QUESTION: "When the gods are having intercourse with their "celestial wives" do you think they enjoy it physically? Do these so-called gods celestially climax?"

In reference to Elohim of Kolob's celestial climax, I believe the approved and correlated term from the officials at Mormon Inc.'s corporate headquarters is "Elogasm." This information naturally leads us to question, "Which 'came' first, Elohim or the Chicken?" In order to better understand this question, we must turn to the teachings and claims of Mormon Inc. for further clarification.

Our tale begins over six thousand years ago, with the Mormon claim that human beings originated with two-extraterrestrials from the environs of a super-star known as Kolob; which incidentally is supposedly located at the center of the Milky Way Galaxy. These two naked and nubile human shaped extra-terrestrials, (replete with fully functioning primate genitalia, blind-spots in their eyes, and the organic evolutionary vestigial leftovers known as tailbones and appendixes), came down to our earth, which they had created like a giant, planet sized cake by using the parts and pieces of other earths (including planets with dinosaurs) which had been destroyed because they were evil, or half-assed, or full of Democrats or their cosmic equivalents, or those other planets which simply didn't receive their "celestial" glory known as exaltation. Adam acting as Michael, his pre-mortal, deity-self, had co-created the earth with the deities Jehovah and Elohim, known to Mormons as Grandpa God and Great Grandpa God respectively. Or if you prefer, according to Heber C. Kimball the earth was created from its "parent earths" via an "earthgasm" which pairs well with Elohim's Elogasm, but I digress.

In addition, these resurrected homosapien primate shaped deities created our earth in the environs of the magical super star Kolob at the galactic center, which is the source of light for our very sun via the reflected light which originates from the very skin of Elohim's corporeal, resurrected homosapien primate shaped body, which glows with light or "Elohim Photons" or "E-Tons" as they were possibly known in the language of old Deseret. All light in the galaxy emanates from the physical resurrected homosapien primate god-body of Elohim or 'El', as the Mormon god is known to his other god friends and his tens of millions of wives. These same wives, also have physical resurrected homosapien primate shaped bodies, which one can assume are also self-illuminating. These passionate polygamous playmates are celestially inseminated via Elohim's resurrected homosapien primate god-pen!s to create spirit babies to populate his many peopled planets throughout the galaxy. If one could voyeuristically witness these celestial comings and goings, it would be akin to seeing some sort of self-glowing, homosapien primate shaped hummingbird-esque deity, flying from flower to flower, probing his pen!le proboscis with precision for the production of his prodigious progeny.

On this earth, the two naked extra-terrestrials came to live in a magical garden known as the Garden of Eden, where everything was swell. The air was swell, the food was swell, and Eve was naked, so that was swell too. Suddenly, a walking, talking snake that had been hiding in the elderberry bushes, entered this staid scene at creation's dawn and entreated the new nudists to eat the fruit from a magical yet deity forbidden fruit tree. Apparently once the magically charmed fruit had been consumed, the newly created earth fell through space from the environs of Kolob at the galactic center, eventually making its way to our present solar system. And as the earth was making it's cosmic journey through space, suddenly Adam and Eve magically understood right from wrong, good from evil and naked from clothed. But wait, there's more! As an added prize for eating the fruit, death also entered the world, which according to the Mormons, did not exist on the earth prior to Eve and Adam getting into this fruit filled jam.

So naturally as per that which had been done on other worlds, the naughtiness of their fruit filled foible required that they had to be punished by Elohim, who apparently set the whole thing up to begin with. Yes, punished by wearing Mormon Temple underwear, followed by a celestial bonus of periods and menstrual cramps and painful childbirth for Eve and her future female progeny just for being the first to eat the magical fruit. And if that wasn’t enough, both of them had to learn and know the right handshakes, passwords and pass-codes to get them safely past the angels who act as celestial bouncers at the entrance of the Mormon clubhouse-style heaven, which supposedly happened after they died some 900 years later; or so the story goes.

The scene of this amazing fruit-filled dilemma all happened in the environs of Jackson County Missouri U.S.A. or better known to Mormons as 'Adam-ondi-Ahman' or the future site of the big Mormon magical priesthood power key passing party before Elohim sends Jehovah back to the earth sporting a red robe and wielding a bottle of celestial disinfectant to send the bad guys packing.

And to think it all began with an Elogasm. A marvelous work and a wonder indeed!

Yes – of course they enjoy it physically, err, um, you know, meta-physically, err, um, you know, they enjoy it with their physical resurrected homosapien primate god-bodies.

And yes – they climax because that is the way Elohim’s God created Him – otherwise, who would go through all that trouble of all that hummingbird-esque pen!ile probing if they didn’t enjoy it ?

Why ? – Because that is the way Elohim’s God’s God created Him.

And why is that ? – Because that is the way Elohim’s God’s God’s God created Him.

And that is because…

Well, you know, it is Gods all the way back to the beginning of eternity.

Whenever that was.

And Els (another nickname given Elohim by celestial wife Rachel 2,025,223) told Jehovah that even though he will be known as the Savior of the world that one other, yea, even Joseph Smith Jr, would be blessed with many celestial wives in mortality then throughout eternity while Jehovah, gets no such pleasure in mortality and instead gets the wood instead of sharing his wood with the daughters of Eve.

Elohim also later confessed that Jehovah's suffering a horrible death just wasn't enough so Els told Joseph Smith, the keeper of the Spirit World to raise the bar and copy, errr, restore what had become corrupted known as Masonic rituals, to trump the crucifixion and make it the pinnacle of the Law of the Gospel.

Jehovah then asked Els, yo what up? Els reply was simply, "I know not save this is what has been done in other worlds and what your Grandpa God and his Grandpa God... had done."