I recently had a conversation with a TBM acquaintance who asked me why—if I genuinely consider the church to be a fraud—I don't just resign. He suggested that my reluctance to distance myself from the church indicates some degree of deep-seated faith I’m not willing to deny.

In response to this question, I’ve put together an explanation I intend to post to my blog, where it will likely be read by at least one or two NOMish members of my family. Before I do so, however, I’d to get some feedback. Any comments or suggestions will be appreciated.

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If, as I’ve discussed in previous posts, I find the Mormon church to be more evil than good, then why do I stay? Why don’t I just resign my membership and be done with Mormonism forever? This is a very important question, one I ask myself often, and one for which there appears to be no universally applicable answer.

Before I address that question, let me state emphatically my conviction that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a fraud, preaching as truth notions it knows it cannot verify. Indeed, the church has warped the very definition of truth so profoundly as to make its pursuit an appeal to emotion rather than an investigation by observation and reason. In my opinion, no fraud is more egregious—nor more destructive to human potential—than that which demeans and distorts the one trait that seems to most distinguish our species from other living organisms.

But as serious as that perfidy is, the church is not just a fraud in an academic sense. No, in practical terms the church is equally counterfeit. Mormon leaders routinely exempt themselves from the rules of openness and honesty to which they hold their followers accountable. Even more notably, Mormon leaders quietly but unyieldingly claim for themselves privileges and entitlements never given to their followers. Not so, you say? Then tell me, who are the only living Mormons offered an unconditional place in the Celestial Kingdom? Who are the only Mormons given free housing, healthcare, travel, and other living expenses as long as they live? Who are the only Mormons granted an indulgence that essentially rids them of the obligation of tithing? These are benefits of membership available only to the most elite of Mormons. They are benefits paid for by the sacrifices of average Mormons who are commanded by the elite to pay tithing to the church rather than buy groceries for their children.

So, knowing all this, I must ask again, why do I stay? Why do I continue to associate with such a demonstrably despicable organization, an institution that brings discord and shame and hate into the lives of millions of people everyday? Let me attempt an explanation. I’ll admit upfront that it’s not a good explanation, that it doesn’t describe a strategy that would work for everyone. It does, however, seem to work for me.

Voluntarily resigning my membership in the church would feel to me as though I were giving church leaders a reason with which to accuse me of abandoning my family for all eternity. (That’s an absurd accusation, but one which many in my family would accept.) My motivation for not resigning is to demonstrate loyalty to those I love and to deny plausibility for the church’s contention that the rejection of gospel dogma is an overt demonstration of disrespect for family, past and present.

I would like nothing more than to be done with Mormonism once and for all. I claim no faith in the Mormon god, provide no support to the Mormon organization, feel no allegiance to the Mormon prophet, recognize no authority for Mormon leadership, and offer no excuse for Mormon intolerance. On the other hand, I love my family and do not want to alienate myself further from those still entangled in the church’s pretensions. So, for at least today, I have chosen not to make my repudiation of Mormonism official. But please, do not interpret this minor concession to my family as an admission of residual allegiance to the church. It is not.

Edited--final two paragraphs used to read:

Voluntarily resigning my membership in the church would feel to me as though I were giving church leaders a reason with which to accuse me of abandoning my family for all eternity. (That’s an absurd accusation, but one which many in my family would accept.) However, if I stay until church leaders excommunicate me for apostasy, then they are denied that argument, and instead must contend that my abandonment of the church justifies the destruction of our family. That’s an argument not even the most devout Mormons in my family will accept.

I would like nothing more than to be done with Mormonism forever. I claim no faith in the Mormon god, provide no support to the Mormon church, feel no allegiance to the Mormon prophet, and offer no excuse for Mormon dogma. On the other hand, I love my family and will do nothing to divide it. As long as even one member of my family is entangled in Mormonism, it will be a part of my life too.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2014 03:28PM by NoLongerThatGuy.

I understand completely, NLTG.

Commitment to family is much more important than formal church membership. Just don't take Mormonism seriously. If your leaving will cause a lot of harm it might be best to just fake it for them. There may come a time in your life when it will be okay to resign. Basically, my thoughts are to resign within your heart and enjoy your family relationships. I resigned but the only one affected by it was my wife, and she's cool with my divergent beliefs.

I haven't resigned because I enjoy telling people I am a mormon priest.
The only people not impressed by this are mormons and exmormons.

I have not officially resigned because of my TBM wife and kids, although I've been out for 25 years and joined another church.

It used to be that the Morg would ex folks like me, but there's no way they'd do that now--got to keep up appearances that the church is big.

Follow your conscience--if you don't want to officially leave just be willing to put up with a couple of visits every once in a while.

Because I enjoy cussing a lot, I generally say something funny and then as they start to laugh say something like ain't that the fucking truth! That generally keeps them away for a good year but then...WE'RE BACK! Boner.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for anything . You are an Adult right?

Is there a point to your snark, saucie?

Of course I don’t owe anyone an explanation for anything. I’m offering this explanation to people I care about hoping to counter the assumption among some TBMs that anyone who doesn’t officially resign from the church must still have some residual faith they just can’t deny. I know I’m not the only “unresigned” exmo who has been thus accused, and I’m simply curious about how others have responded and to how their responses have been received.

NoLongerThatGuy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is there a point to your snark, saucie?
>
> Of course I don’t owe anyone an explanation for
> anything. I’m offering this explanation to
> people I care about hoping to counter the
> assumption among some TBMs that anyone who
> doesn’t officially resign from the church must
> still have some residual faith they just can’t
> deny. I know I’m not the only “unresigned”
> exmo who has been thus accused, and I’m simply
> curious about how others have responded and to how
> their responses have been received.

No my only point was trying to help you in case you didn't
realize that you didn't need to explain yourself or your motives. So many mormons who leave still have a residual feeling of
wanting a group acceptance of whatever they do. Obviously you
are not one of those.

Thanks for the clarification. Your point is definitely valid. Sorry for being too defensive to see that in the first place.

NoLongerThatGuy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thanks for the clarification. Your point is
> definitely valid. Sorry for being too defensive to
> see that in the first place.


Awww don't even worry.... I have been snarky so many times that I deserved that remark.

moose Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> n/t


you are so right Moose.

You will do nothing to divide your family? In my universe, calling Mormonism an unabashed fraud would divide my family. You seem perfectly willing to do that.

You are in effect recognizing LDS Inc's ability to separate your family in the afterlife. They have no such ability.

That's an excellent point, BoJ. Clearly I am willing to divide my family to some degree; insisting otherwise only weakens my argument. I've tweaked the final paragraph of my post to reflect your suggestion.

What I don't understand is that guy's need to analyze and judge you.

Jews are Jews and none of them expect others to officially resign because they don't wear orthodox attire and follow strict dietary rules.

Mormons tend to be so fanatical that they can't accept that some people don't want HTers and don't believe in sacrament so they must rush off and write official letters about it.

Resignation isn't for the convenience of the corporation. It's for the individual to decide if it helps or hurts his/her recovery.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2014 01:45PM by Cheryl.

Mormons are some of the most judgmental people I've ever met. Even being Mormon does not exempt you from judgment. If anything, it gets worse.

The only way to avoid judgment by Mormons is to blow them off completely. They are some pretty unhappy people trying to pretend like their lives are perfect.

Just stop going and tell them to buzz off if they bother you. Your membership has no legal meaning and you owe them nothing, not even an explanation. Let them fiddle around with their precious records. It's not your problem anymore.

This has been my approach. It works for me to be able to say I'm a member of the church and I am now not religious.

To HT'ers who try to set up visits I've said two things: "I'm taking my sixties off" and "I don't want Home Teachers." (You have to repeat this a couple of times, but it has worked for me.)

I didn’t really intend this post to be a rebuttal of my acquaintance’s argument; that conversation just got me thinking about the issue. The purpose of the post is to explain to the family and friends who read my blog that they should not misinterpret my decision not to resign from the church as anything other than a statement of loyalty to them.

If I were a better man, this issue might not bother me so much. The man I am, however, has a hard time letting go unchallenged the idea that those of us who have not resigned from the church have just lost our way and are waiting to be found and helped back.

I mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically left them 25 years ago. I don't need anything in writing to prove that. If someone asks, I simply tell them I am not LDS.

For what it's worth. I resigned years ago and my family never found out. They go to tithing settlemnt, served in bishopbricks, etc, etc.

I mean no offense but you are never going to be excommunicated . They don't have time to worry about someone who doesn't go anyways and doesn't even claim to be a member. You have to have alot of eyes on you for a long time to get exed for apostacy. So far, you are just posting anonymously to a board so you'll just be on the rolls until your 115th birthday. It's silliness to think you'll get exed if you don't subscribe to the religion anyways.

You didn't bring it up but I don't feel that resignation is recognizing their authority. I'm not recognizing moveon.org's authority when I unsubscribe from their mailing list. There's a whole process set up to do that.

You're right--that line about excommunication is an overstatement that doesn't strengthen the overall point I'm trying to make. It also implies that I'll never resign, something I certainly don't want to say. I'll need to rephrase or maybe just eliminate that line.

You're also right about the supposed authority of the church over me: it doesn't have any. Perhaps I should state that explicitly.

I would think about how to tell your family you love them and are sorry that they refuse to take a look at the facts about the church. You could mention that fraudulent organizations that take peoples money in exchange for promised exaltation should have some evidence to prove they are true.

Other than that I would change the word "truth notions" in the second paragraph in the first sentence. maybe "claims of truth" or something more clear.

I tell my own extended family that I get to choose to worship as much or as little as I want to or feel the need. I don't bug them about how they could attend more meetings so they don't get to bug me about how I could attend more. Everyone is in some degree of measurement of devotion and they can attend to their own business.

Personally I think that the guy you spoke with is just f-ing with you and likes to dish out shiat to everyone who will listen. Who else would say that kind of thing to someone about their beliefs.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/26/2014 05:33PM by upsidedown.