Cartman: Hello, ma'am. I'm working to clean up the neighborhood from parasites. Do you mind if I take a quick look around your house? I'm afraid you may have hippies.
Elderly Woman: Hippies?
Cartman: [walks in and begins to rap the walls with his fist] Yeah, they've been poppin' up all over the neighborhood lately. Ms. Nelson next door had seven hippies in her basement; they usually live in colonies. [raps on the wall and the pitch changes] Hm, I don't like the sound of that. Could I take a look in your attic?
[The attic. He opens the door and looks in. He gets out a flashlight, turns it on, and looks around again. He stops after a few seconds.]
Cartman: Oh yeah, boy. Take a look at this, ma'am. [she climbs up until her eyes are level with his] See that? Hippies. [five hippies are sitting in a clearing in the attic, smoking and laughing.]
Elderly Woman: Oh my.
Cartman: These are what we call the uh giggling stoners. Pretty common form of hippie, usually found in the attics. Problem is, if you see one hippie, there's probably a whole lot more you're not seein'. Uh, whe-where's the backyard.
[The backyard. The elderly lady opens the door and Cartman walks out onto the back porch]
Cartman: Yep, that's what I thought. See that? You've got a drum circle in your backyard. [eight hippies are seen seated around a small cmapfire drumming away. Logs are scattered around them]
Elderly Woman: Oh, well they showed up a few days ago, but I didn't think they were hurting anything.
Cartman: Yeah. You know, I had a guy in Jackson county. He had a little drum circle in his backyard. It turned into a drum circle four miles in diameter. You get a few hippies playing drums and next thing you know, you got yourself a colony.
Elderly Woman: Oh dear.
[back inside the house]
Elderly Woman: Oh, well, so, so what do I do?
Cartman: [goes back to rapping the walls, then stops] Well, your attic could be so we can fumigate with polymerethane. The drum circle we're gonna have to gas. [raps again. The wall begins to crack and he steps aside. A hippie breaks through and falls to the floor. Cartman says under his breath] Goddamnit! [pulls out a fire extiguisher from his backpack]
Hippie 1: [dazed and confused, coughing] Whoa, how did I get here? Man, I'm so high.
Cartman: Goddamn hippie! [opens fire. Foam spews out from the extinguisher]
Hippie 1: Whoa, dude!
Cartman: Get out of here!
Hippie 1: Not cool! [stands up and loods at Cartman] What's up?! [runs off]
Cartman: Ma'am, I need to clear out your giggling stoners and your drum-cricle hippies RIGHT NOW, or soon they're gonna attract something much worse!
Elderly Woman: Ooooo.what's that?
Cartman: The college know-it-all hippies.
[The neighborhood, day. A red car pulls up to the curb. On the back window is a decal which says "University of Colorado at Boulder" Three men and three women step out of the car]
Driver: [wearing green jacket] Wow, my friend Brittany was right. This is a really laid-back place.
Woman 1: [wearing tan jacket] Yeah, this will be a great place to spend spring break. [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny approach them]
Kyle: Hey, let's ask them. [the boys are wearing shoulder totes with magazines peeking out from them.]
Stan: All right. [the two parties meet] 'Scuse me. [holds out a clipboard] Hello, we are selling magazine subscriptions for our community youth program. Would you like to help young people like us by purchasing a subscription of your choice?
Driver: Oh wow, you guys shouldn't be doing that. Don't you know what you're doing to the world?
Kyle: Wha- whataya mean?
Man 1: [wearing a guitar over his back] You're playing into the corporate game! See, the corporations are trying to turn you into little Eichmanns so that they can make money. [the other man is busily eating chips]
Stan: Who are the corporations?
Woman 2: [a blonde with a psychedelic fish on her shirt] The corporations run the entire world. And now they fooled you into working for them.
Stan: Are you serious?? We never heard that.
Driver: We just spent our first semester at college. Our professors opened our eyes. The government is using its corporate ties to make you sell magazines so they can get rich.
Kyle: Ugh! Those dirty liars!
Kenny: (Sonofabitch!) [throws down his shoulder tote]
Man 2: [has finished his chips] This is a really nice town you have here. That's why the corporations are trying to use you to take it down.
Stan: Well... Well what do we do?http://southpark.cc.com/clips/103809/hippie-infestation