I am tired of everywhere I go and everything I do triggering insecurity in people. I am sorry about venting like this, but I feel like this relates. Also, I am anon because I don't want this to seem like I am trying to draw attention to myself or puff myself up in anyway, I just want to be able to express myself a bit more openly than I would if I had to attach some identity to it.

Starting with the on-topic stuff. Just by being an exmormon, every mormon automatically feels threatened and insecure by your very presence. I don't like this, I just want to be me, without people having to create a huge fuss about it and feel like they have to attack me to mask their insecurity.

Also, I am tired of being pegged as the "genius" and having people freak out because of it. I am extremely accomplished for someone my age, I have always been well ahead of the curve, I have seen more places than many do in an entire lifetime, etc. While that has been great when working with professionals and people who have a reasonable degree of self-esteem, I find that it sticks in the craw of most people who have any degree of insecurity. I was constantly bullied through grade school (singled out because I was usually top of the class). All throughout college, a lot of people just wanted to argue with me (no matter how hard I tried to avoid arguing) or assert their superiority in some fashion (thankfully I had plenty of friends who didn't care, and were just able to be real people), like some of these people would track me down to do so (I even dated a few girls that felt the need to try and demonstrate how they were "superior" in some fashion or another). I never try and show off, flaunt, or compare to others in any way, shape, or form. I find that it gets worse now that I have finished a couple degrees and am in the middle of a fantastic career, I have people I used to get along great with (as a teen) that are just now starting to cause problems out of the blue...

I don't know, maybe I am just an insufferable/arrogant ass and I just don't realize it, but I have a hard time seeing that as the case considering the fact that I do have plenty of friends, and they aren't the kind to tolerate an arrogant ass in their life. Then again, maybe they just tolerate me and come to some random message board and bitch about me anonymously ;)

Look at it from their perspective.
They barely hang onto a mythology - of which most certainly each has individual doubt - which is kept aloft and encouraged via shared delusion. That is what fast and testimony is about.
The very presence of a logical doubter is a potentially fatal threat. The greater the intelligence (even if only perceived) the greater the threat.

You are the spark to the Hindenburg.

PS - and what, exactly, is wrong with being an insufferable arrogant arse. Folks are going to label you how they see fit. Usually has little bearing to what is real.

Anon for this Wrote:
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> Also, I am tired of being pegged as the "genius"
> and having people freak out because of it. I am
> extremely accomplished for someone my age, I have
> always been well ahead of the curve, I have seen
> more places than many do in an entire lifetime,
> etc.

Yeah, I only partially answered this. Sorry.

Few have an internalized independent worth (integrity is actually the ability to stand completely and independently alone; it is usually thought to be adhering perfectly to something dreamed up by others).

Most live in a rank-ordered “limited-goods” world.
These base their safety/worth on their social ranking (degree of specialness). Constantly comparing self with others to see who has more (money, prestige, intelligence, degrees, rank, righteousness, beauty). Mormons are particularly vulnerable to this because of their particular mythology, which is why they are so anxious and miserable.

So in that world, you do not even have to be all that bright. The perception will do. Or you can be the biggest microfrog in a very small pond, and that is enough.

To people trapped in this kind of world, if you are thought rich, I am poor, and therefore lesser. Those thought to have more (fill in the quality) will therefore be threatening, because in that limited world, my worth and therefore safety is based entirely on my comparison with the external world. On the other hand, I can feel so smug comparing myself with those who have perceived less than do I. I can feel special, very special indeed.

So it is completely unstable – this always comparing self with others. It is a miserable way to live.

What you said triggered a memory I had of David Bednar. He is very insistent that people use his highest title to show respect. Before he was an apostle he was the president of Ricks College. He did not like being called president because he thought elder was a higher title so he instructed everyone to use the title Elder when addressing him. I suppose he now insists on being called Apostle Bednar. Whatever it is, I think insisting on any title shows his lack of personal self-worth. Without his title he is nothing inside. I'd love to bump into him and say, "Hi Dave" just to get his reaction. I think it would be very telling.

I can totally relate. My sister is highly insecure and I've spent my life trying to bend over backwards to avoid triggering her insecurities. We are both very bright people but I make better decisions. She, although not believing and not active in LDS church, still makes all her decisions based on emotion. Hence, her life, career, finances are all a giant mess.

As my mother has become elderly and more dependent she first started relying on my sister but sis couldn't handle the responsibility so she switched to relying on me. Sis hates this, is offended and has started getting rude and nasty to Mom. Sis's feelings are hurt and I feel for her but I still have to take care of Mom. I can't win with sis because nothing I do or say will avoid triggering her insecurities. I usually just try to say nothing when I'm around her. At the present she is mad at both my mother and myself because of something we didn't tell her. If we HAD told her she would have been just as mad. So, we just have to face that we'll never get it right with Sis.

Wow. You're so damned marvelous, I'm surprised anything in this world could upset you. Lol