I'm a 20 yr old male and am scheduled to get my endowments taken out in the Salt Lake City temple tomorrow at 8:40 AM.

I do NOT want to do this...but I'm being forced to by my family, more so my parents than anything. They basically have my food, shelter, clothing, transportation, etc in the palms of their hands and can take it away if I don't comply. They are forcing me to go on a mission and I have been called to serve in the Philippines Olangapo with a report date of 3 and a half weeks from now.

I do NOT believe in the church and have high suspicions that I am trapped in a CULT.

My main concern is going through with the temple endowment. Is it bearable? Will I be coerced to do anything? What will I be promising to do?

MOST important of all...how do I avoid this??!? Please help, I'm feeling desperate, and extremely terrified

Going along might be the best option. The whole thing is bearable, and you might be able to better discuss your concerns with your parents after having been through. Just never go back and never put the garments on again. There is nothing special about the temple. Go through, and then let your parents know what you really thought of the experience. Have you read up on what actually happens in the temple?

Do NOT go on the mission though! A cheap trip to the Phillipines might be nice if you wanted to just stay a while, but it's not worth going through the MTC, and then fighting a mission president to arrange to send you home.

how are you forced?

There is nothing legally binding in endowments. The whole temple ceremony is on you tube if you want to see.

You are so right about the church being a fraud. You need to focus all your attention on avoiding that mission.

Have you read the letter to the CES director?
Www.cesletter.com
It will show you, using church sources, that the church is all wrong.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2014 03:05PM by Heresy.

It will only confirm your suspicion that it's a cult.

Tell them you're not ready for temple endowment and a mission. If they make compliance a requirement for temporal assistance, make do.

"But disappointing my parents will be so difficult."
True. Do it anyway. It's better than an LDS mission in the Philippines and a life of orthodox obedience.

Move out, get some roommates, get a job, find out what life is about earlier than the rest of your peers. You are 20. You are not being "forced" to do anything. Force is when you are in a Nazi prison camp and they tell you you're going to be part of an experiment and put a gun to your head if you do not comply. That is the meaning of force.

I have to agree here. When I first read your post I thought it sounded like you were in a tough situation. But you're 20-years-old. You should be able to move out and support yourself--especially if you enter a roommate situation.


If you don't have any non-Mormon friends whose apartment you can share, go on Craigslist and look there.

This is not that bad a situation. You can say "no" to your parents. You are a grown man.

OK... First, the temple endowment is bearable... boring but bearable. You can read the whole thing here: http://packham.n4m.org/temples.htm

You will survive it just fine. It's weird and it's different than other church practices, you watch a movie, you wear a weird outfit (bakers hat, apron, etc, all doable) and you repeat a bunch of pedantic stuff.

There are two parts, the "washing and anointing" and the temple endowment. The washing and anointing part used to be worse, (naked under a cloth poncho while some old guy would wipe oil on various places on your body, now you're fully clothed and it's just on your forehead afterwhich you go somewhere and put on your newly purchased garments (T-shirt and boxer briefs usually for guys now a days)

You will make all kinds of "oaths" none of them mean anything. They are not real, and you can not be held to them. A vast majority of people here, including myself have gone through the process and we're just fine. You will be too.

The mission is more the troubling part. Going on a mission as a non-believer would be a nightmare, especially to a foreign country. What will your parents do to you if you do not go? Do you have a job? Do you have family/friends that would help you? Are you going to college? Can you go to college and move into a dorm? Do you have savings, in your own name, that have been stored up for a mission that you can use to get out on your own?

They can not force you to go on a mission. They can make your life miserable, at least till you get on your own, though and that sucks.

There are a lot of ways to get out of a mission, there are ramifications for each of them, I really suggest you think through any suggestion or option.

Keep in mind that you are 20. You're young but you are an adult and no one can make you go on a mission if you don't want to. It may be difficult to make those choices, there may be implications that you aren't ready to face, unfortunately you may have to. Take things one step at a time and figure out what you want with your life.

"I'm not going".

....You are a 20 year old man, not a young boy. This might be a good time to take control of your own life, your own decisions. A very good name for this is SELF DETERMINATION. If you do not positively desire to attend the temple, then do NOT do it.

They cannot force you to do anything. You can pack your bags and leave tomorrow.

Tell them you don't want to go and you are not going on a mission. You are obviously planning to disappoint them at some point with your disbelief, or else you wouldn't be posting here.

Why did you wait until 20 to go anyway? You should be returning now, not leaving.

If they cut you off, go to college on your own. I paid my own way through school. You won't be the first 20 year old to make his own way through life.

In the beginning of the endowment, they will tell you that you're about to make covenants and the "violation of which will bring the judgement of God - for God will not be mocked". They will then offer anyone of their own free will and choice to leave. That's your queue - do it then!

Just kidding... I've always wanted to see that though.

It may be good to go just to keep the peace given that your livelihood depends upon it. But what about the mission? I think that you may be delaying breaking the news to them. When you get back from your mission, how will this same situation now be any different? You need to get out on your own now... or fake it long enough to get established.

You have several choices
You seem to be compelled to go along with the system.

In that case:
Go.You are not doing anything legally binding, nor illegal by going to the temple. You can use it as a learning experience. Gives you a lot of insight.
See it as joining a frat, doing rituals without the hazing. :-) (OK, maybe that's going too far! )

Tell your parents that you don't feel ready. You want more time.
Call the bishop? He might step in?

I don't know how you are forced. Sure, you live at home.

But you're old enough to move out and live on your own.

This sounds like family pressure to do what they want to please them.

If you decide not to go on a mission, and remain living at home, you may have to put on your big boy pants, suck it up and take your lumps.

Or maybe there is another solution.

So...what DO you want to do with your life if you don't want to go to the temple and on a mission? That's the more important question. You are giving your parents the power, and until you take it back and chart your own course, they will always call the shots.

It's your life. Take ownership of it NOW, TODAY...you won't regret it.

GQ Cannonball Wrote:
------------------------------------------------------
>
> It's your life. Take ownership of it NOW,
> TODAY...you won't regret it.

I also advocate taking your power back and owning it.
You're 20. Now is as good a time as any. Right?

Monson didnt go on a mission

Go into the service. You want need anything from your parents to survive.

pathfinder Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Go into the service. You want need anything from
> your parents to survive.


I second this suggestion. It can be a good life. Three generations of military service in our family, one in another side, two career military. Our son just retired as a Captain from the Army before he was 50.

You think you're being forced to do things now? Just wait until you're in the service.

Just saying.

Also, I don't think you should join the military just to escape.

Especially as you will be at risk of being killed in a war.

You are not being forced. You are being pressured, coerced. Mormon parents are experts in that so it is almost like being forced. You do not have to go on the mission. That is still your choice.

You are on the cusp of being on your own anyway. Go to the temple. It will give you good stories for the rest of your life. Not quite as good as the Rocky Horror Picture Show, but still, you will get to see some nice wacko cult stuff.

You tell your parents you are not going on a a mission after you have explored all the possibilities you have for being on your own financially. Do not be disingenuous and go on a mission for a church you know is false. That will haunt you later.

When your parents find out you are not going to follow the Mormon dictate you will find out if they really love you or only loved the idea of a good Mormon son. Some loved you anyway, some people's don't. It's a gamble. You better have a job and a place to live.

I was dirt poor at your age. It was tough getting by on my own, but I wouldn't trade it. Scraping by when you are young and single will just toughen you so that you won't be scraping by when your are older. Find a job. Find some roommates. Let real life begin.

+10,000!!!!! You'll NEVER meet your parents expectations if you continue to cave in.

Remind your parents that compulsion was Lucifer's plan.

I want to share with you my own journey.

Like you I felt pressure to go on a mission. This was my tribe, and I felt the pressure. I gave up a 4 year sport scholarship and did the Mormon dance... I said goodbye to my "gentile" friends and went to the LTM to learn Spanish.

I recall going to the SLC temple and listening to President Kimball give a talk on sexual worthiness and how my mission would be a failure if I did not fully repent. What a mind job they do on you. You can't imagine.

---------

Do what you want. The mission experience is not going to be too important in the future when the Church implodes. It is also hard to explain to people that are not part of the culture (job interviews, etc).

Tell them you have prayed about it and it is not what God wants you to do now. (This is true, if you are having second thoughts about it.) If they won't assist you, you can get a loan and go to school, join the military, get a job...

Don't worry about the temple. Worry about how to get out of the mission.

What have you been doing up until now? If you've been working full time, then find some roommates. It's an economical (and at your age) often fun way to live. Check the classified section of your newspaper under "Roommates Wanted," a local college bulletin board at the student center, or Craigslist. If you decide this is a good option, I can give you tips for finding and getting along with roommates.

Other options include attending college plus working, signing up for the military, or investigating AmeriCorps.

What would you rather do as opposed to selling the church for two years?

You know, I'd think of it as an adventure, one that you can now kind of control. You know the temple is a farce, you know that the mission is also nonsense. But what you know now can and will save you later.

The temple ceremony nowadays takes only a couple of hours, and you don't have to do near as many embarrassing things--like standing naked in front of an old man while he daubs you with water and oil and pronounces magical words about making you "clean of the blood and sins of this generation" and all that.

You no longer have to (at least since 1990) promise to have your throat slit, your guts spilled upon the ground, or your heart ripped off for revealing the secrecy of the temple. In fact, it's no longer even secret, just "sacred."

Your parents are probably paying for the mission, right? So there and enjoy the Philippines and see how the other side of the world does things. You can make it enjoyable if you remember to do two things: Gaff off whatever the mission president says, and just smile and nod when you're around him; remember what assholes some of the more senior missionaries (district leaders, senior comps, zone leaders and the like) are and will be, and call them on it. Stand up to them. After all, they masturbate with the rest of them. The are also mamma's boys and zit-faced poopy-heads. Remember that. They are NObodies. YOU are somebody, and don't forget it.

Try not to let the mission office get away with keeping your passport "for safekeeping." It's a ruse to keep you from bolting should you decide you want to go home. It's illegal for someone to make you surrender your passport. It belongs to the government and you are its guardian and steward. Protest. Pitch a fit. Say no. At the very least, make a good copy. Before you go, get a notary or some official to make a certified copy for you. People don't have to recognize a certified copy, but it will probably allow you to get a passport waiver from the embassy or consulate if you DO decide to bolt.

Find some way to have access to money for an emergency ticket. Got an uncle or someone who is out of the church or terribly inactive? Ask them if they'll have your back for you should you need help.

It's likely out of your control just now. But when you return you will be an adult, so be prepared to act like one. ("HELL no, mom! I am not going to BYU!") Never return to the temple, stand up to your bishop and stake president. Remember, They also masturbate with the rest of them. (I can't explain why I'm on this masturbation thing today. No offense.)

Make it an adventure. Holy Shiz, two years pass so quickly. I wish I could convince you of that, knowing full well that I can't.

Best of luck.

c

If Mormonism weren't an OUTRIGHT FRAUD... people wouldn't be Forced into compliance-conformance to it!

You can get the authorities on your side.

Steve Hassan, a licensed mental health professional in MA and a leading expert on cults, lists the Mormon Church on his website as a thought-control organization: https://freedomofmind.com//Info/infoDet.php?id=140 (You can tell the police or govt. agency that helps young people that you've been raised in a cultic religion and need assistance to escape from it.).

You're the captain of the ship of your life. As you move through adulthood, it'll go in whichever direction you set. If you don't want to participate in the Mormon Cult, you'll need to stand up for yourself and refuse to attend LDS meeting and temple ceremonies, go on a mission, etc. You'll need to define (establish/set) what you're willing to tolerate in relation to Mormonism, if anything, and what you won't.

Legally, you're an adult. You're in the driver's seat of your life. You need to stop perceiving yourself as trapped and muster your courage to take action on your behalf. From author Ambrose Redmoon: "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

If your parents refuse to shelter and feed you, you can tell the police, social worker, or govt. agency representative that you've been denied the basic necessities of life as a tactic to try to manipulate you to participate in a cult.

Find a youth shelter in your community (look in your phone book for info.). Talk to a govt. social worker (use the phone book or the Internet to find a phone no.). Alternatively, go to city hall or your local library and request info.

You can find a lot of useful info. online, too (For example: you could Google "Youth shelter" and the name of your community to find one).

If the situation is intolerable for you, pack up your stuff and leave the house. Again, you're in charge of your life. You need to be your rescuer/liberator.

My young adult niece, who was raised in cultic Mormonism in the 1990s and 2000s, left home a few years ago to free herself from the LDS Church's psychological 'tentacles' (a lot of fear, guilt, and shame, for starters).

Useful info. about what cultic Mormonism does to people psychologically is online at http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

Info. about post-Mormon groups in several communities in the U.S. and other countries is at:

http://www.exmormon.org/helpers.htm

Our Community > Post-Mormon Chapters (drop-down menu) at http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewforum/5/#

Post here as often as you want or need to.

Best wishes!

Maybe your parents will understand. They may be disappointed, but they may understand. You are the one to know what is best, but just a idea to consider.

There is a moment toward the beginning where they ask whether you're ready to make all the promises &c. Whether or not you believe what's being said, my own, humble opinion is that you should not make a powerful oath of any kind without meaning it. I feel that it is inconsistent with one's internal morality.
That'd be an ideal point to withdraw, and everybody ought to (no promises) respect your hesitation, since you're specifically given the chance to withdraw by the officiator('s voiceover---a guy just stands at the front while some audio and video intermittently plays; he says nothing).
Whatever you choose, I (heh) *exhort* you to do what feels right to you, and not to do anything out of peer pressure or fear. Good luck.

First, you're not being forced. Pressured, yes. But it's a key difference. If you feel you're out of control of your own life, you *will* be less successful, in almost anything you attempt. So my first recommendation is to view this as a choice that you're in control of.

Second, you have alternatives. Delay the endowment for a few weeks. Go give some plasma (good for $250/month). Go find work, even if it's crummy entry-level fast food work. If you're in Utah County, I can think of at least three entry-level places hiring off the top of my head.

Third, start formulating a long-term plan. College? Vocational school? Trade? If it helps, think of stuff you'd like to have (car, apartment without roommates, etc.) or things you'd like to do (take a cruise, for example). Budget your time and capabilities accordingly.

You don't have to do what your parents want you to. Recognizing that is the first step toward realizing that you are in control.

My idea might be back stabbing but I think it could work. Call the temple today and tell them you want to talk to the temple president or someone high. Tell him that you are not ready to get endowed tomorrow that you are not sure if you believe in the church and that you have found out some very disturbing things about the church that you didn't know prior (mention polyandry, Helen Mar Kimball, Zina Young, gay treatment at BYU, Kinderhook plates and best of all the Book of Abraham were many many scientists have proven that Joseph Smith did not translate from the Egyptian papyri.

If, as a 20 year old, you don't feel it's within your power to call off the mission and call of the trip to the temple, it might just be better to go. At least you will get a trip to a foreign country and a little more independence out of the deal.

I'm normally just a lurker, but I felt I had to add my 2 cents as someone who has been right where you are now.

15 years ago I found myself in the same situation as you do, about to go through the temple and then on to my mission knowing full well that I wanted nothing to do with either of them. But just like you I felt that I had no other choice but to go along with it to keep everyone around me happy. So I did. Sure wish I could have a do-over on that decision.

The endowment is not too big of a deal. You will probably just come out of it realizing why mormons don't talk about it, they don't want people to think they are a cult. But 2 years on a mission knowing you want to be anywhere but there I can only assume would be complete torture -- I wouldn't know myself as I was only able to make it a few months. That time would have been much shorter if it hadn't been such a pain in the ass to get them to let me go home.

I finally realized that I couldn't keep doing what other people wanted me to if I was ever going to be happy. From then on I wasn't going to allow any one else to make a decision about my life for me, because I am the only one who has to deal with the responsibilities and consequences of those decisions.

You are an adult and you are responsible for all the decisions you make. Growing up mormon kind of makes this hard to understand because every thought and action is made for you. Your entire life is pretty much decided for you from the moment you are born. Thats why there is very little room for those that want to do things their own way or even think for themselves.

Nobody can make you do anything you don't want to do, unless you let them. Sure there may be consequences to that and it may be hard, but surely it can't be as hard as the alternative.

Knowing what I know now I would have just put my foot down from the very start. The longer you stay and go through the motions the harder it will be when the time comes that you decide you can't do it anymore.

As I tell my step-daughter all the time:

"If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it." -- Frank Zappa

Faint. Collapse. Scream. Do whatever is necessary to escape. Lastly, shout NO to the promises. Yell it. Run out.

You can also "confess" to being "unworthy". Lie if need be.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2014 04:40PM by rhgc.

Wow...I feel for you kid. I know that helpless feeling. For decades (until I cut them off) I felt the shame from my family for walking off of my mission. I too had food, shelter, clothing, transportation, etc. dangled over my head and living through that was the most scary, nerve wracking time of my life.

It is too bad you let things get this far without some plan of action. It is what it is though. You need to buy yourself some time. If I were you, I would consider the folowing -

Plan A - Go to the temple. There will come a time after your "washing and annointing" where you will be seated and the endowment ceremony will begin. The following will be announced -

"If you proceed and receive your full endowment, you will be required to take upon yourselves sacred obligations, the violation of which will bring upon you the judgment of God; for God will not be mocked. If any of you desire to withdraw rather than accept these obligations of your own free will and choice, you may now make it known by raising your hand."

Raise your hand and get up and walk out. Doing this will require you to grow a huge set of balls. If you had the balls to begin with you wouldn't be going through with all of this stuff. But, if you choose to raise your hand and walk out at this point, I would tell whomever that you are not prepared to take on sacred obligations without knowing what those obligations are beforehand.

Plan B - Go through the temple. Afterwards, when you parents ask you about it, tell them that you did not have a good feeling about it. The next upcoming Sunday ask your Bishop to meet with him. Tell him that you are having second thoughts about the church and going on a mission. Mention that you feel it would be wise to delay going and that you need his help in dealing with your parents while you sort things out. If your Bishop is a good guy, he will meet with your parents and formulate a plan to get you "back on track". This could/should delay the date you are scheduled to leave on your mission, and hopefully buy you some time to prepare for what will occur when you break it to everyone that you are not going after all.

During that time I would be looking for options of where to live (staying with friends/relatives), working, saving money, transportation, school, military, etc. It will be tough.

Or, you can just suck it up and go on your mission. One HUGE piece of advice though - - If you think things will be a bitch by not going through the temple/going on a mission...you DON'T want to try leaving on your mission and coming home early. TRUST ME. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT. It is WAY easier to have never gone than to have left and come home early. I can't stress that enough.

Best of luck to you. Since things have come this far it is going to be rough for you. I don't envy your position.

Confess to having had sex with a prostitute. Now. Tell your parents. They will insist you tell the bishop. He will yank your recommend and your mission call.

Simple.

Promise them that you will repent. Then take three years to repent.

Go through the temple, it's all a lie anyway, you owe them nothing. But DON'T go on that mission!

Come down with a good case of depression,instead. It IS depressing you, right? So, it's NOT a lie. See a good non-Mormon psychologist. Tell him or her everything you are going through and that it makes you feel deeply depressed (which it honestly does).

The church and the family wouldn't dare do anything against a Doctor's diagnosis, there are legal implications. What you and the Doctor say to each other is protected by HEPPA laws.

Your Doctor can protect you from them and they have no choice.

You ARE depressed at the idea of going on a mission - that's a genuine reason for medical intervention!

Do you have a belief in God? If not, then this does not matter, but if you do, then He is not as the cult portrays Him to be. If you do go to the Temple, stay calm and pray for protection. He is bigger than stupid man made rituals. It is best not to go, but if you do, just remember this. everything can be put right. people on here can help you with the concerns you may have after having been through. Take the garments off asap and never wear them again.....hope you do your own washing!

You say you don't believe in it, then consider going as an affirmation and proof as to why you don't believe. Once you see the endowment, it will be imprinted on your mind forever as positive proof of a CULT. Consider doing it for the learning experience, but whatever you do, don't go on a mission. Say you had sex with a girl after yuou go to the endowment.

I hope we hear back from him and get an update!

I am sorry to hear this. I am sorry how much pressure young men experience with the missions. Also, you are definitely not ready to go and still got your recommend. It is a bull crap what the church says "only members who are ready can go". I was super churchy when I was 20 and you wouldn't find anyone being more churchy than me. I didn't get recommend because I wasn¨'t going on a mission or to be married.

Anyway, I assume you live in Utah and if you don't go, your parents will get BS from the ward and everyone will gossip about you and your parents, but it is all worth it!! 2 years is dang long. It is not a vacation or a study abroad. You will not do any good there. Tell your parents why you don't want to go. They need to understand. Good luck to you. DO NOT GO

You were a legal adult at 18. I was married and had a child at your age. Get a pair and shed your parents, do what you want to do.

What is you financial situation?

Are you paying for your own mission? If so, then use that money to pay for your own apartment and look for a job.

Do you have any education? Have your parents been paying? I take it being a good little morgbot is required to keep that education money flowing? There you have problem if you reject the mission (which you should, what a waste of your life).

Do you have skills or experience that will get you a job? What are your plans for employment?

Do the stupid endowments if you have to, it is just a couple hours of boredom and ridiculous behavior. But getting a plane for two years of inane activities, with your life controlled by a cult...you need to find the strength to say NO. Fuc- NO.

Don't worry about the temple it's just a bunch of silliness. You'll probably want to laugh a few times.
Use it to your advantage. After you go tell your parents that it freaked you out. (You won't freak out, again it's just silliness. You'll be bored because in the SL Temple I think they use live (and I use the term loosely) "actors" (an 80 year old Eve...dum dum dum dum dum.
Tell your folks it was just too weird and cultish, and you need to rethink the mission gig.
You're a legal adult.
We should set up safe houses for kids whose parents kick them out.

The interesting part of this is the Olongapo Mission.
Subic Bay Navy Base and the Cubi Point air station are across the river from Olongapo City.
From the first day of Navy boot camp Olongapo stories were legendary for the promise of anything a guy could want (or not want!).Hookers, donkey shows, terrible beer anything you want could be had for a couple bucks. (Uh, erm, somebody told me about the donkey show.)
Anyway it was a real wild town. The federales shot a kid who jacked my watch right in front of me.
If you're looking for some real adventure, I can't imagine Olongapo city has changed all that much.

They cannot force you to do anything. But also, you cannot force them to provide for you.

If you want to control your life, you have to go out on your own. Most parents help their children through this difficult transition, but it shounds like you will have to go it alone.

I say go through the temple for shits and giggles. What's the harm. It's not different than going through a spooky house at a carnival. At least you can say you know what happens there now.

But in the grand scheme of things, none of it's real and makes no different, but at least you'll see the inside goings on the crazy house.

The mission. That's another thing. Maybe try pulling a Klinger and start dressing up as a woman and see how that works out.