I was told by the temple officiator that my marriage would fail because I planned on keeping my maiden name, AND I planned on having a ring ceremony at the reception, so that my parents could be part of our wedding.
Well, our marriage hasn't failed--through no thanks to the LDS church.
Neither has it grown, because of the ever-present herd of church elephants, including, but not limited to: the pay-to-view marriages of our oldest children (my steps); the constant allegiance to Mormon underwear, rather than physical closenss; the commandment to attend Sacrament Meeting on Sundays, which has eroded the only day we could have kept open for family outings; the passive-aggressive learned behaviors of so many TBMs, and especially TBM priesthood holders--behaviors that DH has mastered.
So we made it, 25 years. But we share no dreams, have no passion, don't talk, don't touch, don't discuss anything difficult, don't sleep in the same bedrooms, don't have any kind of intimacy, don't really know what is going on in each other's lives, don't share the load. But we made it.
Wow - you proved them wrong but it sounds like it cost you. Mormonism is brutal on marriages - both by it's flawed teachings about what constitutes a good marriage and then by putting demands on the couple that make closeness to each other unnecessarily difficult. Your post was dead-on accurate to what I see among my LDS friends who've been married as long as you. We are approaching 20 years and the years since leaving the church, even though DH isn't completely out, just inactive, have been the best years of our marriage. I'm a complete believer that Mormonism is a handicap rather than a help to marital bliss.
Even for marriages like what you described, sometimes I think a divorce would be much more costly (monetarily and emotionally) than staying together as housemates. Unless one of you has disposition to search for another spouse.
The officiator merely reflected LDS thought that women must be completely submissive for the marriage to work. That's so poisonous.
A TBM woman in my extended family ended her loveless marriage of 30 years to her TBM husband several years ago, and has never been happier. She had seen another loveless TBM marriage in the family end with the wife's suicide, and realized that she was in danger of ending that way also.
Yes, it was hard on her financially. Her children supported her emotionally. She got her first job and she is enjoying life. And she has reconnected with an old college boyfriend.
It can be done. Life is too precious to waste in fear or unhappiness, even though it may feel safe.
Your story could be mine with one exception. It has been well over 4 decades for me. These last 9 years in separate bedrooms and with separate beliefs but with children and grandchildren in common.
I'm one of the statistics.
If I were younger I would bail. Even my close friends who's husbands have passed feel a sense of relief that they can be their true selves now without the priesthood power held over their head in marriage.
The elephant in my room no longer enjoys attention. It has been discarded to a corner by a window and covered with a blind. That is one way to keep peace at this late hour.
Sad. However, there is so much humor about the church it entertains me and keeps things in perspective. Thank goodness I can laugh and this board sure has its moments for that!
Good for you. I hope you had a chance to tell the temple idiot they were dead wrong...to their face. The attitude of TBM's is so hurtful and destructive.