I have to share this because it has bothered me for a little while now.

My best friend since elementary school grade got married recently (She is a TBM). For her bridal shower she asked me to make her centerpiece. She wanted a cake that required a fondant covering. I told her I could try and figured someone would be paying for it. Now, I know I should have made this clear up front, but I didn't.

I had never made a cake with fondant so I started learning how to make fondant and how to put fondant on a cake. I had to try three times before I got the final product completed. It turns out no one was even going to offer to pay for it. So it came out of my pocket. So, I chalked it up to that would be my wedding present to her.

A little over a week before her wedding I was at her house and just before I left she stopped me to tell me she had accidently bought an extra bridesmaid skirt and asked if I wanted to be a bridesmaid. I was hurt that I was just an afterthought and was never even considered to be a bridesmaid until they realized they had an extra skirt, but I accepted and took the skirt home.

Her wedding day came and I stood outside the temple and waited for her to come out with the crowd of other people that were there. They didn't take bridesmaids pictures there because it was hot and they had already decided to take them at the church building just before the reception that night.

Well, I was never invited. She didn't tell me they were taking bridesmaids pictures an hour before the reception. So, I am not in any of her pictures. I thought her best friend of 10+ years would at least get a picture with her.

Well, to conclude the story we sort of had a falling out a couple months later (not over this incident). The friendship was sort of broken off when I told her I don't believe in the Mormon church and all their false doctrine. Thanks for reading. It felt good to write it out and let it go.

I think the minute your friend asked you to provide a cake with fondant icing I would have put her in the "bridezilla" category. It was really nice of you to learn how to make the icing and to provide the cake. You saved her a lot of money.

I agree with you that she treated you like an afterthought at her wedding. I'm sorry that you lost your friend. It does happen, unfortunately. Sometimes friends end up going their separate ways.

You saved her about $10.00. I just made two cakes for my son's birthday - one for his friends and one for our family dinner Sunday night. A box cake mix is about $2.00 and marshmallow fondant costs about the same - another $2.00 per cake. I wouldn't expect to be reimbursed for that, although it would probably be her bridesmaid gift if it were for a large group of people and I'd had to make bigger cakes. I sympathize about what a pain it is to roll out and get on the cake properly - I took me a number of tries to get right myself. It's a real pill to work with. But it isn't expensive, even when you are making it for a couple dozen guests.

That being said, her treatment of you as a bridesmaid would be a deal breaker for me. There is no excuse for inviting you like you were an afterthought then not including you to the point of snubbing you at the reception. She sounds as insensitive as a brick wall. I know she was your friend for many years but my guess is, the reason the friendship lasted is because YOU are nice and YOU are understanding and easy going. She sounds totally self-absorbed and it's going to get worse as she has babies to brag about and a husband who, like most Mormon men, doesn't understand her. You are better off without her although breakups are never easy. I predict the day will come where you wonder why you ever bothered to be friends with someone like her. Possibly she'll get a clue and learn to be nicer, then you can re-assess the situation. But till then, remember the world is full of people and a lot of them make better friends than the one you left behind.

Everything was almond flavored. So it was all made from scratch. I spent way more than $10. Plus, I didn't write this down, but I also made several dozen cupcakes to match the cake it was all part of the table centerpiece.

To top it all off I am pretty sure only one cupcake got eaten at the bridal shower and they didn't cut into the cake. I wasted my time and money.

Oh I HATE that - I can't count the number of times when we were struggling, young, married, college students and my in-laws would ask us to some family party or other and ask us to bring a specific dish. THEN they'd forget they asked us and assign the same thing to someone else. So we'd spend money we didn't have on a potluck dish that no one ever took more than a bite or two of. Sounds like your friend was really taking advantage of you.

But if you ever decide to make fondant again, try marshmallow fondant. It's cheaper and easier - but it's also stickier. Once I learned the marshmallow kind, I never went back. Tastes a ton better too. You can google a recipe - they are all about the same.

I do still make cakes for family birthdays and occasionally use fondant. I will remember to try marshmallow fondant next time. I always like easier and quicker when making a cake.

The rude friend saved much more than $10! A small, modest, bakery cake with fondant could easily cost $100. And bakery cupcakes are typically $2.50 and up a piece - three dozen would have cost at least another $90. Plus, fondant icing is difficult to work with and takes a lot of practice to make it look good.

Hopefully, she didn't expect you to pay for your own bridesmaid dress....most TBM brides expect bridesmaids to pay for their dresses.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2014 07:39PM by lovetta.

I didn't pay for the leftover skirt she gave me. Her mom bought all the bridesmaids skirts which were only $10, but I had to pay for the shirt and accesories to wear with it (about $30). Which again, was a waste of money because I am not in the pictures.

It's just not the direct cost of the ingredients, TBMs think your time is not worth anything. You are expected to work for free! grrrr..



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2014 07:44PM by lovetta.

lovetta Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's just not the direct cost of the ingredients,
> TBMs think your time is not worth anything. You
> are expected to work for free! grrrr..

This mentality seems to be derived from TSCC's low regard and exploitation of its members and the concept/practice of "callings." If you have a usable skill and some time, then the church (and in this case, a bridezilla) feel entitled to exploit that. And if you don't have the skill and time--well, get them!

Your experience demonstrates something that we often overlook in our ex-cult gripes and grievances. Rude, abusive, dysfunctional people are found throughout the world. But cultic indoctrination really sharpens the cutting edge of such people, and the wounds go a lot deeper.

http://www.idocakes.biz/weddingprices

Fondant: starting at $3.75 per guest plus $50 delivery charge.

Average price per cake: $545

Cake baking is a lot more than the ingredients. It's the time and talent of the baker.

Clearly your cake was not worth $500, but she would have had to pay hundreds for it to be professionally done.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/17/2014 07:49PM by axeldc.

Personally, I don't think cake mix from a box is suitable for a wedding.

This person is not worthy of your friendship. If she ever was, she certainly isn't any more.

I wouldn't be surprised, though, if you hear from her when she throws herself her own baby shower -- she sounds tacky enough to do just that. Do NOT go and don't make her a damned cake.

My hope for you is that you find new and better friends who value you and help you celebrate your many talents!

amyslittlesister Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I wouldn't be surprised, though, if you hear from
> her when she throws herself her own baby shower --
> she sounds tacky enough to do just that. Do NOT go
> and don't make her a damned cake.

Ordinarily, I don't recommend retaliation. But if amyslittlesister's expectation occurs, then

1) get a very cheap pancake from Costco or someplace. Extra points if it's obviously from the day-old discount rack, especially if she specified something exotic. Or,

2) get a very cheap, obviously well used present from a thrift store. Enclose the receipt "in case you want to exchange it." If it's a boy, send pink; if it's a girl, send blue.

3) Don't RSVP. Don't attend; rather, have a 3rd party drop off the present.

(For this post, I feel I should have logged on as "EvilGenius," or something.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2014 12:18PM by caffiend.

I was thinking the exact same things regarding a future baby shower!

OP, I'm sorry your former friend was so insensitive. In the past, I've baked custom cakes from scratch for friends' parties. I know how much time and effort goes into it. That was a very shabby way to treat you and your creation.

Sadly, the baby-shower invitation is a given. For some people, the only time you hear from them is at a gift-giving opportunity.

This "friend" was definitely inconsiderate and behaved badly. Experiences much like these have helped me learn how to manage myself to avoid such things.

I cannot tell from your story if she even realized what is involved in fondant. Most people I grew up with in Utah and Idaho would have no idea what fondant was or how difficult and expensive it could be.

More than once, I have volunteered or agreed to things because I like to help and please people, and take satisfaction in contributing and doing things. I have had to learn my own limits and when to say no. "I have never worked with fondant and it is too costly to for me to learn this skill right now, so I'm sorry, I cannot make that centerpiece" would have been a perfectly fine thing to say.

The bridesmaid fiasco, on the other hand, was just terrible behavior on her part. Call her out or cut her off, but do not feel bad about about yourself. She is not treating you with respect or consideration.

RUDE RUDE RUDE! You are well rid of her. Someone that would treat you like that would treat you like that again and again and again. Don't EVER feel bad about yourself for not letting someone treat you like a doormat or an after thought.

Amen to this!

Oy. I've been a maid-of-honour twice and I can say that sometimes there is no more interesting creature than a bride. LOL

For one, I took photos, I went to help pick out the cake, the place of reception, I helped make the bridal gown and all of the bridesmaids dresses. I helped put together the music for the reception. I hosted the bridal shower. My parents said, "Why did they forget to thank you?" I was barely speaking to my friend by the end of it.

Same with my other friend. I did all of that stuff and my parents asked the same thing. "How come they thanked everyone, but you?"

I'm sorry you went through that crap though. It definitely makes you see your friend in a new light.l

My sister said the same thing after she was a maid-of-honour twice too. She was ready to slap one of her friends by the end of the day. I said, "Believe me, I understand completely."

I guess some brides just want their day to be so perfect that they turn into some unrecognizable being. By the end of the day, much of their family and friends are barely speaking to them.

Perhaps nerves play a part in it. I'm not sure.

But that's pretty darn tacky to not pay you for the cake.

passive aggressive behaviour

Apparently you made a Marzipan cake and cupcakes,they are delicious.

I buy them from a Danish bakery near here.

Your "friend" is a pig for not appreciating your time and effort.

There are some "friends" that should be let go. She's one of them. Delete her name from your friends list and move on. She told you who she really is. Believe her.

The original poster is not the first to have been taken advantage of. I had seen many brides expect other talented members to make their dreams come true without fair compensation or treatment.
I am a trained floral designer and I can sew. I have been asked many times to provide the services for free. One day I was asked if I would help with the flowers for a very large wedding party and bridal shower. This was going to be a lot of time out of my day,not to mention trips to the flower market, planning, storage and delivery. I asked the bride and her mother what their budget was and they looked at me as if I group two green heads. It was clear to me that they expected me to give this as a gift when they were not even close friends or family! They expected me to get hundreds of dollars of my resources and hours and hours of my time just to bless them? Discount? Yes. Free, No!

I was uninvited from all the activities after that.

R MM

That poor man.

This is one reason I detest the whole wedding tradition.

Had it happen to me too. I was a bridesmaid and the bride turned into bridezilla. I went with her to pick all the dresses, helped her pick flowers, etc. I went to all three bridal showers - even hosted one entirely by myself to which she invited people who were not invited to the wedding. (tacky) I paid a small fortune for a bachelorette party that she told me I was going to throw her (not asked me to). I assured her that I would wear the hideous bridesmaid dress again.

She informed us the night of the rehearsal dinner that we were supposed to decorate the car the next day. But got mad at us when we were decorating the car and missed "the bridal party song." We took out a lot of frustration on that car. :)

There was 2 hours between the ceremony and the reception so I went home to drop off some stuff. She got pissed I wasn't there early for photos at the reception hall (even though we had taken 50 million before and after the ceremony), yet she never told me to.

She decided she wanted to have confetti at the wedding and asked me to punch out millions of pieces in her specific colors. I asked why she didn't buy any and she said she could only find metallic and was afraid it would get in her eyes. I refused. I bought her a bag of confetti at a yard sale.

After months and months of helping her make favors, shop for dresses, etc, her maid of honor finally flew in from out of town for the big event. She gives us our gifts. The bridesmaids, who had done all the work since we lived nearby, got cheap crappy gifts and the maid of honor, who flew in the day before the wedding and didn't do crap to help got an expensive gift. It wasn't the gifts, but the fact that we had worked so hard and she valued it so little.

On top of it all, I got lots of comments like "I'm sure you'll find someone soon." You know, passive aggressive stuff reminding me that she's lucky enough to get married and I'm the poor single girl. Plus she posed for the video camera during the whole ceremony.

You know the bride is a witch when the whole wedding party is going tequila shots together to celebrate the fact that the whole event is almost over :)

Needless to say, we are not friends anymore. And I made a vow not to act the same way when I got married. And I stuck to it.

Let's hope the bride matures and gains some social skills before she decides to be a mother and train her kiddies to be greedy and self absorbed.

Your post saddens me. I have been lurking and looking and reading for a few months and decided to sign up and on.

The cost of the cake and even your time does not compare to the cost of emotional hurt she caused you.

Someone else chose to be selfish and take advantage of you.
This was hopefully just a sin of omission on her part.

Yes, you count as something.
I have no words of advice like the others on here.
But you do count as something...somebody.

etiquettehell.com

Classic tale of a Greedy-Give-Me Pig with no gratitude, grace, or class.

You say she's your best friend? With a friend like that you need no enemies.

Drop her, block her, ignore her, whatever you have to do. Don't be a victim of her thoughtless behaviour and expectations.

I charged $150 for the wedding cake I just did and that did not even cover my time at minimum wage. So, yeah you weren't just out $10. I am sorry for how you were treated. That's crap. She doesn't deserve you. Give the relationship a break and if she can grow up then okay..highly doubtful.

You are anon and you sound annoyed and pleased to have been able to vent.

Great word for the future.

No.

A position as to why

I prefer not to.

...but,

I stand by my "no"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2014 02:34AM by gentlestrength.