Hello all, I've been lurking exmos for almost 9 months now and this will be my first post.

So I though why not introduce myself to all you awesome people. Im 26 years old from Melbourne, Australia. BIC with heavily indoctrinated (simple minded) family. Inactive since I was 18 which funnily enough was a result of my own guilt towards not feeling worthy to receive the Milk-his-dick priesthood.

These feelings of guilt stemmed from the obvious young man issues of jacking off and girls. One day in my 'unworthyness' I recalled my dad telling me once that in the temple when you take out your endowments you received a new name, so I though "hell wont hurt to see what kind of names people got" and id some research...

As most of you can understand I was confronted with a huge wave of anger and hatred at what I had learned, not only did people not receive 'adamic' sacred heavenly names (seriously Fred & Ethel??) but I was completely shocked to find out that people used to practice blood atonement, semi-naked body cleansing and were forced to agree to things and make convenants before they knew what exactly they were agreeing too, oh and Pay Ley Ale -_-

This completely destroyed my entire view of the church and made me concerned that people like my parents who swallowed this crap hook line and sinker. Milk before meat indeed, I never knew anything about JS polygamy and nothing about half of them being under the age of 18 including a 14 year old, I never knew about the kinderhook plates, the mountain meadows massacre, JS ordering the destruction of the printing press for publishing the truth about him, never knew both JS and BY made prophecies about the moon and its inhabitants or even the fact that JS was a known crook and con-man before he invented the church...

Too late now, Ive gone too far down the rabbit hole, its not all bad though, I have a beautiful never-mo wife and a 2 year old daughter. My biggest concern, and ive felt this way since I learned the truth, is the well being of the rest of my family, so lost in ignorance... I find it so difficult not to grab each of them by the ears and scream 'WAKE UP, YOUR BEING LIED TO'.

So a question, how have you fellow exmos dealt with this issue??

I did me mission in Queensland from ninedean semdy fore to ninedean semdy six (1974-76.) Worked all the way from Coolangatta in the south to Mackay in the north. One of my companions was from Melbourne. Hey, maybe he's your dad. :-)

How do we ex-mos deal with this? The longer you're out of the church, the easier it gets. If your wife and kids were never involved, it's much easier. Just live your new life, and consider your Mormon life a lesson learned.

haha thanks randy, unfortunately dad served his mission in Manila, Philippines in 1980 - 82 but oddly enough my parents moved to Cleveland south of Brisbane 2 years ago, based on dad's magical feelings that he should move there... now they dont have money for a house and stuck renting in their mid 50s with 2 teenage sons still at home :P

I spent my last four months on the Gold Coast. My flat was in Burleigh Heads, right across the highway from Koala National Park. Stunningly beautiful area. We knocked on doors from Surfer's Paradise to Tweed Heads.

We used to go Brisbane for missionary conferences etc. Once, we stopped in Yatala for some famous Yatala pies. I didn't think they were any different from any other pies.

I was also stationed in the Clayfield and Newfarm areas of Brisbane.

We got out of the church when I was 42. Maybe your folks will see the light someday.

Life is bliss when you know nothing about stuff. Life is a bitch when you have to learn about things and find that you have been lied to. Or, in your case, you we being set up to be lied to in the worst way.

So greetings from The Southern States, USA, not near as lovely as Australia. I'm more surprised that Australians:

- use the term "jacking off," and
- know who Fred and Ethel are.

Mormons have not used the whole "pay-lay-ale" thing since 1990, and, after a lawsuit, quit touching people's naked bodies. But on the bad side, they still believe that Joseph Smith was a pure-minded and saintly martyr, and that the Book of Mormon is at least "truthy."

You are a lucky, lucky man not to have an LDS wife. You are right to worry about your family. They say that truth will out, but...

Yeah I have been hearing that things are stiring in the masses from some of these new essays but id imagine people like my convert mother will plug her ears with her fingers and hum 'praise to the man' until it all blows over, or it all comes crashing down around her (one can only hope) my Father would be more inclined to leave if he wasnt so scared of my mother, he even once said to me, "maybe your the smart one"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2014 09:03PM by theredthirst.

That's a really good sign, with your father. :)

I so want to rescue all my relatives too, but my mother started a smear campaign really early and has let all my relatives know I am a horrible sinner. I doubt they would listen because they all already "know" I left because I "wanted to sin". Which is bullshit, but after being accused of heinous acts since I was 10, I figured I'd already been doing the time, might as well see what the crime itself was all about. Which of course feeds right back into the rumors about me...

Encourage your dad's confidence in you however you can.
Are you a big brother those teens look up to? Showing you are not a bad person even without the church seems to go a long way, and I am banking on being the "cool relative" to hopefully get some nieces and nephews out.

Good luck! We don't tend to see a lot of success with extended family rescues, but it is always a good day to hear another marriage survived an apostacy, I think it goes 50/50 divorce and acceptance, but we don't hear everybody's story.
So glad you don't have a mormon spouse. :)

Thanks Winks, yeah Im the oldest of 5 (2 sisters, 2 brothers) and im really close with my brother (older of the 2), we talk a few times a week but hes very shy and socially awkward so the church is all he knows.

He still looks up to me but i feel like my youngest brother loathes me as shown by the constant pro-mormon facebook posts, this hurts me the most as he has no idea what the world is really like and my wife and I think he might be gay, but id doubt hed even admit it to himself

As for my father hes very shy too and always uncertain about himself, something which I feel my mother preys on a bit, he will drop one liners like that but wouldnt think to look deeper as he fears what it might mean for the family

American TV is huge in Australia. When I was there in the mid-'70s, they set a goal to have 25% of programming generated from Aussie producers. Most of the shows were American sitcoms like Happy Days, MASH, All in the Family, etc. The funny thing was, Australia got the previous year's episodes. So when I'd be in somebody's house and the TV was on, they'd be watching an episode that I'd already seen the previous year at home.

Welcome. I'm so glad you have a never-mo wife. That helps.


You might need to just accept that your extended family wants to believe. They might possibly think your wife led you astray. They may question your "standards" (laughable since the church's standards are low when it comes to truth, honesty and evidence especially). They are programmed to villainize you in some way to justify you leaving. That can hurt.

You may decide to confront your family with your apostasy. You may eventually work out an agreement not to talk about religion.


There have been many ways people have worked this out. There is no right way.


The hardest part is realizing the "family" church is extremely divisive. It's only about family if everyone plays along. It holds the family hostage.

Good luck. Be proud of yourself for seeing through it so young.

thanks dagny, yeah my mother holds that against my wife all the time, truth is my falling away from the church started long before her and I were serious but she'd rather blame someone else than think I was smarter than her

Good on you for finding out the truth now, before you waste the time and money your parents have. As your life away from your parents develops you will become even more aware that your life will be happier after the guilt and indoctrination of the church has disappeared. If you haven't already, you should consider resigning from the church so you won't have to deal with future contact from the church.

Your parents don't need to be a part of every decision you make. If they are giving you grief, continue to distance yourself.

Finally, I served in the Melbourne mission a decade ago. You live in place where you can definitely be free from the church. Enjoy the opportunity and don't look back.

Awesome ALGuy I probably met you once if you served in Melbourne ;) I've thought about resigning but wasnt sure if the church informs your family members or not, does this happen? I dont want to stir the pot if I can avoid it...

Mate, I live in box hill.. I have a poker night with my exmo friends, a mission companion and a few odd sods once a month. I'm easy to find.

Wife and 3 kids walked out of Doncaster ward recently. Happily resigned now

B0yd

down the rabbit hole, your climbing out. As the only exmo among my 7 siblings, the only advice I can give is the same advice I would give to someone who just got a divorce. Be happy! The best revenge is to be happy. Others will see that you are happy and that life did not fall apart when you left but rather, got better.

Good luck my friend!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2014 10:00PM by Ihidmyself.

Thank, Oliver isnt a bad name, in fact its the name we were thinking of if we have a boy for our second child (at least its on the list anyway) ;) Ill keep that in mind, I try to make a point to not get angry with my parents as I know theyll just use that as on "oh your only mad cos you left"

I just sent my resignation in last week and am waiting on my confirmation in the mail. The church shouldn't directly notify your family, but the matter would likely be referred back to your bishop for paperwork processing thus they may find out if the bishop or stake president is loose lipped.

I only suggest resignation so that you will avoid future reactivation efforts by the missionaries or home teachers. In my experience these efforts only reopen wounds. Better to bite the bullet now, because your family will always make sure the church has your current contact information.

In Victoria I was in the Caulfield, Epping, and Geelong wards. Spent the rest of the mission in Tasmania.

Ok fair enough, in that case I should be fine as my parents moved from the ward I grew up in to live in Queensland so they should be none the wiser then ;)

Yeah I grew up in the Melton ward which is a little north of Geelong in the western suburbs



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2014 10:08PM by theredthirst.

They want to change you, and you want to change them. Maybe we ought to respect each other's freedom.

We all do stupid stuff. If you were to list all your activities, I would tell you how you are wasting time and money.

I will also suggest we are all involved in scams. If you apply your same skepticism to all areas of your life, you will learn that much of your life is based on lies and deceit.

Almost have to practice willful ignorance to stay motivated.

Thanks Free Man, Id say that this experience has definitely made me focus more on the hard facts of life around me, I tend to look at life more scientifically now than theologically, id say its definitely for the better

P.S. can I call you Gordon, one of my favourite videogame characters is 'Gordon Freeman' :P

BTW- you are in a similar position to me. I am married to a non-member and have 3 young sons. I would not want my sons to treat their wives the way JS or BY treated their wives. I have to give my boys a better standard to follow. I think it is presumptuous for the church to present itself as a defender of morals/values when it admits that it was founded on questionable principles.

I agree, the whole Patriarchal mindset that what the father says goes as hes the head of the house, bullsh!t, would rather be in a loving partnership with someone as equals than a dominant leader, very backwards

Did your thirst for things red make you choose a similarly colored pill and see things clearly?

Haha not really, the meaning behind the name is a reference to a Warhammer 40k army (its a tabletop game with plastic miniatures) But nice Matrix referance ;) never picked up on that when I made the post haha