AmIdarknow's post made me wonder about this.

I know that there is more than these two choices, but to simplify it, do you think that generally a TBM woman would rather have a bad(as in selfish, non-attentive, etc) TBM husband, than a great not LDS spouse?

I'm not talking about single people, thoug it apleis there too. I'm talking about TBM women who are married to a great guy who is leaving the church. So they already have the rare great spouse.

I'm thinking that they have been conditioned to rather have less of a husband who is TBM, than a great one who isn't TBM.

In my life experience, professionally, neighbors, family, co-workers, etc. A really great guy who is loyal and attentive, with other great character traits is fairly rare.

I don't mean just the outward appearance at church, but people who I really know well enough to know if they are quality material or not, it's fairly rare to get the whole package.

But so often on here we hear stories about self-described(so take it with a grain of salt) great guys who were cast aside once they discovered the truth, and acted on it.

So in those cases, a spouse who knew that they had a 1 in a 1,000 type of guy, would rather go it alone and take their chances on one of the other 999 guys who are somewhere between abusive or just not that great, but is TBM.

As far as making great choices for yourself, that just isn't a good strategy for mate selection. The animal world does better on mate selection than that.

Being in a cult makes people see the world in maladaptive ways that just don't make sense.

From my masochistic reading of the LDS BabyCenter board, the answer certainly seems to be yes.

Women can't get to heaven w/out a TBM husband even if he's a bastard.

To turn the tables around, I always tried my best to be a very good wife and mother, but when I left the church, my husband dumped me, and remarried the VERY first woman he met online, less than 7 months after our divorce, IN the temple, as that was his main criteria.

I later learned he had married her unworthily, as he had withheld a bunch of money from me in the divorce and I had granted the temple divorce by saying "yes" to the question, "Is your spouse current in his financial obligations to you?", because at the time I had believed he was. I wanted things remain as civil as possible for the kids sake, and I do not hold grudges well either, they are pointless.

She could have been anyone, it was a HUGE slap in the face and it hurt. Who he married mattered not to him as long as he could get another wife sealed to him in the temple, and fast. I felt worthless and so easily replaceable it just really hurt. I cried the whole day he got married.

I am now 60, and those that know me would say I am nice looking ( please do not take that wrong but I want to make a point), not overweight, and look about 50. I hear it every day of my life. He had ALL the sex he ever wanted and more. If you question any of this ask Norma Rae, Jim Whitefield, Cludgie. They know me.

He married a large homely woman, 2 years older than me, whom I sure is very nice and I know is very TBM, but my friends in the old ward are just dying over who he chose. The point being she could have been anyone, any woman in this world became preferable to me because I was not longer believing. If he wanted to hurt me, he certainly succeeded.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2011 11:17AM by think4u.

That sounds a lot like what happened to my sister- Her ex-jackass hid money, made her out to be the crazy one, and remarried a Molly under less than a year. She's a million times better off, just as I bet you are.

I'm so sorry he did this to you.

Can you move out of Utah and start a new life someplce else where you don't have to be around Mormons every day? I'm sure that there are plenty of men who would love you for YOU!

His actions are NO reflection on you. You are so much better off without him.

At my niece's wedding the mormon speaker told the congregation that any man and woman can have a successful marriage as long as they are faithful to the church.

True love has nothing to do with mormonism. If the prophet told them that marrying a whippet would secure their entry into heaven, they would do it. I bet his new wife feels soooooo special!

I'm still in the middle of a divorce, but my TBM soon-to-be-exwife made it very clear that she would rather spend the rest of mortality alone rather than be married to me and risk having our hypothetical children exposed to my thoughts about TSCC.

As a TBM I believed that I would be rewarded for every sacrifice I made for "god" (which was really "chuch" but that is another topic)... I would not be surprised to find out that TBMs leaving unbelieving spouses believe that 1) they are doing the right thing 2) the sacrifice of forsaking a loving marriage for the sake of righteousness will mean a reward of an even better marriage in "this life or the next".

...and my mom's too. She maintains that NOTHING is more important than her marriage, and my dad he says the same thing.

Her church hates him. He was divorced and she was Catholic. She was a good Catholic too. They told her she was ex'ed and goin to hell if she married him.

OK, c'ya, she says........ She walked away from it without a backward glance.

And she would do it again.

As soon as my bro' got back from his mission, people were telling him about dreams they had where he was supposed to hook up with various "sweet spirits"--girls he had never seen in his life.

By some miracle he actually married someone that (I think) he fell in love with first.

Several years ago I flat out asked my TBM friend if she preferred her children to be single and happy; or married and very unhappy. Without hesitation--she preferred married and very unhappy. SO VERY SAD!!

You have no idea... I'm almot bursting to say something but I cant let any tbm that might know me know i'm on this board.

But I can tell you that most mromons would have thair child married to someone that wont love them just as long as they are married.

Yup and if they are bad and beating thair wives to death the wives think they will all be better in the next life not the men but the wives mroe accepting of thair fate.

My TBM friend is married to an atheist; he was an atheist when they married. They seem quite happy. I at first thought my friend must be a Jack (or Jill?) Mormon to be married to an atheist, let alone to a non-Mormon, but since then I've discovered she is pretty TBM--garments, the works. (Her husband is far from wealthy, by the way, and he's a very average-looking guy, so I don't think money or looks were a motivation for her to overlook his beliefs. She also has a college degree from a good university, while he has no college education.)

Her hubby, who claimed to me once in conversation that he believes "all religions are stupid," nonetheless will *passionately* defend Mormonism and Mormons as well as spout the usual false claims (LDS church gives more to charity than any other organization worldwide, Mormons are a horribly persecuted minority, etc.). He's also fine with their daughters being raised Mormon.

I once asked my friend how she would get to the CK without a Mormon husband, and she said that she will just offer him the gospel after he dies. So, maybe for some Mormon women that is enough.

Except that as long as he is a Mormon he will never be considered a bad spouse. Likewise, an unbeliever can never be considered a good spouse no matter what lengths he might go to be such. Mormon women aren't capable of determining whether their spouses are good or bad without the Mormon church's seal of approval.

I'm actually living that question right now. The mother of my daughter is a TBM, and while things have improved greatly between us there is still that stigma of me not being a mormon. We talk several times a day, and I try to be as supportive as I can, and show her that I'm a good person; hopefully for out daughters sake she'll open her mind to some new ideas.

I know that I am the exception here. Most TBM spouses outright divorce on the spot. My wife chose me. It's been about two years now. Nothing is ever certain in life, and things could still go south on me, but I don't think that will happen.

The credit doesn't really go to me. It goes to her for being smart enough to realize that it's possible to have high values and standards without being religious.

a "selfish, non-attentive" man in the mormon church is not a good member, how could be while being "selfish, non-attentive"? he might think he is, but his is not. a good man in the church cares more about his wife and family than he does for himself.

akbmc1952 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> a "selfish, non-attentive" man in the mormon
> church is not a good member, how could be while
> being "selfish, non-attentive"? he might think he
> is, but his is not. a good man in the church
> cares more about his wife and family than he does
> for himself.

I'm betting most bishops would fall under the category of selfish and non-attentive.

How much time do bishops spend attending to their wives and families compared to truly great spouses outside of the church?

So far (4 years) my wife has been able to get by on the belief that "the faith of the wife can sanctify the disbelieving spouse" or whatever the "scripshers" say. What kills her is that she doesn't have the built-in support system anymore, and with no family around and very few friends, she is depressed a lot.

So many thoughts--I gave up several nice nonmormon guys so I could be married in the temple FOREVER and most of you know who I married. What I've been through hasn't been easy, but the ONE THING I can say IS I would have stayed with him FOREVER. I didn't marry the first mormon who showed interest in me. I can honestly say I never met a mormon I wanted to marry until my ex (and then one I was dating at the same time--who was an ex-druggie). I found mormon men boring and full of themselves and they certainly didn't want a woman with a mind and a good job.

BUT I sacrificed a few really good chances at marriage for that TBM.

I regretted for some years--after he left--who I married, but, like I said, I would have stayed with him forever because I did and do love him. He is a quality individual and exceptionally intelligent--and he isn't rich in any fashion. After reading this board and seeing all the sh*t some people have been through, I CHOSE WISELY.

Just like I've said before--these women don't really believe in mormonism--as DW says above--the faith of a good wife blah blah blah.

I believed that, despite the fact my ex is gay and cheating, that if I endured, it would all be made right. I loved him. He was a good man and I was willing to take my chances.

And I have seen many a good little TBM woman give up a good non-believing man for a jerk and ended up divorced again and again and again.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2011 10:53PM by cl2.

Moot point. Little MIA maids are raised to believe that the only good hubby is a RM hubby. Not only are non-member husbands bad, non-RM husbands are bad too.

Ron

LDS women would rather share a bad spouse who is Mormon rather than have a good non mormon all to themselves...

I don't think that LD$ women really think they are making a sacrifice or choosing the lesser of two evils. I think they are so conditioned to accepting things as they have been taught to believe that they dont even realize how silly or terrible it is. After leaving the church and looking inside from the outside, but with an insiders knowledge, it is amazing what people tolerate as the "norm" and how crazy I was to be a believer for so long.