I ruined it because I saw my TBM mom do something that could have potentially gotten us all sick, & she got mad at me because I called her on her bullshit. To her, I have absolutely no right to get mad or to criticize. It's an attack against her if I do, & I'm screwed up & mentally ill if I do. To her, I'm not even an adult, but a small, stupid, child. I didn't even yell at her or anything. This next year, I'm going to be putting serious distance between myself & these fucked up people.

Wait. You prevented her from getting you all sick? That's not your fault!

I'm sorry, Tristin. I feel so much for you in this.

In my family, I was the screwed up one who "always ruined Christmas for everyone."

It's a horrible feeling, and my body (especially) remembers it SO well...even now...even all these years later...

Putting distance between you and them is the healthy thing to do.

In my case, before each of them died, I finally did get respect.

I hope you do, too.

Take care of yourself, do what you have to in order to survive (in all of the important ways), and try to roll over it like a surfboard rolling over a huge surge of water.

It eventually gets better if you let it get better.

Honest.

Tristan, your family are a bunch of dicks. I would make it my mission in life to get away from them, and it sounds like you are. If you're "crazy" it's because these people are making you that way. I'm sorry you're having to put up with such, well, craziness.

Tristan, you do realise you are the only normal person in your family, don't you?

you really are

WTF? So she would be ok with everyone puking for a week? What was she doing? Food poisoning can kill people, it's nothing to take a chance with.

What a bitch.

I don't understand why you keep hanging around them and end up in fights. Seems you ought to get away - if you don't, you are part of the problem.

TBMs are accused of phony crying and tears. Sometimes I wonder if we get points here for how much anger we can produce. Anger really isn't necessary - it just means you allowed someone to get under your skin.

Can't keep blaming others forever, unless you enjoy the blame game.

Now she's acting fine. IDFK what her problem is. As to what happened, I didn't see her wash a pan that had been in the sink before she started cooking in it, or if she just rinsed it off. I know that she's done that before, so I told her that she just can't do that or else we'll get sick. I admit that I then got angry, but didn't raise my voice. I said that if she's doing thst all the time, no wonder we are sick all the time (feeling misersble, not sleeping well); the we probably have parasites. This is why I'm the one who washes the dishes. & we have extra pans she could have used for what she was cooking. So I kind of railed against her, & I was told that I'm crazy. (Incidentally, my dad has told me that stainless steel pans don't need to be cleaned with cleanser. I had to get facts from cooking safety experts in order to prove him wrong.) See we're almost out of liquid dish cleaner, & it actually would have been easier for her to dirty an extra pan, than for her to wash that dirty pan twice. She knows we're almost out, so that's why I got scared that she did't clean the pan. But she never listens to anything I have to say because I'm "the kid" & she's "the mom". Maybe I was just freaking out for no reason, but I've had food poisoning 4 times in the last 23 years (none of them from my own cooking), so I freak out about these things.

Thank you for your support.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/25/2013 09:11PM by Tristan.

I think what you just said is really important. She still looks at you and thinks of you like a little kid. You have to remind her somehow that you're a grown woman. But again, it's honestly them, not you.

You can't be too careful. You know you did the right thing.

Gross! I've never heard of people not washing cookware/dishes. Yucky.

I did see her wash it a second time though before she used it again.

I here you, Tristan. After holding my breath all day, keeping the peace, my mom went off on a nagging tangent, and I lost it.
She just keeps seething and nitpicking, and finally starts off on a loud, meanspirited rant. I said, "Okay, that's it, I'M OUTTA HERE!" I told her that's the last time I'd let her disrespect my father in front of me, and a few other choice things. She said, "Oh Hap...don't leave.." I threw on my coat and told her some more choice things. She then said, "Well, you and dad hate me!" I turned to her and said, "Why do you think we hate you Mom? You need to think about that..." Then I stormed off in a huff.

Dammit, I hoped we could get through just one more hour together without the Holocaust erupting yet again on a holiday. I'm so fed up with my mom I just can't be civil with her anymore. I wish the whole thing didn't happen, and that I could've kept my mouth shut, but I just blew up, and blew it.

I think I'll give everyone a present next year, and sneak off to Vegas or something...

Was she using expired food or poultry that was out too long? Either way, you can't use it to serve your family. Hang in there.

now THAT'S ruining Christmas.

But apparently in your house, pointing out an error in judgement or lack of cleanliness is worse. Kind of weird, huh?

You pointed out an unsafe practice and paid the price, but please know that you did the right thing.

There are many people who will never touch soap to cast iron pans, carbon/steel cookware, or omelet pans once the pans have been "seasoned" with oil. In such cases you would clean the pan out with fresh oil and dry it with paper towel. Or you might rinse it out with plain water.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasoning_(cookware)

I'm not sure that your mother's habits are something that I would pick a fight over. Discuss, yes, fight, no.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/26/2013 02:06PM by summer.

+1

We don't have any pans like that. We only have regular stainless steel pans that need to be scrubbed.

The larger point is that not everyone cleans pans with soap and water. There are other ways of cleaning cookware.

I hope that you have the opportunity to live on your own before too long. I think that you would enjoy it. I was in my mid-40's before I lived on my own for the first time in my life (before that I had always had roommates or lived with family members.) When you live by yourself you can have everything just the way you like it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/26/2013 03:02PM by summer.

I know. & I already knew about seasoning a cast iron pan. But we don't have cast iron pans. We only have stainless steel.

Tristan, I'm genuinely sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Take care with your self-talk and don't repeat the things your family says about you.

Are you working on a plan to remove yourself from this situation? I know it may seem hopeless, but planning a way out can help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please reach out and let us help you brainstorm with you to figure out how you can get out on your own.