I just sent a FB message to my TBM wife's apostate brother, telling him I no longer believe. I haven't even told my own mom yet. I don't talk to him much since he lives in another country, but he seems like a super nice guy to me. The reason I don't know if it was a good idea is that I am not "out" to much of anybody but my wife, and I didn't say anything to my her, and I wonder if she's gonna feel like I've gone behind her back... Dammit, why does this situation make me feel like this?!?!? Dammit!!!! Am I behaving badly?

Anyway, I THINK he is a non-believer, not a Jack-Mo, but I can't be certain. I asked him not to tell anyone about it. Hope it doesn't blow up. But, I can't just hide forever. I have to take some steps to create honesty in my life, dammit!

Other people can't read my FB messages, can they? I don't actually use FB much.

Oh, hell, I hope that wasn't too big of a mistake. Thanks for listening!

did you post it on his "wall"? if so anybody he is friends with could see it.

No, I sent a message.

If he's asleep in his timezone then delete it until you can think further on your decision.

Thinking... OK, gonna let it stand. Yeah, I have to do something, or I'll go nuts.

You did nothing wrong. You owe no one any of your personal information, including your wife, unless you choose to give it. Marriage does not cancel autonomy. A partner is not entitled to every thought in your head and you have a right to divulge information in your own time and in your own way.

If this relative gives out the information, then you will have a situation to deal with, a consequence. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just means you have a result from your action.

Haha, if that happens, then the suspense is over!

I have faith in our apostate brothers and sisters. Bet he doesn't say anything.

Yeah, and I really just need an ally in real life, you know? Worth the risk. Even if it gets out, well, the hell I've got right now will all just go to hell. Won't be worse, just different! Right?

just the act of telling someone lifts a huge weight of the shoulders. back before I told anyone I would just write down my thoughts and it helped but finally getting the word out there is a liberating feeling