Today a friend of mine told me that she has a stage 4 cancer and is likely dying within months. I'm okay. Everyone around her is being super sweet and sad and helpful... I would rather send her some links or jokes or pictures that will make her laugh. She's Roman Catholic and just got married a couple months ago... *sniff* but yeah, I just want to out together something hilarious for her to watch in the hospital. Help?

How terrible. I wish her Godspeed. My mother died of liver cancer 5 months after being diagnosed. There is no grace in hanging on with cancer.

The movie Rat Race is very funny, but it depends on your sense of humor. I thought it was hysterical but it has some crudity in it and references to Hitler and Nazis. It pretty much offends everyone, which is part of its charm.

I saw it on September 11, after the towers went down. The VP insisted that we all leave the building because terrorists were certainly on their way to our small building as an FAA contractor. My coworker and I were sore from laughing. Later that night I went home and cried.

After my mother died my sister and I went to see the first Austin Powers movie, another silly movie.

I think a Far Side book is always nice. Easy to pickup and put down. Those smoking cows get me every time.

If you can find CD's with Ruth Draper, the Italian lesson is a gem as is Doctor's and Diets.

If i was dying, I think I would want to spend as much time as possible talking and laughing with old friends about silly times that we shared together



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2014 08:55AM by ladell.

I'm so sorry, Suzanne. Ladell's suggestion is thoughtful and beautiful. Just being together sharing old memories, and making a few more new ones, would be a heartfelt gift for both of you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2014 12:25AM by braindead.

My lifelong best friend is now in a nursing home in the nasty final stages of multiple sclerosis. She can barely hobble from her bed to the bathroom and back, with her walker.

She lives in another state, but thank goodness, cell phone bills do not discriminate against "long distance" calls any more. I talk to her a couple of times every week. She sounds feeble and depressed, but I always try to coax a giggle or two out of her by reminding her of silly things we did as kids.

I tell her about stuff going on in my family's life, ask her opinion (she may be very ill, but she certainly isn't irrelevant, and I want her to know that.)

I do my best to keep her included in my life - and not marginalized. There is still an intellect trapped inside that ailing body, and I do my best to reach for it.

Sometimes I cry after talking to her, because it sounds like her batteries are running down, lower and lower. Each conversation could be the last, and we both know it. Nothing is taboo (it never has been, between us) and we talk about end-of-life issues along with everything else. Sometimes she tells me, "You're the only person I can talk to about this." That makes it all worthwhile.

We've been like sisters for more than half-a-century.

where little kids are given typewriters or Walkmans, and they're asked what it is, how it works, stuff like that.

Related are videos of teens reacting to music videos. What does the fox say? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJqKKLQSkh8

Here's the typewriter one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfxRfkZdiAQ&list=PL23C220A2C5EC0FDE&index=1

Try to ignore the annoying adults trying to sound like kids intro. Bugs. Me.

Do not try to make her feel anything different than what she is feeling. She needs support from a friend, not a clown.

Don't be afraid to make a joke, but please don't go out of your way to make her laugh, she many not want to, or be able to laugh at the time and the attempt could do more damage than good.

Rather than deciding for her that something hilarious to watch is in order, how about asking her what she is in the mood to watch, if any thing?



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2014 12:34AM by MJ.

I agree with what MJ is saying.

Sorry about your friend.

Is she into her church? I'm Catholic and I had to face my mortality when I had cancer. I came to the Christian church after this. Much more comfort in the Catholic faith as opposed to all the negativity in the Mormon faith. If she is strong she'll be OK. As for jokes, I can't help you.

My favorite joke at the moment:

A pair of whales swim into a bar.
The first whale says [make whalesong sounds] "OooOOOOooh awwwrrrwwaahhh KKKKKK (etc.)"

The second whale says, "Dude, you are so drunk."

My friend made several of her best friends promise not to wear underwear to her funeral.

She then enlisted her children to check to see if her friends were wearing underwear at her funeral.

At the funeral, her children "felt up" her friends to see if they were wearing underwear. Much laughter.

Maybe you had to be there....

When my mom had stage 4 cancer, I got a long list of questions and interviewed her about her life. I typed as fast as I could while she talked. Maybe you could do something similar, but focus on happy/funny things that happened in your friend's life.

Perhaps think of very practical tasks, chores, errands you could do for her - maybe she wants flowers sent to someone next week, or a letter that she dictated/wrote for her husband, to be given to him in a year or so; maybe she wants a new nightgown for her final days, maybe help with choosing songs for her funeral or writing the obituary [I know this is very in-your-face]...some individuals are very organized and will find peace in knowing that these things have been taken care of.

If she gets another birthday, make it special - streamers, cake, ice cream, cards from friends local and far away...

my heart goes out to your friend, her spouse and you. it won't be easy to lose someone you obviously care about.