I know I don't post much, but I do get on here and read posts now and then.

I have resigned and so has my son. My wife is not attending church as is my daughter.

What is killing me slowley is my inlaws hate me. They are not only TBM but highly fundemental. IN their eyes, I am headed for hell and dragging their daughter and grand children along. They live about a mile away and over the last half a year, they have been soiling my name to neighbors, friends, family, etc. I try to keep in contact but fewer and fewer will have anything to do with me. I have High Funtioning Autism (aka, Aspergers) and my imagination is running riot with what might be said about me. With this disability (which my inlaws refers to as a buzz word, not a real disability), it takes everything I have to cope with day to day, work, family, etc. I suck at social games and the NOT knowing is even harder to cope with. I almost consider this to be abuse.

On my side of the family, I fear the same thing is happening there too. I have some mebers who have stopped interacting with me and when there is interaction, it results in blow ups. My face book is hell for me. I think I might discontinue it. My folks don't know I resigned. They think I am just playing a black sheep, something I have done off and on for decades. My sisters (I have no brothers), accept their black sheep family member and joke about it. Yesterday, I opened up to my closest sister who is very TBM, and told her I resigned. She seemed fine at first, then went on a bit of a speech how this is not problem and it is easy for me to come back, baptism and a single blessing to restore all 'benifit'. I told her I was not interested. She seemd fine but very cool. Not sure where I stand. I asked her not to tell others. Her husband teaches at BYU and is very open minded, though highly TBM. She said he would understand. I assked if she was sure. I trust no one.

I am terrified to facing a comoltely soiled name, shunning and the thought that my inlaws might do anything to destroy my marrage, rumors, etc. My father in law is so fundimental, he still believes in things like blood oaths. I am wondering about a bullet that might find me. This is how Aspergers works. My mind is running riot. I have a hard time sleeping, terrified for my life and or loss of family, soiled name in the area. If it wasn't for my job being so good and such jobs very hard to find, I would leave for another state.

If they suceed in ruining my life, I worry I might just leave life.......the suicide of Robin Williams have really shaken me up.

Thx for your ear. Sorry for all the typos



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2014 06:46AM by dcgsage.

Hang in there, hold your head up high, and live your life fully and morally.

I have some idea of what you're going through, however you can't focus on what other people think or say about you. Keep telling yourself that living your life as well as you can will be what the people who matter to you will see. They will come to see the lies told about you by others for the lies they are. You can't control what others say, but you can control your own behaviour, so focus on doing what you know is right.

Remember, hang in there, and keep coming here for support.

Leaving is such a highly emotional experience that can affect every single aspect of your life and leave your reeling at times. There is not a person in this world who cannot benefit from some sort of counseling. When we allow all of this to mix around in our brains everyone feels crazy. Please continue posting here, but also find a real, live, professional person to help sort out your feelings with, simply talking it through may do wonders. You are not alone and writing, talking, sorting is a process we have all gone through. It continues to get better day by day--not only will you come out alive and sane--you will come out happy, empowered and more knowledgeable. One of the biggest things we have lost as Mormons is "boundaries." There are several books about this which will help you to begin to establish them in your life and with your inlaws. Begin to take control, one baby step at a time. Hang in there--this is called a recovery board for a reason--we all need it and it is possible.

You might want to consider counseling to give you the tools to deal with these people. Let your wife deal with her side of the family. You take on yours. A counselor or family physician could also address your anxiety issues.

I would make a list of things that you are or are not willing to discuss with your family. Things that you might be willing to discuss might include callings, other people going on missions, church suppers, temple trips, etc. Things that you might not be willing to discuss may include personal beliefs, your religious choices, the veracity of the Mormon church, etc.

Come up with some stock phrases that you can use with family members. Such phrases might include "It's not for me," "I changed my mind," "I'm not religious," "I'm glad that it works for you, but it doesn't work for me," or "We'll have to agree to disagree about that." I would advise you not to fight them about the church. If someone wants to engage in an argument, use a stock phrase and then either change the subject or walk away.

In as far as you are able, take a live-and-let-live attitude. Let other people live their lives as they wish. You have nothing to prove. Try not to worry about things that are beyond your control. The people who know you best will not listen to malicious gossip about you. They will form their own opinions.

If a family member puts a religious post on FB, hide the post. If they do it daily, unfollow the family member. If someone posts or responds inappropriately on your wall, delete the post or response. My advice to you is to not engage in religious debate or argument on FB. Keep it light and friendly.

Good luck to you and keep posting.

yeah, they're all being abusive to you. Sorry, we Aspies tend to attract abuse from all sides. They are being vile and purposely destructive. They lack all love. They are very sick.

Love them anyway.

Yeah, Aspergers is a B!tch ...

But, you Have your own Household to Consider ...

Live for them, and to H3LL with Anyone Else, you Know?

I grew up in a non-Morg abusive home. The signs: total coercion and insistence on doing EXACTLY what my parents demanded, absolutely no freedom of self-expression, frequent threats of disowning me, going apeshit over little things like forgetting to take the trash out, extreme concern that I might wear the wrong clothes (like blue jeans to school), constant criticisms of my eating and bodily function habits, and the list goes on...

My point, from what you described, is that you have been raised by abusive/controlling parents. Yes, it's difficult to recognize abuse when it's come from family, but it's still abuse.

For your own sanity, please find a counselor familiar with family systems therapy. What you'll ultimately learn is that you have a right to be who you are, and who you are is undoubtly a fine individual. It's taken me many years to forgive my parents and learn to like myself. And I hope that you'll be able to speed up your own recovery.

I'm very worried about your Robin Williams comment. Please find help and don't lose hope!

Nobody gets out alive. We all are going to die.

Just remember that your inlaws represent such a small sub set of the world that everybody else thinks is nuts. You are the normal one, so hold your head up high and own it.

It sounds like your wife and children feel the same way you do about the church, so just concentrate on doing fun enjoyable activities with your wife and kids and form an even tighter bond with them.

I know that you have likely heard this before, but I will repeat the same thing I always tell my sister, control what you can, which is your tight bonds with your wife and kids and the good job you do at work. What you can't control doesn't matter and the chips will fall where they may.

Only other thing to remember when it comes to your father in law, unless you think he will be prepared to spend the rest of his life on death row for premeditated murder, you have nothing to worry about.

I too have been really shaken by Robin William's death. I understand that you mention this.

http://www.sunnyskyz.com/happy-videos/1033/The-Most-Beautiful-Tribute-To-Robin-Williams-And-It-s-Just-A-Minute-Long#DQJM2juTDqCY1vKD.01


I hope this link brings you comfort.

You are not alone, there are many people who stand alongside you.

dcgsage Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I know I don't post much, but I do get on here and
> read posts now and then.
>
> I have resigned and so has my son. My wife is not
> attending church as is my daughter.
>
> What is killing me slowley is my inlaws hate me.
> They are not only TBM but highly fundemental. IN
> their eyes, I am headed for hell and dragging
> their daughter and grand children along. They
> live about a mile away and over the last half a
> year, they have been soiling my name to neighbors,
> friends, family, etc. I try to keep in contact
> but fewer and fewer will have anything to do with
> me. . . .

> On my side of the family, I fear the same thing is
> happening there too. I have some members who have
> stopped interacting with me and when there is
> interaction, it results in blow ups. My face book
> is hell for me. I think I might discontinue it. . .

Gee, and people wonder why former Mormons become "bitter." It
can only be because the wonderful light of the Gospel has left
their lives. It couldn't have ANYTHING to do with their family
and friends suddenly turning on them and began treating them
like dirt, can it??

>
> Thx for your ear. Sorry for all the typos

Internet Spelling Rule: If we can guess what you meant, then
you spelled it just fine.