Admin closes threads at around 30 replies so I didn't get a chance to answer you in the initial thread http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,789180 - but here's my response:

You have only seen one side of the coin with Mormonism. Imagine you were considering joining Al Qaeda. If you only talked to their recruiters they would give you a great story about how great it is. I suggest you do a little research and learn a little more about what the history of Mormonism is and what Mormonism is all about.

Hint: They are a lot more about excluding and discriminating than they are about including. You are seeing the tip of the iceberg of that with your situation.

Here's a start of things to review (I've been careful to include only things that are well researched and accurate in this list):

1) Top 10 Mormon problems explained video. For some reason this simple, straightforward video presentation is the most effective thing I've seen at going through the major issues and just completely putting my mind at ease that it's all made up. (Note: the narrator of this video is a regular poster here on rfm - he used to post as "stunted" but changed his rfm name because he doesn't want it too directly tied this video - Dear awesome narrator: I hope you are OK with me disclosing that.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ac_fLUHiBw

2) Emotionally - reading about Joseph Smith and his wives. It's not just that he has them - it was reading the actual journal entries of the angst he caused the girls, their parents, and their husbands that made it real. This is what emotionally made me feel like: "Joseph Smith was a true scumbag and I want to have nothing to do with his church."

http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/05-ZinaHuntingtonJacobs.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/23-LucyWalker.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/26-HelenMarKimball.htm
http://www.wivesofjosephsmith.org/2021-EmilyandElizaPartridge.htm


3) Logically - the Book of Abraham has no outs. There is no reasonable counter argument to "Joseph Smith fraudulently invented this." None. (I've read the apologetic arguments by Nibley, Rhodes, Lindsey, etc - they are all just grasping at straws.)

http://www.mormonhandbook.com/home/book-of-abraham.html
http://www.bookofabraham.com/boamathie/BOA_TOC.html

4) This discusses what the church did to gays in the 70s - this was sponsored by Spencer Kimball the leader of the church at the time - and Dallin Oaks then the president of BYU was also heavily involved:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwUTVQ4mfNE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-8BmFwGIc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UeMKmnMfNUo

Honorable mentions:

5) Mormon think - the site is almost overwhelming in the breadth and depth of information - But wow, it's excellent!

http://www.mormonthink.com/

6) I find the links about Utah statistics and wacky things church leaders have said to be VERY telling:

http://www.mormonprobe.com/index.php?topic=By%20Their%20Fruits

7) This article does a fantastic job of exposing the approaches Mormon apologists take and helps clarify things:

http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon441.htm

6a) Along these lines, this helps explain why some really smart people still believe Mormonism:

http://www.michaelshermer.com/weird-things/excerpt/



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2013 11:52AM by bc.

I don't think you are interested in facts above. I don't think the claims of the church or promises of eternal life matter to you. These are important to many of us here. You were mostly concerned with affairs of the heart... a la cute missionary and social attention. More about what strokes you are getting not about your contribution.

If you were being honest with yourself you see him as a conquest. Any fantasy you have of what your life would be together is your fantasy with no basis in reality. He is a boy not a man. He doesn't have you experience with day to day living responsibilities. You may see potential but that potential is unproven. And after the honeymoon is over you likely to find yourself in the same loveless platonic relationship struggling financially. Because if it is all about the hotness and the flirt.... it doesn't last. I won't say it's not fun..... just don't expect more than superficial fun.

Let's hear what Annie Lennox has to say in the matter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eyIPmdJHrI&feature=youtube_gdata_player



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2013 05:52PM by Taddlywog.

BC, I think you are describing the typical "convert" to the LDS church. Most converts are socialized into the church. They like the missionaries, they are flattered by the love bombing they receive in the ward, and they enjoy the social aspect of the church. Most aren't converted to the doctrinal aspects of the religion; that's sort of secondary.

I see a big issue in the age difference, not because of you but because of the missionary.

It's hard to see a 21-year-old being a really great father to young children. Not saying it's impossible, but unlikely. You have years of experience as a parent and he has none.

In fact, he's really just a kid himself. It's unlikely that he has had a fulltime job and supported himself. He most likely went from home to college (for one year) to his mission. Think about yourself after high school. Did you look forward to working hard, playing hard, having fun and getting to make your own decisions for the first time? So is he. And he hasn't done it yet. He will want to finish college after his mission, decide on a career -- are you prepared to have a student for a boyfriend/husband? And if he decides against college, to start a business himself, he will probably be working incredibly long hours and won't be around much.

You already know how difficult marriage can be, the compromises you have to make, the in-and-outs of working with another person. Sounds like you have given careful consideration to what is best for you and your children, which is exactly what you should do. But is he ready for that?

He may very well not be "flirting to convert." He may see in you a dynamic, vivid person -- very different from the young girls back home. If you were 40 and he was 30, I would say a relationship was possible. But the experience imbalance here just seems too great.