Now that I have not believed in or attended the church in about 6 weeks, I feel my insides searching for something to fix or fill this hole that has been left behind. I went to a nondenominational church yesterday for the first time and while I Did enjoy myself, good music, good message... But I didn't get what I want or need. I feel like I'm looking for the feeling of the spirit I used to get when I first found the church about 12 years ago. I feel sad because I don't think I'm going to find it again.

So where do I go from here? How did you fill that emptiness? Did you ever truly feel the spirit again or did your wall go up permanently? Or did the reality of confirmation bias block any chance of feeling of believing there is a spirit to be felt?

I fill it with nature. When I go for a walk on a nature path, or hike to a waterfall, I feel just like I used to in church. I also feel good when I'm helping someone out.

I love nature :) except when its filled with whiney children. Lol kinda ruins that moment.

Ditto for when I used to go to church. Whining children no bueno.

We had children who did not whine! As for the children of other people, I slept. Could only stay awake with a cup of java. Really, we had twelve non-whiney children and sat in the second row, center. Forgive the bragging. Anyway, we live about 800 feet from the ocean and everything is quiet, essentially no traffic at all. Easy to enjoy nature. I'm sitting in my office with a thousand books of different kinds including some autographed by famous authors and some very old - like an 1830 printing of Sir Walter Scott's History of Scotland. Mysteries, biographies, theology, and much more. I watch the grandchildren out windows on the north and east and look at the ocean from my window on the south (in the winter).

I enjoy singing non-mormon hymns and songs. Anyway, to fill the empty hole in leaving moism, I say: enjoy life. Enjoy truth. Seek things for the mind and spirit. Seek to bring about justice where injustice prevails. Accept differences. Don't give up on those who continue to be misled.

Agreed!

Its a cliche, but give it time.It gets better. Don't rush.
Music works for me as well as nature

I'd encourage you to not try to fill the gap with a rebound religion or anything right now.

You can feel whole and have emotional human experiences again. It just takes time to adjust. Your whole framework on reality collapsed...try to be patient with yourself.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2013 03:46PM by ragingphoenix.

Really good point, RP!

For me, I didn't have a problem with that as much as others really do. I felt like a had a hole when I was in the religion, and I had to find a real way to make myself happy other than have unrealistic expectations for myself. You can literally make yourself "feel the spirit" as you would in church if you have enough concentration... or at least I can. It's just a way of being able to control your emotions.

When I do start to feel that feeling I immediately dismiss it for my own emotion and it leaves. Like I'm not allowing myself to feel good because "its not real".

it's most likely your indoctrination kicking in, telling you because you aren't at a church activity/spiritual even your body doesn't want to let you. It's something you go through as you exit. When I was deconverting on my mission I was in a somewhat similar circumstance, but then I started feeling it more often and just letting myself do so. I wasn't supposed to, but I would often record voice clips and send them through email and receive them from others while I was on my mission, that made me "feel the spirit" while I was there, since actual missionary activities didn't help

it's inside of you sweetie! You can make that feeling happen on your own without any church. If you feel like you're betraying something else when you start to feel it, recognize it for what it is and then ignore it. what an991 said is true. It's just your indoctrination kicking in. You don't need anything outside of yourself to make you feel good. It's already there.

I actually enjoy this "hole" in my schedule. Much more time to do whatever I want to.

But, to your point, and what others mentioned, take your time. It takes time to recover.

I had urges to jump to another church. But, I didn't go, and instead decided to spend the time home as a family instead.

Today, I don't have any desire to join any other church...just yet. Even if I do, it would be to find some new non-mo friends. The so called Gospel is just a bunch of human interpretations.

I'd suggest focusing on yourself. You are your own God. Accomplishing some goals, and rediscovering joys outside the former box-of-mormonism will surprise and invigorate you.

A major change and disappointment, like leaving the church, can trigger depression. Instead of talking about it in spiritual terms, see how you are dealing with your emotions.

You can fill your life with study, hobbies, other churches, etc., but look for depression as a major cause of the hollowness you describe.

Mormon Expression recently did a podcast on this topic.

John as he gives his top ten reasons on how to best transition out of the church.

http://mormonexpression.com/2013/05/13/episode-225-top-ten-ways-to-transition-out-of-the-church/

Might be of help to you? :)


Also I would like to add that I still feel the spirit I don't think of it in the same way as I used to but I do still get that feeling. Even if it's just emotion it's an amazing emotion and you should allow yourself to feel it and embrace does fleeting moments of peace and happiness.

LOL, if you know what I was thinking when I read your subject line, you will know why I don't have a struggle with this particular problem...

Try meditation. There are ways to consciously summon the feeling, and meditation can help you master the skill.

Weepingwillow, Just because you left the Mormon church doesn't mean you need to leave God if you don't want to. Sometimes people just need to take a little time to figure out what they really believe, or if they believe in God at all. I eventually did find a new church years after I left the Mormon church.
Non-Denominational churches are great but some are so big that a person can feel lost and disconnected. If you want to find a new Church to attend try a small congregation. It's easier to meet people. Meeting other people who are not Mormon will help with the holes.

I remember being in your same shoes. It wasn't until I started actually reading the Bible that I began feeling better. Do it on your own, with a women's Bible study, or an on-line Bible study. I really liked the Beth Moore Bible studies to start with. She has books too.

fixing a hole where the rain gets in and keeps my mind from wondering where it may go. Lennon and Mcartney. Let your mind wander. You own it now.

If I remember correctly you are a stay at home mom. So probably Mormonism was most of your social life. I started looking at meetup . com for mommy groups close to me.

MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) is a great group if you have young kids. When I moved to my current state and decided to be a stay at home mom, it really helped me to meet other women and make new friends. No one in my group was LDS which was ideal!

What you're feeling is very normal. I also had an empty hole, but I knew I could not live a lie. You will fill it...it takes time, but you will fill the hole with things that are real and not fantasy. No more fake friends. No more meaningless tasks. Spend time with your family and enjoy life to its fullest.

My soul and intellect grew and I matured to fill the "hole."

People are good and complete. Churches are a frill or a garnish, not a necessity in my opinion.

I've been struggling with this too, and for me I'm trying to occupy my time with things that make me happy, like spending extra time with the kids, listening to music, and allowing myself to take a break from religion for a while. I tried a non-denominational church too, but it was very born-again Christian and a little too preachy for my taste. They think everyone else is going to hell unless they accept Jesus the way that the do. I can't stand that kind of elitist thinking, and we don't go anymore. I've tried very very hard to get noticed by God my whole life, but now I need a break, and if He wants my attention He knows where to find me.

Twenty-three replies an no, "That's what she said."

I'm going to miss The Office.

Realize that the hole is invented. It is not natural. It is a product of mental conditioning.

Realize there is no hole, that you are quite complete just as you are. The hole was created so that you would dump your time, money and energy into it. The hole was control.

Not being controlled can be scary. But it fades as the conditioning fades. The worthwhile things of the world are still worthwhile, but they don't pump the warm fuzzy endorphins at you when you do them because they aren't pushing the religious trigger-button that's been conditioned into you.

It's like tasting real food after eating junk food your whole life. It's not as flashy, doesn't give that immediate stimulation to the taste buds, but it is more filling, more satisfying and better for you.

Mormonism cranks emotions up on purpose. It rewards and punishes quickly, and keeps people on a knife's edge. Living without that may seem dull in comparison, but it really isn't. The pressure is relieved. The hole no longer needs filling.

Give yourself time and distance from it all. Your perspective will return.

+1

It is only a hole temporarily, you lost something that meant a lot to you when you found out it wasn't true.

what is true is that you are still a spiritual person. for me after a few monts I found that I felt in some ways more spiritual than ever before. I found morals and values everywhere I looked.

You soon start to realize just how precious the moments you have are and grow to appreciate them.

try laying back on the grass and just feeling the joy of summer, stare deeply into the sky and you will see what I mean.

watch a great movie, read a good book, write, sculpt and compose.

I found that my creativity blossomed about 6 months after ai started being honest with myself about what I really thought about everything. No longer did I need to fit someone else's mold of expectation.

I remember just recently watching the movie called the croods, I started crying at the end as I felt a strong spiritual connection to the moral of the movie. It was as powerful as most experiences I have had. Kinda surprised me really.

So my council is the same as most of these, be patient, you haven't lost the piece of you that is you. its still there and you will learn new ways to feel it.

If you want to "feel the spirit" all you need to do is listen for it in your everyday life. It's easily interpreted in your daily events.
You have not lost anything. You're just redirecting how you use your experiences and how you feel or experience spirituality.

You'll have that emotional response of "the spirit" in many ways - when you tear up over something or someone, when you are involved in something larger than you, some kind of service, watching a rainbow, the sunset, and on and on and on.

I think there is nothing more serendipitous than spirituality. Spiritual experiences just pop up out of nowhere sometimes, and it's never when you go looking for them.

Spirituality in the Mormon church is manufactured to cover the hole they created in your life by getting you to deprive yourself of all the world has to offer.

And church? Most churches operate on the same principle: you need to be saved, you sinner you!

Well, do you? Do you need to be saved? Hell no. That is just a control tactic. Spirituality is not found in churches unless you're looking for the faux stuff.

The Mormon church's mission was to render you incapable of connecting with the big beautiful world that is out there. It didn't work. There's no hole, there's just hunger for real honest life that you are feeling now.

We all took a different path. I actually left the church skipping and leaping for joy, so forgive me if I don't sound sympathetic enough, but I think whatever path you find to fulfillment will get you where you want to go, just give it a little time, and take some steps. Try anything.

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."
---Auntie Mame.