Now that's something I never thought I would say. About 6 months ago I had a confession meeting with my bishop. Because of my lack of guilt and other complicated and confusing feelings since the meeting I am now seriously considering leaving the Church. I have turned to this forum to look for support and ExMormons who would be willing to talk with me about this. Are there any support groups in Utah County, Utah. Or any one with personal experience that would be willing to talk to me?

Thank You!

Kate

Hi Kate.

What is your situation? Do you have family members who would be really upset by such a choice? Or are you free to leave and live your own genuine life?

Do you simply feel that the Church may not be for you, or do you have issues with the doctrine itself?

I only ask because the answer to those questions may change your strategy for leaving.

Hi Greyfort.

I come from a strong LDS family and leaving would completely change my relationship with them. It would be a very difficult and life changing decision. I have issues with the doctrine (The Book of Abraham, polygamy, The word of wisdom. The founding of the church in general) as well as personal situations that have caused my once strong testimony waiver. basically I am coming to the realization that everything I once believed. Everything I once was may have been built on lies. Its devastating...

I would encourage you to go to postmormon.org and you can find some very nice people to talk to right away
http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/chapters/ch_home/268

Also, plan to go to the Ex-Mormon Foundation Conference in October- you will find lots of nice people to get some support and ideas. It's a difficult journey you have stepped into but I'm afraid there's no turning back for you now.
http://exmormonfoundation.org/conference2014.html

Thank you for the resources Mootman. I will check them out.

pretty much 24/7. People here understand and will help you in any way we can :)

Thank you :) it seems odd to me that there is such a huge online community for people struggling with Mormonism. What I have read in the past few days it totally foreign and confusing. I never knew there were so many KIND and GOOD people willing to give honest advise, opinions and facts! I don't mean for this to be offensive but right now, posting here and seeking these answers I feel a little dirty, bad and...evil? Like I am trying to deface, defile and take the spirituality out of Gods church and out of Prophets. But every logical thinking part of me says that that is not true and that its the only natural and common sense thing to do. (then again. I've always been taught "the natural man is an enemy to God." so am I giving in to my "Natural Man"?...wow so confusing.)

Don't be afraid to investigate. You are doing nothing wrong. Even J. Reuben Clark, a former apostle, said "If we have the truth, it cannot be harmed by investigation." Good luck :-D

Thank you, that quote helped. I just need to keep a clear head and an opened mind. "The truth will set you free" and "knowledge is power." it just feels wrong because I have all this new information and I am afraid to talk to others about it. And...im afraid I'll get the answers im looking for. Be careful what you ask for cause you just might get it...

Welcome, Kate. Take your time, and don't feel like you need to come to any conclusions or make any decisions right away. There are plenty of people on this board who still attend church for various reasons. Keep reading and know that you are among friends.

This is normal. I've only been out for 5 months now and I knew it wasn't true about 4 months leading up until that point (I was very devout my whole life). I could hardly type "exmormon" without looking over my shoulder and fearing lightning or some punishment like that. My wife agreed to leave the church with me, but I still cleared out my browser history to avoid a TBM friend finding me out. Anyway, the deprogramming eventually kicks in and you start seeing much more clearly over time and stop fearing the punishments you've been told.

And yes, exmormons aren't evil angry apostates. Yet another characterization to instill fear of leaving.

I wish you the very best in your journey. Living an authentic life is very liberating.

Thank you for the response! That's exactly what I've been doing all night! Fearing the wrath of God and making sure no one can see my screen! "angry evil apostates" yes...that's exactly what I was foolishy led to believe that people who left were

Thank you all so much for the responses and kind words! They really have helped. One thing posted a couple of times is "once you have learned it you can't unlearn it" I am both greatfull for that and terrified by it. Part of me wanted all this craziness to be true. Part me was desperately hoping it wasn't. I'm not sure where i stand now. And thank you for the book recommendation Dagny I will look into it and I am already starting to see how the teachings have twisted the way I look at some things. I am exited to get a fresh, clean and unbiased perspective! Your comparison to joining another Church Sassypants makes total sense and I will keep that in mind. Once again thank you so much for the quick and sincere responses! They all make sense and have encouraged me to keep on reading and searching for whatever makes me feel okay.

There are several other ex-Mormon internet forums that are also very helpful. There's always someone to talk to! Good luck on your journey.

There are a lot of folks in Utah County just like you. You're not alone in this.

I've lived in Utah County now for a while (didn't grow up here, though), and we know plenty of people around that've left the church. I don't know what your status is or where you're located, but feel free to ask if you need a helping hand out here.

kate45, there are thousands of us who have grown out of Mormonism. There is no right way to deal with your family or leave.

Take your time and read, read, read. You will be amazed how much they didn't tell you and how the church impacted your thinking and world views.

Once you learn, you can't unlearn it. You will likely just outgrow the religion and all the petty little rules and goofy teachings.

For starters, pick up No Man Knows My History by Brodie.

It's quite a journey. You have to find your path.

You will find all kinds of exmormons. Feel free to vent or ask anything here. You will get all sorts of views here. Some will open your eyes. Some views will give you great comfort to know you are not alone. Some views will irritate you. That's what makes this place so valuable. After being Mormons, a lot of people here are really good at calling BS when they see it. This place can be hard core.

The church tends to villainize people who leave. The truth is, most leave because they simply don't believe and they studied their way out.

Good luck as you question. It's a major life change to snap out of it. It's worth it in the end to be free of that kind of mind control and own your own life.

Yes, lots of support here. If you have family members or friends that complicate the situation with you and the church, I recommend the New Order Mormon forum, as well. It's specifically for support of those of us who have to exist within a Mormon world after realizing it's a load of you-know-what.

Welcome Kate!

I know you're going through a lot of mixed feelings at the moment, but know you're not alone. It's not a simple process, leaving the church.

This might help clear your head a bit. Let's say you were investigating the JW church. What is the first thing your family would say? I bet they'd want you to investigate more than the JW approved material right? They'd want you to have a balanced understanding of the history and doctrine. In researching the Mormon church, you are applying the same principle. It is hypocritical to ask you to ignore facts about your own church but thoroughly investigate and critique other churches.

I hope that helps.

And again, welcome. :-).

Well it sounds like you've definitely discovered the fraud and from that point, there's usually no going back because you can't unlearn what you've learned.

I hope that you can find a good way to break it to your family. I was lucky in that I was the only Mormon in my family. But there are so many people here who have Mormon families and they could totally relate.

I wish you the best in your journey. Stick around and welcome to the forum.

There is an ex mormon meet up on sunday mornings, at the Harmons just off the bangader exit. 10 am if your interested.

You've taken the red pill, and there is no going back. I can't believe its been almost three years ago since I went through pretty much the same thing you are now. I've come to realize how much the church messes with our heads. The best advice is to take things slow. I have only recently become fully inactive. Don't push what you've learned on your believing friends and family. It just makes them dig in their heels. One of the most empowering things is coming to the realization that the church holds no authority over you. That athority is pretend, and always has been. If you're bishop wants to keep meeting with you, you can say no. Part of coming out of the church is being strong enough to let go of what others are going to think about you. Trying to explain yourself to them doesn't usually work out. One guy on here literally had his dad and brothers try to exorcize the devil out of him. People will think you have some hidden sins. You need to be strong enough to understand that the dynamics of your relationships with believers is going to change. I used to do everthing with my mom and sisters. I still can't get used to how it has changed this. It's deeply upsetting. But you need to be true to your own personal integrity. For me that meant I had to stop going to church. It became unbearable. But there is a wonderful side too. The mental release is amazing. Everything has become much more authentic for me. Figuring out your own head and what YOU think and what YOU believe in, is amazing. I've really been riding a huge mental high, despite all the crap that has resulted from losing my faith. I think it's mostly from doing what I truly feel is right, and letting the consequences follow. Good luck. Remember take it slow.



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I have definitely found that knowledge is power. The more you study, the more sure you come to know that the Church is simply not what they claim to be.

The more you study, the less you fear and the more confident you become in your own position, which definitely helps in dealing with family members.

Hi Kate,

Welcome to brighter eyes and confusing times.

You may want to contact some of the mainstream churches in your area. Many transitioning LDS in Utah land at their doorsteps, and many of them have formed support groups. And they're generally very sensitive about applying any pressure to join their ranks. I landed in a group of exmos sponsored by a religious group when I first left, and it was a real life saver.

...feel guilty (and shameful and fearful). You might be interested in online info. about how Mormonism affects people psychologically: http://members.shaw.ca/blair_watson/

Additional info. about former church members is at http://www.exmormon.org/helpers.htm

Cheers!

you are not alone. we've all been down road before one way or another. it's difficult now. i understand. in a few weeks maybe months for some people, everything gets easier.

don't be afraid. anything you need, post here and we can help you.

you are not alone. we are legion.

I also didn't feel the guilt they wanted me to feel after confiding to some church leaders some things I'd done. I also found out there was no confidentiality.

I was told repeatedly that I needed to feel awful for what I'd done, but there was no way that I could do that. It just wasn't there.

That popped the bubble, it seems. I spent the next few months digesting everything I could find about the church, only giving weight to those things that had church backed historical support. I told my family, who got over it eventually.

At the end of those months I resigned from the church, and felt peaceful and liberated, with a clear mind, after doing so.

It is definitely the right decision, and I fear that for you there's probably no going back. There is a danger of going back if you don't accept that feelings do not weigh more than facts in the discerning of truth.

I love this sort of thread, it's one of the main reason RfM exists. Welcome to the board, you'll find a lot of useful and friendly people here

I'm convinced that what you're feeling and thinking indicates you have the inner strength to see this through. Thousands of us have been through the journey you're facing. It's exciting and freeing but can feel risky. It's wonderful out here in the real world where there aren't intrusive meaningless rules and expectations. Most of us feel we're more honest and are much kinder than we were when the church ran our lives.

Family relationships are a big concern and it takes courage and a steady hand to navigate the reactions and changing expectations. Many exmos try mightily to make loved ones understand and it often doesn't work. I suggest you keep your own counsel and come to terms with all of this in your own way. Don't expect believing Mormons to help you leave or understand your process.

You're very brave. Congratulations on coming this far. Take your time and remember you're not alone.

Other than being fake/false/made up/etc - once you stop attending and the mist of darkness/brain washing/etc leaves you will realize the LDS meetings are the most boring waste of your time. You will learn that for you the ideal of sitting thru Mormon dribble is worse than going to hell. In fact the concept of spending eternity being obedient is far worse than any concept of hell.

Repentance - Bishops have no authority from any god to forgive you. They have zero training on giving advice. They also say read more from the Book of Mormon, pray, pay tithing to heal you from your guilt. Plus they tell everyone in PEC what happened to you.

Authority - Joseph Smith stuck his head in a hat to read words on a Rock in the hat to make the BOM. He did not read any gold plates. Reading gold plates is a lie. Joseph Smith used magic or witchcraft or conning to start the religion. It is all. Asked on lies and fooling people.

I think in life we naturally go and grow and live as we may to choose what we want and need to do what we want to grow our personal spiritual garden.

Thing about Mormonism is it does exactly the opposite of what it says it is and does & BELIEVES. You can't put your trust in that. Welcoming? NO! Cool? Hell know. FUN? Nope! Right, honest, true or whatever it uses to segregate and separate itself in mannerisms, practices and closeness with God. You get no closer to God in TSCC/ tCoJCoLDS/ TMC/ Mormonism/ LDS churches than anywhere else I've been or we can imagine. How about you?

There is nothing spiritual about it. It was made up on earth and it will stay on earth. We all can and will do many other great things. We are alive!


M@t

I'm not too far ahead of you in all of this. Last year it was like my eyes opened. I, too, had similar issues. Though, I only knew about polygamy as it's taught in church. And my whole life that felt evil and wrong, and no matter how many times I prayed about it, I only felt it was more wrong. Of course, I never considered it might actually BE WRONG. I just thought I wasn't as faithful as I needed to be. Long story short, after talking to a friend, reading some stuff, I came to the conclusion that polygamy wasn't doctrine. Prayed about it and finally felt at peace with that, and it started a downhill spiral of the church falling apart.

If you haven't already, check out the CES Letter (www.cesletter.com). That has such great references and information in it. It really opened my eyes up to things. I knew my mind would struggle with accepting it all, but it didn't make it any less true.

So, I started looking at things from the perspective of a non-member. I looked at things as someone who had never been taught all the things I had been taught (the things to frighten me away from researching, such as losing my eternal salvation and the fear that I was being deceived by the devil). If I took the facts, would I have ever joined this church? Would I really be able to find truth in it? (Yes, I could to the made up version of the church that the church teaches...but what about the ACTUAL facts?)

I looked at it FACTUALLY and not emotionally. It was quite the struggle for a while, but the whole picture is finally so much more clear (we officially made the decision we were done with the church in February, luckily my husband along with me). Life makes more sense. I have less answers to some things now (where did i come from? what happens when we die?), but I feel like I have more answers NOW that actually make sense. I can accept me and truly explore and grow and devleop, whereas before, I felt much more timid and like I had to stay in a little tiny box.

Anyway, I hope things go well for you. I have felt the same feelings as you! For a while I struggled with feeling like I was doing something evil and wrong, but we should be able to get our information from outside sources (even though most are truly inside sources that the church simply hides). We don't live in North Korea. But now I view the way the church tries to control information much more like that than a church of God would.



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