Posted by:
scmd
(
)
Date: August 06, 2014 01:16PM
When I was at BYU, I fulfilled an internship in the "mission field." This was right before I made my final Houdini disappearing act from the church. I showed up at a fireside, mainly looking for girls, not knowing that the point of the fireside was to be the Stake Young Single Adults' leader explaining to the old maids, as in a basically any female in the group over 20 who was not yet at least engaged to be married, why it was that they were not married and what they needed to do to rectify their situations.
This was inappropriate under any circumstance, but if the guy absolutely HAD to hold this fireside, he should have done so out of the presence of the young men in the group, as nothing in it was for their benefit, and their presence only served to make the experience even more humiliating for the females.
Furthermore, why it was directed only at the females is anyone's guess. I was 21 and not dating anyone. Why did I not have to hear what was wrong with me that prevented me from being married yet? There were unattached men older than I who were present. why did the women deserve to be singled out?
Some of the jerk's comments were general - about weight and grooming, for example. Other comments were very obviously intended for specific young women who were present. One girl had lost an alarming amount of weight due to a serious illness, and didn't have much money, so she was forced to wear her clothing that was too loose-fitting. The jerk looked right at her as he discussed the importance of wearing clothing that fit properly.
Another young woman attended a local college while living on her own because her family. She worked to pay rent and feed herself while attending school full-time, and consequently didn't have very many outfits. The jerk looked directly at her as he berated her, not naming her, of course, but the identity of his subject was unequivocal, for wearing the same outfits too frequently. Her clothes were always neat and clean, and her grooming was impeccable, but because she owned maybe four dresses and not much more in the way of casual clothing, she was publicly criticized.
There was an eighteen-year-old girl in the group, a convert from a dysfunctional family with a single alcoholic mother and a father nowhere to be found - who seemed to suffer from anorexia. No one - parents, church leaders, anyone -- appeared to be doing anything to help this poor little girl. The jerk made direct eye contact with her as he discussed how just about nothing was more distasteful than an overweight sister [his terminology - unless it was a woman who was so successful at controlling her weight (this poor baby was obviously not successful at controlling her weight or she would not have looked like a refugee) that she overdid the weight loss thing just to make other young women who were less successful at weight control than she was feel bad about themselves. He added, still looking at the girl, that she was not half as attractive as she thought she was and did not look like the model she thought she resembled. I seriously doubt the side that she was attractive ever crossed this poor soul's mind. The only consolation in this case was probably that anorexics rarely see themselves as thin, so she probably thought her was talking about someone else and wondered why he was looking at her.
he took shots at other girls in the group for various sins confining them to the state of unmarriage, but he aimed the bulk of his vitriol at the intelligent girls, or those who "thought" they were more intelligent than the boys who otherwise might have dated them. He said it was great for a man to marry a woman who was capable of attaining the same level of education as he, but she did not need to attain it, nor did she need to make it obvious in any way that she was capable of attaining it.
He was extremely critical of a female who would contradict a male - particularly a priesthood holder - in any setting or on any topic, whether she was correct or not. he eyed a few of the brighter and more verbal girls as he said this. That was beside the point. a woman did not even disagree with, except on trivial matters such as preference regarding flavors of punch (he actually said that; someone was getting the refreshments ready at the time, which probably inspired that inane comment) but he said even regarding the flavor of punch, the woman should ultimately defer to the man.
He insulted the young women present in ways I cannot even recall. He did offer praise to a few of the extremely attractive, submissive, and feminine young women present, calling them by name, and suggesting they wouldn't be single for long.
Now, nine years later, I'm ashamed of myself for not standing up in a most distracting manner during this man's presentation, walking out, and encouraging others to come with me if they were similarly offended.
I cannot be too specific here because I don't wish to be sued nor do I wish to cause problems for my father, who has financial dealings with the fireside presenter, but just in case someone thinks I'm making this up, I can tell you it happened in 2005 in a city in California between Manteca and Fresno.