I stopped attending in January. My husband and I have been married 35 tumultuous years. He has still been attending Church but now wants to know why I would have any objection to him doing what ever he wants with whoever he wants for 6 months, due to the fact that he has been repressed due to the Church (and me) for all these years.

He is a narcissist and he feels like his sexual life is passing him by. His relationship with me is too much trouble.

I have found the posts on the previous thread extremely helpful!

Tell him there is no in-between - either we stay married and work things out, or don't let the door hit you in the ass!

This! No need to have him bring you home something you can't cure.

Agreed. He committed himself to you for life with marriage. What he wishes to do is wrong even within his own faith (Mormonism). It's not fair to you at all that he can now break his commitment to you for his selfish pleasure. Either he must keep his marital vows or you don't need to stay together.

So sorry you're going through this. Stay strong!

You don't HAVE to divorce, of course. But you absolutely don't have to feel obligated to stay in a relationship with him if he is cheating on you or if he plans to cheat on you, and you can let him know that you are NOT okay with a so-called "open marriage". Make the best decision with due consideration of your family and your faith (and your lawyer) in choosing whether or not to actually divorce.

Here's what my reply would be if my wife tried to pull something like that:

"You can start your sexual revolution the moment the divorce papers are signed, not a moment before. You have three options at this point. 1) drop this and never mention it again. 2) go to marriage counseling with me to discuss why this is an issue. 3) we both get our own lawyers and figure out how to break up our marriage. You may think that because I do not believe in your church that that means that I should be wild and free and not care. Such is not the case, it couldn't be further from the truth. I am committed to this marriage, have always been committed to this marriage. Your statements are insulting and one way or the other, it will stop.

"And lets be clear, if you think you can start cheating on me now, I will find out. I will tell your bishop and I will tell my lawyers and I will get everything I can in the divorce, cheaters don't come off that well."

Love it!

;o)

I love that response.

That's an excellent response.

WOW! He wants to have all the cake and frosting too, doesn't he?

Did he use the priesthood power over you, conning you to remember that he is the head of the household, and that you, fair maiden, are to follow and obey? Just curious.

Mid-life crisis, I would say. Counseling? (of course, non-LD$ counseling). If you can afford it, I would sign up if I were you, even if he will not.......and my guess is that will be the road he will take.

I am kind of laughing too that he had the balls to say 6 months! I mean, is that supposed to make it drinkable???

He used to use priesthood power etc. THat is how he had porn in our home for years.

So he claimed "priesthood power" in order to do stuff the church expressly forbids? That is SO messed up!

If the relationship is "too much trouble for him," let him see how much trouble it is to go to court, get a divorce and pay alimony and child support, plus half his retirement, the house, the car, and whatever else the judge awards you. Document all his idiotic words and behavior for use in court.

Nobody forced him to marry you; he took those vows of his own free will. It's not your fault he's "repressed." Since he's a narcissist, he probably thinks there will be women fighting each other for the privilege of f***ing his poor repressed @$$, and he will have all he wants, all the time. He will find out differently -- just like my narcissistic ex did.

Even his own Church would never permit this officially and he should know this. I suppose you never threatened him that you'd tell his bishop or other Church members everything. That may have been smart to keep the marriage together, but then it also allowed him to keep doing what he's doing wrong and feel like he has the full freedom to do it. God is watching him and evidently that also wasn't enough to warn him to do the right thing.

It might be wise to warn him that this sort of behaviour would neither be approved by Church leaders if they were to become aware, nor would it be held in high esteem in a divorce court case ...

Yeah, total mid-life crisis. Why doesn't he just get a convertible?

Yeah, go to counseling, with or without him.

Marriage sounds broken. Needs to be fixed or ended.

One word:

Bobbit

Nonsense, what's she gonna do with that thing once she cuts it off? ;>D It's of no use to her unattached.

I still think, as I said in the previous thread, and iced tea backed me up on this, that he is delusional about getting some strange. I don't know how old all y'all are, but I'm guessing somewhere in your 50s. He would find very quickly that his dating pool is so shallow, it's barely a puddle. He will get no kind of action he thinks he could/should/will. Unless he's still really wealthy AFTER you take him to the cleaners in a divorce. Then, there might be some gold diggers willing to close their eyes and spread 'em to get college tuition paid for. His best bet is becoming a Sugar Daddy, IF he can afford that.

No other reasonable women with character, integrity, and standards, would want him.

This relationship can't be fixed, but he should be. (I know a good vet!)

If he is asking at this stage of his life,, he is already out of this relationship and looking for another pasture.

Jeff Foxworthy said that when your girlfriend says "we should see other people", that means that if she isn't already riding, she has at least picked one out of the stall and has the saddle on it.

Just waiting for permission to ride.

As far as the mid-life crisis goes...well, I almost brought it up earlier. But he's been watching porn, not sure how long. It could be the side effect of that. I also read/heard that porn addicts or for some people watching videos are not enough anymore. They want to act upon what they see!

Sorry byebye for having to put up with this crap...I hope things will get better for you soon!

I think this is a family decision

Ask him to pass it by the kids, and see if they approve...

Let's see, advise so far:
· porn makes men cheat (and women too)
· we should cut off cheater's p-part
· we should cut off cheater's t-parts
· people in their 50s don't have sex
· sexually open relationships are doomed
· having sex with more than one person is a guarantee that an STD will be contracted
· if a woman divorces a man for cheating, make sure and destroy the man financially in the divorce
· tell the adult children your husband wants to have sex with other women



Instead, how about this advise:
· your relationship has been tumultuous for 30 plus years, maybe it's time to divorce
· your husband wants an open relationship, you don't, maybe it's time to divorce
· your husband wants to have crazy sex with multiple partners, and concomitantly fervently believes the mormon dogma, sounds like a severe (read pathological) case of dichotomous thinking, maybe it's time to divorce
· maybe it's time to divorce
· maybe it's time to divorce
· maybe it's time to divorce



Sheeze already you guys.

Oh, and to reiterate my schlock meme, cheaters suck. Always!

Well, you keep right on taking mad leaps of logic that have nothing whatsoever to do with what people actually posted. You do you, cupcake!

* FTR, I never said that people in their 50s do not have sex. What I said was, it's a hell of a lot harder to hook up with all the young, lovely ladies when you are in your 50s. My assumption, faulty or not, is that this guy is not interested in settling down with another woman his own age -- he wants young, strange trim. It ain't that easy -- and this is coming from someone in her mid-40s who is single and experiences the modern dating scene on a daily basis (usually choosing to opt out -- men my own age want a woman 20 years younger in general and men who are 20 years younger are not generally interested in an old cougar who may have wrinkles or gray hairs).

All I was saying was: The grass always seems greener, innit? But you took that light years beyond what I said, practiced some impressive mindreading voodoo, and came up with "people in their 50s don't have sex."

STFU already. Geez. Not helpful. Or even contributing anything of value to the discussion.

"porn makes men cheat (and women too)"

Then your porn reference towards my post!?!?
But who knows, this thread is getting long that I don't have
all the time to scroll up all the comments...

What the freak is the matter with you schlock? Do you have problems reading people's posts carefully?

What I said about porn addicts was "SOME PEOPLE" means not all men and women too wants to act up on what they see on videos!

Come down with your (DIVORCE RANTS)! You're not helping anyone here!

Here's an idea, why don't you go back to bed, take a shower and take some happy pills. So, next time you post anything you'll think twice!

If he is even thinking this way, be careful. Very careful. Chances are he's already decided he can do whatever he wants. He might be putting feelers out for your reaction, but have decided he'll just be sneaky if you protest.

I've had to deal with an STD (the big H) for over 20 years as my last gift from my temple-married eternal mate. These guys are usually totally stupid when it comes to protection, if they decide to cheat. My thoughts...divorce his ass now. But I don't know your situation, so that may not be an option. Just think twice before you carry on your sexual relationship.

This board saved me yesterday. Thank you all for your support and comments. Here's what I told him. Hey, an amicable divorce will solve some of your problems and mine too. And if you want to get to your sexual revolution sooner, we can get a legal separation and you can move to an apartment ASAP. You can start exploring whatever you want. I don't care. If you choose to stay here with me, you are choosing to live the already agreed upon standard. I am not going to wait to see what he does. I am going to work on organizing my affairs to be ready to take a new direction.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/27/2014 12:12PM by byebye.

Good luck byebye...

Keep us posted!

Again, I'm really very sorry for what your husband is doing to you!

I'm pro-marriage, and it is so hard to hear anyone going through
some very difficult marriage issues like yours:( !!!

Nice! Good work, byebye. Please return and report -- I'm dying to hear how he took that. ;>)

He was so shocked that all he could say was "I never mentioned splitting up." I replied, "I think it is an idea worth considering. You may be much happier." When you are married to a narcissist, it is always good to mention how any change may be good for him. He doesn't love me because, sadly, he is incapable of it. His TBM mom had 5 kids she did not want and did not give any of them good care.

Wow! I am not going to comment, my belief system now allows for a lot more latitude, but it is interesting how close we stay to what we were.

My belief system does too, but I live the standards we began the marriage with out of respect for him. When he is gone, I will begin again determining my standards.

Tell your husband you took out a personal ad and you have a date for Friday and one with a different guy Saturday Night. You want to make sure he is OK with you dating different men since you are going to be a sure thing for them.

If he is Ok with you dating, then file the freaking divorce papers. He does not love you,

He knows that he has killed any desire for another man. I am a mom of 3 girls and his example has made them relationship phobic.