I wonder if living my life would be easier if I hadn't been born in this church. I feel so restricted and scared all the time and all I want is to be free. I see how happy my friends are who never had to deal with this ridiculous religion, who don't have to go to church or seminary all the flipping time, who can freely do all the things I can't help but feel guilty for.

Mormonism has been beaten into my brain and it's not something I can just stop believing. I hate it so much and I feel trapped and I don't know what to do.

I feel the same way. It's ironic that for being a religion who preaches agency we are forced as kids to go. You sound like a young kid still at home (maybe I'm wrong) Hang in there and just know that it will get better, especially if you can study abroad, travel, work or go to school outside of Utah.

I'm 17 so yeah you're right haha. I moved away from Utah just over 3 years ago with my family and now I live in the sweet sweet south (actually no, sometimes it's worse here than in Utah). I plan to do a nannying thing in London in just over a year so I'm excited to leave and live my own life. It's just so difficult with all the thoughts from how this is wrong or that is wrong and I can't seem to escape from any of it.

Be glad that you're only 17 and discovering things. I am 37 (I could be the same age as your mom!) Nannying is hard work but good experience (at your age I was a nanny for my aunt and uncle in CA). If you save your $ from nannying you can use it to travel Europe! They have the train under the Channel that goes to France and from there you can stay in hostels and use the amazing public transportation system to backpack Europe! If you want to get your mind off of church crap, start reading travel books and come up with plans of what you want to do. You might feel trapped right now but, I envy you- in a short year the world will be your oyster! Good luck to you!!!

Hey there!

You and me both...how did the planets align that we had to be born Mormons...it's a question i'm always contemplating as well.

After my mission i realized it's not my fault and that just because you're born into a certain religion doesn't make it "true" in any way, shape or form.

If that was the case then extrapolating a Mormon's own logic it should also allow for the fact that anybody born into any religion means that their particular religion is "true" for them and so what's the point of sending missionaries out to tell them that ONLY Mormonism is true...just doesn't make sense does it.

But you are now at a point to take control of your own life and decide to not allow Mormonism to determine your future...go for it...and leave "Pleasantville" (great movie btw) behind for good as you make your own way and decisions.

Total excitement awaits you (unlike those still glued to Mormonism) as you discover your critical thinking skills and embrace the wonders of the world around you...all the Best!

Or so it seems to me...

I started thinking about the people who made this religious decision for me. I'm 5th generation.

They could barely read. They probably had about a 3rd grade education, if even that. They were superstitious, and had one job skill, and that was farming. They knew about farm animals. They knew almost nothing about human psychology.

They were kind and humble. They were poor and hardworking. They fell in with a cult and isolated themselves in Utah. This doomed their unborn family to Mormonism by the hundreds STILL! The 7th generation is coming on to the stage.

It will be interesting. The first generation in my family that was born into the world of computers and cell phones. It will be their normal. Will they be able to learn and break away? What extremes will the church go to in order to keep them in? Will the church succeed?

NOT if I have my way. I'm going to spend some time and put together a letter for the people who come along after me. My own kids are out, but I worry about some family member roping them back in. We are 100% cut off from them (our choice) for now. That could change though. I worry about that.

I want my future grandkids to know exactly WHY I left the mormon church. I certainly don't want to leave it up to speculating mormon family members to tell my story. They don't know it, because they won't talk about it.

I don't want them going online someday and saying they wish they hadn't been born in the church.

Family history journals that will actually be useful!

Ending the transgenerational dysfunction.. I think about this all the time. What can I do to stop this dysfunction from seeping down to the next generation..

I actually had this thought at work in 2008. I had just become inactive. I didn't express this thought out loud. I even felt bad about this thought. Years later, after reading all the posts here, I don't feel bad anymore. I actually feel validated that my thought is authentic and others agree with me.

My children were not born into the church. No blessing, no Primary, no baptism. Now, I can't believe I'm thinking or writing this, but I'm starting to get second thoughts... if they will feel bad on the other end-- not fitting in by NOT being a member?

The question is: who do they want to fit in with? As nonmormons, there is a whole world out there, so they can pick their spot instead of being restricted to one narrow group.

Yes! Thanks for reminding me. :) There's a whole world out there!

I'm one of those people who has had to make his own luck in life. I had the misfortune of being born into the ugliness and stupidity of Mormonism. Couple that with an a-hole father and you get one huge boulder in your path. I hear you.

One foot in front of the other.

Leave the Church now, don't be a NOM, Jack, fencesitter, or politician. Just leave, put it in the rear view mirror.

Saying, "I was born Mormon, but chose to leave." Can be empowering.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/23/2014 03:06AM by gentlestrength.

Sometimes I feel the same way. I've been an atheist for almost six years now, but not a single day passes that I don't get a little scared, and start doubting myself and everything I know. I've spent years studying this topic, reading the bible and BoM, praying, even listening to youtube videos (TheAmazingAtheist, anyone?). After all the arguments that I agree with, I still feel the cold claw of mormonism gripping my heart and holding me back.

I was thinking that this morning. I used to be glad I was born in the covenant, but this morning I was thinking what it would have been like to grow up without all that.

I think about how different my life would have been if I wasn't born into a Mormon family. I would probably live outside of Utah in a "Normal" community. So much would be different, but I can't change the past. I can only change the future. I'm so happy that I broke free. My children are being raised as non-Mormons, and they know enough about Mormonism that they avoid it like the plague. I broke the chain for my future family, and that's the best that I can do.

I wish I hadn't been born and raised Mormon, either... but like others have said, you can't change the past. All you can do is be happy you wised up and left the cult. Just be glad that you've already figured it out at such a young age. I was 52 when I finally realized that it was a pile of crap. You have your whole life ahead of you - and in a year, you can live in Mormonism-free. What a gift!!

I stopped going at 15. Once you are out on your own, so much of that fear and such will subside. At middle age I can't even relate to, or remember being Mormon. It's your life, live it on your terms.

I remember feeling that way too, as I struggled for years to deal with a few foolish LDS people I'd trusted and hurtful, hard knocks that came my way during and after a mission.

After 15 years, years in which I felt like you did--why did I have to remember the people and commitments and the promises and the good memories and feelings I couldn't ever quite forget or run from... I finally prayed for peace and hope (with the help of anger and alcohol and fear I hadn't ever prayed during those years). Answers truly came. Peace returned. Of that I sincerely promise you. I know Jesus Christ lives. I have felt Him in ways undeniable. Pray to your Father and he will answer you. He is a Father of peace, not of anger, of love, not vitriol and vindictiveness. His love and blessings will return. His arms are outstretched to each of us still. Even if it takes you some time too.

Peace, good will, and love to you friend. I do not judge you or others dealing with the kind of very real pain and disappointment which hurt me deeply for years. People can fail and hurt you, but the Lord Himself will never abandon you. Fools can ridicule and speak venom, but divine love does exist and will be yours again.

I know what you mean. I've resigned, and today the thought still flashed across my mind that I don't like being Mormon. Wish I'd been raise something else (never mind the technicality that I'm not Mormon anymore)