, while your mind is listening to words, which can often be lies.

I became much happier in my life, when I said "NO" to dating and trying to find another husband. I did trust some men enough to even love them, but I would not marry them, to give my children's lives over to them. This was a wise decision for me! However, I'm an introvert, I like being alone, and I have great children to love and devote my life to.

Don't let ANYONE push you into a relationship, unless you, yourself want it, in your heart.

I believe in doing research! I used to be in charge of hiring, reviewing resumes, interviewing prospective employees. Give YOURSELF that much care, in interviewing future relationships.

You are wise to interview your future therapist!

Knowledge is power.

Oh gosh, thanks. I didn't notice that.

Of course, the topic of finding a nevermo or exmo counselor in Utah comes up quite often. I'm sure a number of people will benefit from this post.

Ah fuck. How did that happen? I thought posts went away after a couple weeks.

I'm trying to understand how people are abused for so long.

How did you make it 38 years? How was he not arrested?

Were you not able to leave?

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm trying to understand how people are abused for
> so long.
>
> How did you make it 38 years? How was he not
> arrested?
>
> Were you not able to leave?


to clear it up for you FreeMan, MOrmon women are taught that a good marriage and family life is up to her. Its drummed into her for as long as she is in the church. Lots of women put up with
mental or physical abuse for years and feel guilty because they can't change their circumstances. So not only does the husband heap abuse on them , the church does as well and finally the woman allows herself to live with the abuse because she feels it is her fault. Is it beginning to be understandable to you?
I was in a marriage like hers , for years. The bishop knew that my husband was unfaithful and not only did he not infom me,
he never once instructed my husband to quit fucking around. So you see, the church, the priesthood , the husband all work against any chance a women may have to realize the truth of the
matter that the woman is not deserving of the abuse she recieves and that she should get out of the situation.A mormon woman
is a victim of the mormon church. This is not spoken of very
much, but this is the reason why many woman are not able to leave, they feel everything is their fault and she is the one
who should change it. Maybe now you are starting to understand how a woman can go years taking abuse from the church and her
husband. For me it wasn't until I found out the church was not true that I finally realized I had been an unwilling victim of
a misogynistic , paternalistic systems . That church is
repressive to women. The sooner they get out the better off they will be and they don't need strangers like you making derisive
comments about how can they stay in an abusive situation like that as if it is somehow something they chose to stay in. Do you really believe that anyone would stay in a situation like that
because they like it? Next time you come across a woman who has
been abused try not to blame the victim. OK?

Margaret Thompson - She is excellent!

Www.saltlakemaritalandfamilytherapy.com

Contact Information

420 East South TempleSuite 550Salt Lake City, Utah 84111 801-521-5068 margaret@saltlakemarital.com

In my opinion, you could actually just call and ask if they're LDS and I think they'd tell you. Or, ask their education and if they went to BYU then it's safe to assume they are.

My suggestion, though, would be to use a Christian church near you to find the best non-LDS counselor. From my experience when I left the mormon church while living in Provo, all Christian churches there are extremely aware of the LDS problem and extremely willing to help ex-mormons or transitioning mormons in any way possible. If nothing else, you could trust them to find you a non-LDS counselor since they will want to help you recover and get away from the LDS influence!

Centerpoint Church in Orem comes to mind. Even if you're not Christian, you could trust church people like that to get you the right resources since they are against TSCC.

I'm so sorry about your situation. You are strong and you will get through this, as painful as it is. I know it's easy to say that and so hard in reality, but believe in yourself and keep going!