Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: September 08, 2014 06:47PM
I heard on the news that the video shows him punching and dragging his fiancee, who later became his wife. LATER became his wife? So what would he have to do, I wonder, before she would break off an engagement. Especially in view of the fact that abusers get worse, not better. If he'd punch you in the head and drag your unconscious body around even before you are married, in public, with cameras on him (whether he realized that or not) what will he do when you are alone, such as in your own home with nobody else around?
As a community volunteer, I worked with women who had violent partners. It was astounding to me at first how many would choose to stay put, again and again, rather than accept help to get out. The #1 reason I heard for that was "I love him".
Maybe THEY need to see a video of themselves getting beaten up by their partner in order to accept the reality of their situation.
Not that I mean to sound heartless against the victims of abuse. In fact, I often found myself relating to them, understanding their dilemma of not wanting to leave someone they had ties to and cared for even in the face of obvious major problems. In some cases, the abuse I saw could potentially be life-threatening. Still, across the board, from culture to culture and woman to woman, I saw many times that an abused women would return or stay with her abuser. In which case, I had to accept their decision and walk away, until the next time.
In the case of the NFL, I agree that it seems they are only coming down hard on the player now that the video has surfaced. Before the video, a 2-game suspension was given for this violent act. After the video, indefinite suspension (+ being released by his team). Does every victim now need video evidence before these attacks are taken seriously?
Regarding whether an abuser should be given second, third, fourth chances - there is good evidence that the violence goes in a cycle - it will recur and will keep getting worse. Perhaps if abusers are willing to seek treatment, if any is going to be truly reforming for them, then people can talk about giving them a second chance. For now, these institutions need to take the problem seriously and demonstrate that they are so doing.
Maybe the Mormon Church needs to instruct its volunteer bishops et al on how to professionally and compassionately handle this issue in their own ranks. That is, no easy blame the victim fallback position, and some heavy duty eval and treatment for the abuser, in addition to serious consequences. If that's what it takes to get their attention and demonstrate that abuse is a societal taboo, so be it.