I've been having difficulty reconciling with my nearly all Mormon family. Part of it is that they were, and are, abusive, and I have PTSD from that, but a big part of it is they are all still TBMs.

This is a problem for me because I see Mormonism, especially Utah Mormonism, as pretty dangerous. My gay cousin Utah Mormon killed himself. I, as a bi-transwoman, have attempted suicide on multiple occasions, my first attempt being at 14 because I thought god hated me.

To me, I feel this need to "save the children!" so we don't end up with another one of us dead. But I've found I'm helpless to change the TBM's minds on the subject.

My therapist yesterday, suggested I stop talking to them because it's just going to hurt me right now and not accomplish anything. She thinks feeling helpless again is bad for me, because I feel this profound desperation to keep any other children from being brainwashed like I was.

I feel like a terrible person for even considering giving up, but everyone in my life seems to think it's what's best. I walk away from every conversation feeling hurt.

I guess my question for everyone else would be, have you had to make decisions about staying close to/cutting loose Mormon family members? How do you go about deciding?

Sweety, you need to take your therapist's advice and just walk away. While that is very difficult, you will be much healthier in the long run. Your family is toxic to you. I am so very sorry you have had to go through all of that abuse.

You are not helpless. You are a very strong woman who is also a survivor!! You are still here and you still care about other people and that says a whole lot about the kind of person that you are.

Yes, I walked away from my very TBM family because my father and stepmother abused me when I was growing up. I never had a close relationship with either of them nor with my two little brothers. I have been diagnosed with having PTSD in large part because of the beatings my father inflicted on me. It was hard, but I am much healthier and happier because I decided that I deserved to be treated better than that.

Take your power away from your family and reclaim it for yourself. You cannot save the children but what you can do is help those who have left, been kicked out because they are gay, find their way and restart their lives in a healthy way. Be there for them when they get out of the hell that their lives are. Aren't there shelters or homes for kids in your area? If not, maybe you could start one so they can have some sort of safe haven.

My oldest daughter is a very butch lesbian. I am so glad that I did not raise her in the morg and got her out of Utah when she was a little girl. She's attempted suicide twice in her life and thank goodness was not successful. She was sexually abused by her TBM father and has been diagnosed with PTSD. I divorced him and she now has no contact with him at all.

Wishing you much luck and sending you hugs.

Become as strong and hearty as possible and live a happy life, then be there for anyone who wants you as a support or sounding board.

You're a very good person.

Family is secondary.

If we figured things out, there is a good chance that at least some of them will. My evolution in the last 5 years is epic. The judgement is gone, the indoctrination is gone, it can happen. Truth always seems to find a way, its on your side. I wish you every happiness. You have patterns in your life that are tragic, maybe it is time to develop new ones, happy ones. Keep posting and let us know how you are. We want to know.

Do take care of yourself and work towards being all that you can be and want to be. You mentioned that you are working with a counselor so I think that means you place some trust in this person and their training. I would encourage you to follow your counselor's advice since he/she knows your situation. I realize this is hard because it goes against what you learned in the church but I think it would be in your best interest to give it a try as your family did not treat you well.

You are setting a great example to those children you care about by solving your problems and getting healthier and happier. Do not underrate how important this example is. This is how you are really helping those children.

Best of luck to you.

And please, if suicidal thoughts are still persistent, don't wait for outside changes to fix them. All of my best Buddhism, self-help books, exercise, and eating perfectly did not give me relief from that monster sitting on my head. Three weeks of the right medicine and poof--the thoughts are gone.

I've cut some TBMs out and others way back. I deal with a bit of guilt, but they are toxic and unlikely to change.

Yep, no worries on that score. Four types of different meds to keep myself from offing myself.

Sweetie, much as you care about the children in your extended family, your FIRST reponsibility is to yourself. When you stay healthy you will be there for those kids who have questions as they grow up and can come to you.

Take care! It is NOT giving up to simply wait for them to come to you when they need to, it is the ONLY way it will work!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/22/2014 07:32PM by fluhist.