Something hit me this morning while I was getting ready for work.

I had taken a benedryl to combat whatever fun new thing is in the air and was deciding what kind of coffee I was going to toss in the keurig when I went downstairs.

Somehow that got me thinking about Starbucks, and about the story I read here about the lady whose husband forbid her to have anything from there, even hot chocolate. (Luckily my mom was never hung up on that, and we would frequently stop for a caramel apple hot cider. Yum)

When nevermo DH and I were first dating, he would always ask me why I was so worried about what people thought of me. I never could figure out why I would care so much, because most of the time I would be telling him not to say or do something in public, around a bunch of people we'd probably never see again, and probably weren't even paying any attention.

I'm sure most of you have this already figured out, but it just hit me in my drowsy, sniffly brain that I had been raised to always act perfect around other people so as not to reflect badly on TSCC or my family.

So obviously everyone around me was always watching me and judging everything I did against everything I was supposed to do and be. They weren't just there to see a movie and couldn't care less about what others were doing.

Now as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that it is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. Because we all know they are supposed to always be the perfect example, exmos do tend to catch onto examples of mormons behaving badly to show that they don't practice what they preach.

Well now I've just thought myself into a big spiral. I'm getting more coffee...

Yes, we do tend to watch them to prove they don't practice what they preach but:

1) Non-LDS don't do that. In the first place, they couldn't care less about what Mormons get up to. Or, if they do care, they are a lot more understanding of the ups and downs of human nature so they aren't as hard on Mormons as Mormons think they are.

2) We do it because we were trained that way. Watch Mormons and see if they are living up to every covenant they made in the temple, or at baptism. We could probably untrain ourselves but it's hard to find a motivation to do so because there are so many Mormons being mean to us, judging us, looking down on us that it's very hard to not be delighted when they find themselves "hoisted on their own petard" as they say.

3) Personally, I think "But judging others based on appearances IS evil - why should I avoid appearing evil to impress someone who is actually being evil?"

4) If Mormons are worried about how they appear, they are doing a TERRIBLE job of maintaining their image. Lesson number one in PR class is that you have to get feedback about the impression you are creating. You can't just decide what makes a good impression on people then ram it down their throats. You have to listen to what people are saying and adjust accordingly. Think of any scandal of a celebrity or political figure and look at how they got feedback on from their handlers in order to come out NOT looking skanky. Otherwise, their out-of-control behavior just destroyed them. Mormons NEVER listen to feedback on the image they are creating and they are in a Brittany Spears situation. Probably a nice enough person but acts odd with no regard for what people are really thinking. Once she started listening and getting help for her behavior, she became less of a PR joke.

5) I had this thought just yesterday - you and I must be on the same page - that there is something weird about the emphasis on avoiding the appearance of evil and less emphasis on avoiding actual evil. They'd be far better off thinking "Screw it - I don't care how I appear. I'm going to develop some character and avoid being evil and let the chips fall where they may."

PS: Sorry for the lists - It's the only way I can organize my thoughts this early in the a.m. with this little of my iced coffee consumed. :)