Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: October 20, 2014 03:25AM
Oh, I am crying for you! (((hugs)))
Don't let the Mormons ruin your happiness and ruin your self-worth! The purpose of shunning is to make you feel so unpopular and alone and unhappy, that you come crawling back to the cult. Mormons shun to break you down. Sometimes, they shun to get back at you for rejecting their precious religion. Any way you look at it, shunning is abuse!
Please understand, and try to not take it personally--even in your own family. Shunning is Mormon standard operating procedure, and they do it to everyone, not just to you. You know that they even do it to each other, because you say that those Mormon families have torn themselves apart by being mean to each other.
These are your children's in-laws, and not your immediate family, right? Is there a way you can separate your own family, and become firm in establishing your own traditions and authority, in a reasonable, loving way?
I would advise you to be assertive, set your boundaries, and STAND YOUR GROUND. Hobbies are great, but maybe you don't want to retreat to the library or golf course on your grandchildren's birthdays.
I assume you are a man, and head of your household. The Mormons are trying to out-rank you because you no longer have the priesthood. I hope you believe, as do I, that LOVE is stronger than any authoritarian rules. Be the patriarch of the family. Instead of leaving money to your kids, spend your money on family outings, such as ski trips, movies, Disneyland, and whatever else they like. Invite them to dinner the day before or after the Special Holiday, and if you can't cook, bring in pizza and a decorated bakery cake. Do this once a month, or a few times a year, whatever seems best for you.
I hesitate to give you real advice, because I'm afraid of the Mormons. I've read too many stories about children disowning parents, parents disowning children, and of course all the divorces--scary stuff!
You are used to being half of a couple, and it is rough to try to keep your home together with all this drama going on. I'm sorry you lost your spouse. Plus, you are having to adjust to retirement. Your children need a slap upside the head--not just the in-laws, but your own children for not putting a stop to the gossip.
Still, you don't want to get between husband and wife.
Your in-laws might be very jealous of you and your house and inheritance. Coveting is a sin in the Bible, because it does hurt people. Since you can't undo your successful career, and don't want to burn down your house or give away all your money right now--what else can you do? They are probably jealous of the LOVE between you and your grandchildren. Maybe the grandchildren constantly rave about you, or naively say they have more fun with you. Jealous people have to swallow their own bile, and you should not alter your life to try to please them.
My daughter's husband's TBM family can bad-mouth me all they want, and make snide jokes about my ex-Mormon sons, and one of my daughters-in-law who is of another culture, but if any of us say anything at all to any of them, they take it the wrong way and make a stink about it, and accuse us of being a bad influence on the grandchildren. They are looking for drama! Remember, the Prophet himself has accused and labeled apostates as followers of Satan. Long story short, I sometimes say "hello" and maybe talk about the weather. But, they have won. They still have shut me up, completely, and I don't exist in their little world. They are in control. The man is a chauvinist, and I'm nothing but a single divorced woman. They own all the holidays--even summer vacation--and Sundays, bla-bla. But I LOVE my daughter and her children, and they love me. I refuse to say one bad thing about anyone, ever. I refuse to act rude. (except for venting here--sorry.) All we can control is our own behavior.
The poster is right, that you don't want to make all this about Mormonism. This is all about preserving your good relationship with your own children (no matter who they married) and with your innocent grandchildren.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2014 03:39AM by forestpal.