I'm on a local parenting forum, and the question of the week was "tell us all about your wedding". I read so many descriptions of nice weddings, in varied places, with lots of guests. Of course I didn't participate - how do you even begin to explain a temple "wedding" to people that barely know of Mormonism? Not only is it embarrassing but it's sad and pathetic.

My temple marriage was horribly disappointing, such a huge let down.

So, if you could do it over, how would you do it? I would model mine after my never-mo cousin's. At a picturesque old farm house out in the country. Simple ceremony, married in a pretty white cotton dress. Afterward a big barbeque/buffet under tents in the backyard, with several local bands playing into the night. Very low key, relaxed, and FUN. A lot of guests brought casual clothes to change into, and a lot of out of town guests actually camped out (in tents) overnight. It was one of the most fun weddings I'd ever been to, and living out in non mormon country, I've attended plenty of nevermo weddings.

What would yours be like?

For starters, I'd marry a man.

PapaKen Wrote:
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> For starters, I'd marry a man.


ok, I really did laugh out loud at that!!

I love it that my 11 year old niece has two friends whose parents are gay and for her that is just part of the wide world of normal. She just attended one of their weddings.

I had a big catholic wedding, with a reception at the country club after. Big lacy wedding dress, a bunch of bridesmaids in matching bridesmaid uniforms, huge extended family and friends mostly of my parents there. Mom and Dad paid, Mom did the planning. It was nice, as events like that go. But I knew then I was an atheist and I had no intention of raising kids catholic. We just wanted to get married and it was the path of least resistance.

If I had it to do over, I'd have a simple ceremony with a judge and an informal party after.

We would have eloped. Done what we wanted and not what was expected. We then would have had a big party after we eloped. Or, a destination wedding. But it would not have been the train wreck it was.

I'd probably go for the destination wedding with only close friends and family present. Or, just a quick courthouse or vegas wedding...save the money for a two month honeymoon.

First, I would have finished school, have a decent job and have lived with the guy for long enough to be sure I wanted to marry him. So hopefully we wouldn't need household shitt and presents.

So I'd do what a friend of mine did and do a destination wedding. She went to Negril, Jamaica and bought a package. They only invited 2 friends to go to the wedding--to stand with them, then they split. So for presents, we all added things to their package, like spa time, glass-bottom boat tour, special beach dinners, etc. You could go online and have a host of things to choose from and some of us went together on the more expensive things. We threw her a bridal shower beforehand so got to celebrate with her then. They had an incredible time and I was SO freakin jealous after the ugly "wedding" I had to endure.

I wouldn't have gotten married. We divorced after five years. In hindsight we agree marriage was a mistake.

I just attended the most fun wedding I have ever been to.

It was on a houseboat on Lake Powell. Not just any houseboat, but a 5200 sq foot houseboat.

All the guests were shuttled there from the marina. Then we all had dinner on the boat. After dinner, the bride and groom arrived on a helicopter that landed on the helicopter pad on the top of the houseboat. The wedding was performed (is that the right word?) by the owner/captain of the boat.

We all had a fun party afterwards. Most stayed overnight on the boat and went water skiiing and jet skiing the next day.

Ours was private, on the patio at my parents farm home, with just the wedding party and close family in attendance (followed by a formal reception in town). An family friend married us and he did it right...41 years and counting.
After the dinner, my wife and I headed out for a 2 week honeymoon in our '72 Chevy pickup truck and camper. Much Hamm's Draft was consumed during that very hot trip (June- no A/C)

Ron Burr

I would have nailed her while we were dating on a relaxed evening. Not the hurry up and get it done at the end of a stressful wedding day. She would have done it. The problem is that then she would have felt extremely guilty for the rest of her life. The guilt programming runs deep with this girl. She is an adult and she is still terrified of her TBM parents' disapproval. At this point in my life, I really feel like a formal wedding is mostly for the benefit of your kids.

DH and I have been married for 31 years. We were married in the SLC temple. The temple portion of the wedding was a disaster... waiting for late/rude TBM family members, all of our little nieces and nephews had to wait outside, the temple matrons kept wanting to re-adjust my dress, the old man performing the ceremony was incredibly boring.

We made the most of it, though. We rode to the reception in my father-in-law's decked out old Model T. The reception was at a beautifully landscaped 'Old Farm' with ponds fountains and blooming spring flowers! We were poor college students getting married during Spring break so we didn't do much for our honeymoon...except for the love making... that was amazing!

Now that we are both ex-mos, it feels as though our wedding, and even much of our marriage, was outright hijacked. Having worked the residual effects out of our lives, we think it's about time to be getting married... for real, this time.

I love the idea of exchanging our own, personal, heartfelt vows at the beautiful farmhouse we have built together surrounded by our children, great friends, and family members that we genuinely like (lol) ....followed up by a two month honeymoon to Europe... with lots and lots of still amazing love making! ;)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2014 02:56PM by braindead.

I'd elope and get married on the beach with flowers in my hair and bare feet.

I guess I'm a hippie at heart.

readbooks Wrote:
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> I'd elope and get married on the beach with
> flowers in my hair and bare feet.
>

Me too! I'd want my dress to be sleeveless and simple/beautiful.

When I got married, my husband had just converted (and actually not because of me. we started dating a month after his baptism). we knew we wanted to get married and didn't want to wait a full year. So, we had to get married in the RS room since you can't use the chapel for marriage. (Then we were sealed later at his year mark in the church...we hadn't been married a year yet either!)

All in all, the most important part of a wedding is the marriage, but man...I dream about redoing that now. Before I left the church, I didn't care at all. But I'd LOVE for my wedding to not be associated with the church. I'd love to have a woman perform the ceremony or a gay friend or something and actually have it be simple & beautiful and with close family and friends...

To clarify - we didn't want to wait a year because we knew we wouldn't be "worthy" by then for a temple marriage. So we rushed. It worked out well for us, thank goodness, but that's not the case for many...such a stupid reason to rush a marriage, in my opinion!

Different bride.

Hijacked is the right word. It's a long story, but we married civilly first (not a wedding, just got married), then got sealed in the temple, along with our young kids, about 5 years later. Neither time did I get the day I wanted. The first time we got married to avoid a lot of hassle - my parents did not approve of him one bit. And trying to be the dutiful, obedient daughter we elected to get married rather then be led by satan and live in sin (there's SO much I'd do over again right there). Then came the day we got sealed as a family.

I was very much looking forward to it. All my life I'd only heard wonderful glowing things about going to the temple. We did our endowments and sealing on the same day. Needless to say, it was all a big giant WTF moment. Afterwards we drove 2 1/2 hours home, exhausted and confused. That was it. No celebration or party, because we were young parents and piss poor. Biggest disappoint of my life.

I would have live music, and better food.

Or I would elope. Because at the end of the exhausting day, the best thing about it was that my husband and I were married. And that made up for multiple snafus throughout the day.

I wouldn't have invited the entire ward to the reception. We served a buffet dinner and even though we invited adults in the ward everybody showed up with their entire families. Somehow the food held out, but I'm still not sure how. Kinda like the miracle of the fishes eh?

Of course there was no wine, so we didn't need the water into wine miracle.

So, no wine and lots of hungry Mormons. Yep, I'd do it a lot differently if I were to do it again.

I would ditch the temple and head off to some remote island in INdonesia and get married on the beach. An island with a 5 star hotel of course. Or just a 5 star yacht.

Absolutely. I'd gather my immediate family together, fly them to Hawaii and be married on the beach there. I'd keep the Bird of Paradise bouquet I had at my temple wedding (my favorite thing from that reception) but I'd wear some cute, beach-appropriate white wedding dress and have DH dress in khakis and a white button down shirt with a lei. I'd let my bridesmaids pick out whatever dress they wanted and afterward, we'd go out for some kind of nice dinner - the kind where you rent the space for just your family. A luau or Korean food (one of my favorites). If you can't picture it, google Cindy Crawford's wedding to Rande Gerber. She had the wedding I dream of having - at least the style - except I'd marry in Hawaii because I love it there. And she looks a thousand times better in her wedding dress. But I thought she did her wedding just right.

I'd still have a reception at home but I'd carry that Hawaii theme through with those flowers, drinks, nibbles and cake. Sort of like a Hawaiian cocktail party reception. I'm not big on the sit down dinners and dancing. I don't like being the center of attention. But a casual, outdoor drinks party would be OK.

In retrospect, I wish I'd had had a nice small outdoor wedding. One of my regrets in life is not having either of my parents at my wedding because it was in the temple.

PapaKen won. Please hold your calls.

My wife and I were married in our ward chapel. We lived in the "mission field" with no nearby temple. My wife made her wedding dress and she was beautiful. We had the reception immediately following in the cultural hall. My wife did it all. I had nothing to do with the whole show except to show up. You see until eight days prior to the ceremony I was on board a Navy ship and across the U.S. in California. We left for for St. George the next morning. Our bishop had gotten us permission from the 1st Presidency to go right to the temple. We had a letter from SLC to take with us to give to the temple president.

The next morning after arriving in St, George we were the only couple being sealed that day. My wife couldn't wear her wedding dress because it was not appropriate. You see my wife and I were both converts to the church and we were clueless as to what temple attire was. The beautiful gown my wife made had a low neckline and lace sleeves which you could see through. She was so disappointed as well as totally freaked out by the goings on in that building. So on this note she had real problems with the church which she didn't tell me about until we left the church thirty years later.

So long story short with what we know now a simple trip to the court house is how we would now do it. It has lasted and for that I feel blessed. So far we've been married forty-six years and hopefully we can keep it going. Luckily our trip through Mormondom was a journey that we traveled together and when over we left together.

"I had nothing to do with the whole show except to show up."

That reminds me of one of the wisest things my dad has ever said (he's not a man of many words). He said this during all the mad preparations for our wedding and reception.

He said: "The groom is incidental to The Wedding"

How interesting! We weren't allowed to get married in the chapel. We had to use the RS room for that. Though, the year prior (in a different ward) a friend was married in his ward chapel. They weren't allowed to do the wedding march, though. That was 12 years ago for us.

We got married in 1968 and our bishop really wanted us to succeed as TBMs. He bent over backwards for all the converts and that may be a reason he became an area rep. Today I imagine that he would be a seventy.

My parents were TBM and my husband's parents were Catholic so I would have been married civilly and then my in-laws could have attended our wedding. They were so gracious...never said a word about missing out. My parents would have been unhappy and I'm 100% positive they (mostly my mom) would not have been gracious about us not being married in the temple.

But my daughter had the perfect wedding, marrying in Berkeley at Tilden Park (with live music) on a lovely summer day with a sit-down lunch that she and her fiancé prepared, and then most everyone played games on the lawn or just hung out visiting into the evening.

http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/02/29/83/0e/view-of-torrey-pines.jpg

I wouldn't change the locale.

The DJ - I would fire the DJ and hire a different one, we met with this guy 3 times then he no shows and they send someone else.

NOT playing songs we asked for and playing shit like the macarena which we instructed NOT to be played no matter how many times people ask for it.

The short version
1st married in the Episcopal Church in Ogden. (Divorced)
2nd JP in my mothers back yard. (Divorced)
3rd Lady paster in my friends backyard. (Widow)
4th Our favorite restaurant my husband walked the isle with his best friend our wedding march "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch". We had a blast!!!! His first wedding was temple.

Mountain setting, hold a few wild flowers, wear a simple non-white dress, have a string quartet, dance, sing, and have amazing food and drinks.

We would have eloped!!! Families ruin weddings. They ruined mine. It was 19 years ago and I'm stil pissed about it ;-)

I don't know... a garden wedding, or a beach wedding; Someplace beautiful- with friends and family all around. (Unlike the first time when it was just the 2 of us and the 2 unrelated witnesses because his family was nevermo, and mine was too poor to pay tithing.)

What a fool I was to believe the teachings of TSCC.
The only good thing about it was that we got each other.

Sitting in the temple endowment ceremony, which preceded our wedding ceremony, I would have followed the strong promptings of my heart, gut, and legs--I would have run out of there! When the Narrator (or whoever) said that those who didn't want to participate could leave NOW, the automatic reflex of my body was to stand up, to leave, but I saw my family sitting all around me, and only made it one inch off the seat.

Follow your heart! I was about to enter into a ceremony with death oaths. I was about to marry a man who would beat me over and over again, until I had to divorce him, or be killed by him.

My second wedding was my do-over. We had been friends for 7 years. I loved him. Our wedding was at home, and all our family members were present--even the little kids we loved so much--we had a little ring bearer and three little flower girls. My bridesmaids picked out their own dresses, and two of the girls were non-Mormons. My uncle performed the ceremony. We said our vows to each other. My husband's elderly grandparents could attend, because they lived only a few blocks away. We could choose the time, because there was no temple room to reserve, and we saved tons of money on tithing. My wedding dress had a short skirt, and a low neckline. No veil covering my face and smothering me. Fresh flowers were everywhere. No silk chairs and crystal chandeliers. Guests could wear their shoes. Everyone laughed, and had a good time.

Anyplace my parents could have attended would have been fine with me in retrospect. Damn temple rules.

I would have been married in a place where all my family could attend. I was the oldest and my mom (who was an active member at the time) was not allowed to attend the temple. At that time, women were not allowed to get their endowments out if they were married to a non-member. My mom was heart broken and so was I. Instead, on my wedding day, we got married without any members of my family who could attend. It never felt right. I wish I had followed my heart and ran away from him and the temple!

I haven't been married, it is still against the law where I live. BUT, if I were to marry, I would want it to be a celebration.

If we have a wedding march sort of thing, I think it would be cool if it had people cheering like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 There is no question that wedding is a celebration.

I would like my wedding to reflect us, me and my partner, rather than be what others think weddings should be. For example, my favorite wedding that I attended:

I was lucky enough to be on the 3 day river rafting trip down the Rouge River where the couple met.

A couple of years later, when they got married, it was at the "put in" for the same section of the Rouge as the trip they met. They had their "official" wedding reception the night before the wedding (this was done because some of the people could not make it to the reception that was planned 3 days later).

The day of the wedding, the couple was in their tux and gown at the beach put in, everyone that had been on the first raft trip were in swim suites, some with life jackets, the rest of the guests were dressed in normal casual out door wedding attire.

The wedding was performed on the beach with the couple standing in a raft. As they did the kiss, the person at the oars pulled the raft back and into the river current. They could started drifting away as they were doing the kiss.

The rest of us that had been on the trip where the couple met, jumped in our rafts and gave chase. The same people that were on the trip where the couple met went on the same route as the previous trip. It was as 3 day floating reception ending with an informal reception near the place where the trip ended.

The wedding was a reflection of the couple, not what a wedding should be.

Just like I did after my temple wedding 32 years ago,

Except I wouldnt have returned to an all night party reception in those toxic relatives world. & let them use my wedding to suit their needs.

I would have gone where ever I wanted to be and just stayed there, and told them I was married to be polite not given a toxic family further control over my life.

Tahoe; Redwoods, Patrick Point State Park, retreat chapel in Juneau/ I dont know but away! I would have taken my wedding away and this time, make my celebration my own as well.

I wouldn't change it and most of you know my ex is gay. It was a "dream come true." I never thought I'd see the day that we ended up married. I did the endowment beforehand (as I'd seen my sister's face after her wedding in the temple). Temple marriage was short. The reception was at 1 p.m. to 3:30 in the "garden" area of the singles' ward we'd met in, which was really nice. I had compliments from everyone about how nice my reception was. Didn't cost much. Family made all the food except the meat. We had a buffet. The wedding cake was a gift. We left early in the evening for our honeymoon to Disneyland and Hawaii. It was 2 weeks long. Believe it or not, we had a great honeymoon. Crazy as that sounds.

What I will never do again is get married. Why? I'm in a long-term relationship and I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm committed. I tried that the first time. The commitment lasted 2-1/2 years. Now that I'm 19 years out from when he left me, I've had plenty of time to reassess what I would have/should have done. It is what it is. The only regret I have is what it has done to my children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2014 11:36AM by cl2.

1-Waited to find the right man who wanted to marry the right woman.

2-I would have given the ex a different finger. ;)

3-Marry my companion for compatibility and passion (yep, I want both!) and NEVER for church satisfaction, family approval, or finances.

4-Either the beach or the woods. Simple. Do you? I Do!
Kiss! Cake! Music and slow dancing looking into the eyes of the one I love. The only friends and family there would be supportive and kind. All others banned.

RMM