Long story short. When I was 18 I was trying to stay true to the church and not see the faults with it. I fell in love, we got "engaged" and planned on getting married once he was back from his mission. Then, his mom heard that I was having doubts about the church, and ultimately told him to chose me, or her and his family that he would be able to have for eternity...and he chose his mother.

Now, he's back from his mission and going to BYU. We still have mutual friends who we both talk to, but we don't talk to each other. I've moved on, I would never go back to that lifestyle or him. He's began seeing a girl who has the same first name as me, bought her glasses that are the same brand/color as mine, bought her hair extensions and had them highlighted exactly like my hair (so its now the same length, cut, color, and she's learned to style it identically to mine), bought her make up and had someone teach her how to do make up (she never wore it before, and funny, same high end brand he knew I wore), convinced her to switch majors to what I got my degree in...SHE thinks he just sees the "beauty in her that she can't see in herself" but everyone can see and tells me that he's trying to replace me with "as close as he can get with a mormon girl." I wish the poor girl could see it. He's gone as far as erasing her ipod to replace it with music I listen to...even his friends who he's known since kindergarden have told me how freaked out they are by his behavior and asked if I could talk to him. I won't theres nothing for me to say, I just wish she could see that his "love" is really control, and she deserves better. Poor girl is being used to replace the girl his mommy took away from him. I hope she sees the light before he proposes and she is stuck with him!

Now that is creepy!

Would just meeting her, or having a friend introduce you to each other work - then she can see what is going on herself. Also if friends are telling you, they should be able to tell her.

I agree, best plan might be for them to host an event where you casually drop by with one of your new beaux. Best plan is they use her new iPod playlist for music. And you can say that that song (one he added to her iPod) is your favorite, wow its all your favorite music. Someone can tell her later you thought she should meet you, because you are so alike its scary. And after that you can all think you have done your duty in warning her. I think 15 minutes should be sufficient to figure it out. And with the speed that young Mormons marry, this better happen soon. She needs to have her eyes open when making decisions.

Creepy!! Wow. BYU guys give me the creeps. I know, I know...I am generalizing, but yeah, I really get turned off when someone is going or has gone to BYU.

I am so glad my daughter realizes having 'RM' after your name means nothing. ALL men are of worth and can be good husbands.

Since you have the same circle of friends, does she not see you?? Why are they asking you to talk to him, if they have been friends with him since kindergarten. Boys like to look good in front of their guy friends, and with a little ribbing and explanation of how he looks and acts, he might step back and take a good look at himself. Who knows though....Mormons usually have a propensity towards judgment, rather than self introspection.

That sounds like a bad movie. I hope he doesn't try to steal any of your body parts.

That sounds like pre-murdering behaviour. Are you sure that his mother wasn't him dressed in her old clothes?

You are smart to stay out of it.
She probably would not believe anyone anyway.

The dude is a head case. But unfortunately his new GF needs to be allowed to make her own decisions in life, even if they are the wrong ones.

I agree, if she is a TBM she is already prone to delusions. that line about him seeing the beauty in her that she doesn't see is flat out delusional right there. any guy that tries to change you in ANY way is not worth his salt and should be immediately gotten rid of. OP, you dodged a bullet indeed. that story is dead creepy and sounds like the beginning of a Criminal Minds episode.

but she has been taught being a wife and mother is the most important thing she will ever do with her life so what's a little hair changing, or worse, changing the course of your 4 year studies and potential future career, so long as she has her man to get into heaven! (/sarcasm).

Chloe Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You are smart to stay out of it.
> She probably would not believe anyone anyway.
>
> The dude is a head case. But unfortunately his
> new GF needs to be allowed to make her own
> decisions in life, even if they are the wrong
> ones.


+1

Take it from someone older with experience in this type of situation. If a girl (or guy) is in love, nothing you say or do will change that. Worse, she will just put your genuine concerns for her down to your "jealousy." Your ex will tell her that too--that you're jealous.

Just thank your lucky stars.
He would have done the same with you in other areas.

At least he did not try and turn you into his mother.

Have HER friends tell the girl. Give them a picture of yourself, and have them reference it to his new girlfriend BEFORE they began dating, and post-transformation.

And maybe tell them to watch Alfred Hitchcock's classic movie "Vertigo" with her?

Vertigo crossed my mind, too!

This is indeed creepy, a demented novel storyline.
Having RN after your name is MUCH better. People respect you and you are helping them. Go the RN not RM.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2013 02:56AM by enoughenoch19.

Perhaps he's like those serial killers who go after only one type of girl, someone from age 18 to 22, with shoulder-length dark hair, glasses, and pointed chin.

I'd say any girl needs to watch for red flags. Nice normal guys don't try to remake whoever they choose to date.

Even if he is not a creepy psycho head case, he is still clearly not over you. No matter how hard he tries to remake her into you, he can't ever completely succeed. He will eventually dump her.

I had a friend like him. Friend's wife dumped him after a volatile 18-month temple marriage (fortunately, no kids together). He was so not over her that he still wore his wedding ring on the right hand, used their wedding pics as his desktop wallpaper, and even kept her silk floral wedding bouquet.

After a few years and a couple of disastrous rebounds, he met a woman that looked almost exactly like her and was in the same profession. When I went to their wedding reception, Friend told me that he had decided they were going to raise Yorkies (just like he did with Former Wife). He had the same music playing in the background that he told me he'd used with Former Wife at their reception. He told me he was also going to use the same playlist for his wedding night that he'd used with (wait for it...) Former Wife. Not only did he plan their honeymoon in the same location, he booked the same room in the same resort hotel!

They lasted maybe eight months before she left him.

He has had two gfs since. They are both slender petite brunettes with big blue eyes and overbites who teach elementary school and who are much younger than he is. He's still trying for a do-over. Other friends and I have talked to him, but he won't listen. He doesn't get it. He probably never will.

Your ex sounds like Friend. Unfortunately, you can't stop the train wreck and your mutual friends probably can't either -- but they should try. It's not your problem any more, and if you talked to her, you'd be written off as the crazy jealous ex-gf. If the mutual friends aren't up for it, let it go.

I agree -- let it go. His gf won't believe you.

Stay away from the crazy guy. He doesn't want a real woman. He wants a Stepford wife.

travel the world
and the seven seas....

some of them want to use you
some of them want to be a bused

Marital abuse and control are such debilitating things over time in a partner's life that people who are aware it should try hard to warn this girl off. The misery of such relationships affects the partner the most, but ultimately all the people around them.

Give her books by Patricia Evens. Or any others...
Lay the facts out before her at the risk of your friendship. The friendship will be gone anyway once the marriage occurs.

You wouldn't walk away from a toddler determined to stick a fork in an outlet, would you? This girl is as young and naive in relationships as a toddler. And she's been brainwashed to be sweetly subservient to a husband to boot.

Whatever it takes.

hmmm, on the one hand, it's her life, stay out.

On the other hand, maybe a warning is in order such as a list of the prior girl friend's (you),specific identity sent to her anonymously might show her that she is being groomed to be replace you.
Did you know that your boy friend has now made you into a complete duplicate of a prior girl friend: hair color, cut, makeup, music choice? (Get specific)

I think she needs to know what he is doing. Whether she believes it or recognizes it is another matter.