Posted by:
cricket
(
)
Date: October 30, 2014 01:43AM
AP - Salt Lake City
Thomas Monson surprised most faithful Mormons and himself by finally receiving his "Initial" revelation. Yes, this being Monson's first revelation coincidentally was all about the eternal significance of one's own initial.
"This saith the Lord, I being a socially minded deity have noticed how much more spiritual and special my servants, the apostles and first presidency are who have an initial in front of their middle name.
Yea, verily, my servant L. Tom Perry is my current favorite with M. Russell Ballard and D. Todd Christopherson clicking right up his clacker.
For behold, when stopping by the Judgement Bar for socializing and sipping some sacramental wine with my servant buddy, J. Reuben Clark we love to gossip about B. Gordon Hinckley and his eternal shopping spree at the Sky Mall of Kolob.
Thus saith Me again, no new members of the Quorum of the Twelve shall heretofore be called unless they have an initial preceding their middle name.
Thus, to set mine house in order I, the Lord your God shall be known upon the records of the Church and in the online scriptures as H. Jesus Christ.
Yea beware, those who defile my name by swearing in anger, 'Jesus H. Christ' rather than mine new name H. Jesus Christ shall be cast down to hell to burn along side L. Ucifer, yea, even Satan."
The following current servants of H. Jesus Christ signed their names in support the this revelation:
S. Tom, K. Boy, L. Tom, H. Dal, M. Russ, B. Hen, G. Ric, D.Rob, R. Jeff, A. Dav, L. Que, D. Tod, L. Nei, F. Die.