In my singles' ward days a friend wanted to rent "Porky's." We dared and double-dared each other to see which of us would rent the VHS at the video store. Finally, the two of us went together--the clerk didn't even look at us.

After we started watching the disgusting humor, neither one of us could stop laughing. Later, one of us dropped an f-bomb. It was the beginning of a life-long habit for me. Boner.

u?

Are you trying to make fun of illiterate 13 year olds?

Please stop, it's annoying enough when the stupid kids do it.

Your whining is more annoying.

ASteve Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> u?
>
> Are you trying to make fun of illiterate 13 year
> olds?
>
> Please stop, it's annoying enough when the stupid
> kids do it.

=====================================================
Aw, come on. You the Keyboard Cop?

Silly thing to get riled about.
Some folks have good reasons *4* using shortcuts like that.

Like me. No opposable thumbs.

Anyhow, the kids aren't stupid. They're just taking advantage of the fact that the toys are so much cooler now than when their parents were their age!

Oh my heavens! These kids today with their rap and their shaved privates. I hear they're even starting to leave out the hyphen on "to-day" and "to-morrow". Our language is doomed.

You are joking about the hyphens, right?

No joke. If you watch old movies or cartoons, you will see them hyphened.

Ya, in my early exmo days I worked as a waiter ( ok bartender) during my post graduate studies, it was a pretty hip place ( god knows how I worked there) and I used to serve all sorts of troubled mormon youth

a remarkable coincidence, but my home ward bishop was on my return flight home from my mission...i'd decided against wearing my suit from the mission, opting for slacks, white shirt, tie, and a pullover sweater.

bishop's first words after greeting me, were, "why no suit?"

i wasn't ashamed...i couldn't stand wearing those suits even one more day.

I was busted by a RS Prez when I was 21. Her hubby was looking at my legs in my knee-length dress. She told me that my then fiancé was going to get "the wrong message" about me.

Little did she know that my fiancé was just FINE with my legs:)

RMM

Renting horror movies that were non-rated (& equal to an NC-17). This was in the '90s.

I was "counseled" in public by a then-recent convert for not wearing a white dress shirt to the Los Angeles Temple. He's very lucky I didn't "counsel" him later amongst his peers for sharing his bed with a perpetual con-artist/grifter right before he left on a mission. I'm still not convinced their bed-sharing was all G-rated.

Yes. I was 19, home from my first year at college, and kissing my boyfriend. I had my hand up the back of his shirt a little, and was touching his bare skin. *GASP!*
My parents' friend saw us, was scandalized, and told my parents. My mother then gave me a lecture about appropriate touching outside of marriage, and gave my boyfriend a lecture about not doing anything that would "hurt" me.

At the grocery store at 1:00am buying a beer (one bottle) to mix with water to give to a baby with colic. My mother suggested mixing an ounce of beer with water to sooth gas and help our baby sleep. Ran into the bishop's wife (what the hell was she doing shopping at 1:00am). In any case, she looked at me, looked at the beer, and started to speak. I expected a snarky.

Instead she said "I bet you have a baby with colic. I used the same approach. Call me if I can help." God bless her!

We faced that problem every Sunday after church. My JackMo hubby loved to take the whole damn family out for Sunday dinner at an all you can eat buffet each week. With all the coupons and discounts we dug up, it was a bargain meal that filled everybody up for the day.

I didn't have any problem with "breaking the sabbath." It got me out of cooking. But you should have seen the shocked faces of ward members who wandered in on a fairly regular basis. They'd see us and immediately get that deer-in-the headlightslook.

Then the whole meal turned into a duck and dodge game around the restaurant. I always wanted to yell "boo" when I caught one of 'em coming around the corner with a plate of food. Good times.

hee hee.

;o)

shannon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> They'd see
> us and immediately get that deer-in-the
> headlightslook.


Haha, that reminded me of seeing mormons "sneaking" into or out of the "adult couples" closed off section of a local video rental store back in Arkansas. The video store was a locally owned regular movie rental place, but they had a separate room with porn that was labeled "for adult couples only."

There used to be a video store near the downtown area that had the adult section in the basement.

Now, there was one time when someone I recognized from RS saw me at the local Target buying coffee. She grabbed her kids and walked away in the opposite direction so that they wouldn't be corrupted by the evil container I had.

After leaving the church for a number of years, I saw and talked with my former SP's wife and I had four bottles of wine in my cart. Hey, it was cool and we talked about the kids and what they are doing now. Nice lady.

A righteous ward member saw me sipping my first beer at a non Mormon wedding in a city park. My father was immediately informed. "I can't believe," he said, "that I have a fourteen-year-old alcoholic for a son."

Shortly after I joined the Morg, the ward mission leader's wife busted me drinking a cold Coke on a very hot summer day. She said, "You haven't been a member very long, so you probably don't know that Coke is contrary to the Word of Wisdom." I thanked her, poured out the rest of the can, and went on my way. I still didn't give up drinking Coke, though. A few months before leaving for my mission, the bishop's wife busted me drinking a Sprite. She said the same thing as the ward mission leader's wife, although with a bit of a self-righteous "tone" in the way she spoke. At this point, I stated to her that A) there is no caffeine in Sprite, and that B), Sprite is neither coffee nor tea. If I hadn't been trying to go on a mission in order to get my then-girlfriend to marry me, I would have added C), mind your own goddamned business.

She was probably one of those crazy "sugar is against the WoW" believing people. We had some of those in my old stake when I was growing up.

I WAS that person who went around judging everyone else for their perceived shortcomings. I caught people smoking, kissing, drinking - and it made me feel good because I thought I was better than them (I was an insecure Molly No Mates).

I had an awkward and funny encounter once, a very long time ago, when I worked in the advertising & PR department of a Nevada hotel-casino. I happened to run into several people from my childhood ward (i.e. parents of my childhood friends) as they walked into the casino. It was all quite innocent. They were on a bus tour to Southern California and the group had stopped in for a meal break on their journey. Still, I got the feeling those folks were embarrassed to be seen there. They were probably also a little shocked that I was working there.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2014 05:52AM by escapedfromzion.

While home teaching a RS presidency leader she came out of her bedroom wearing a t-shirt and some short shorts and she had a guy laying in her bed. Lol, good for her. Wish I could've been the guy.

The bishop's wife pulled up next to my Firebird in her massive Mormon Assault SUV at a stoplight just as I was taking a pinch of snuff. I got a super stink eye, but never heard any more about it.

Our home teacher saw me buying a thong at Kohl's.

I spent about 2/3 of a semester at Southern Virginia University (Biggest Mistake of my life, but at the time they were handing out scholarships like candy and I got a 28 on my ACT so I said fuck it and went) I did a shitload of acid my friend emailed to me, freaked out, called 911, and the security guard picked it up on his radio I guess. I had to call the bishop to take me the 20 miles home from that town where Washington and Lee University is. The whole experience is still really jarring in my mind, like any bad experience on pysolocibin hallucinogens. I was already at the university on a 'probationary' status since I had to clean up a bunch of things with a bishop to get my ecclesiastical endorsement to go there (it's like the liberal arts BYU of the east, with all the unfortunate rules) and I had already been caught smoking once (out of like 700 times) and had been drinking like every weekend.

Anyways, I got a call from the dean of students and my dorm captain or whoever it was that I had to leave asap, fortunately I had family only a few hours away. It was still preetty emberassing, and in a lot of ways, traumatic. That was just one step in many on my way out to being an exmo. I had major, major drug problems aside from the ones described here, and I blamed the church for a long, long time for them.

So I dunno if anyone can top that :D

*Sorry I meant "mailed". like literally mailed blotter acid dropped on blotter paper.

One Sunday, after church, (I was divorced and on my own at the time) I had to go grocery shopping, and I had absolutely NO scruples about doing necessary things on the sabbath. When you work a 40+ hour work week, and have only the weekend to clean your house, do your laundry, catch up on shopping, spend time with your kids, whatever - you have TWO days to do it all, and Sunday is one of them.

Anyway, I ran into the also-divorced mother of a couple of 11-year-old twin girls whose Sunday school class I taught. (I forget what they were called in those days.) Anyway, the girls giggled and said in a pseudo-reproachful way, "Sister Catnip! You're shopping on SUNDAY!" I looked first in one direction and then the other, as if fearful of being spied upon, and said to them, in a stage whisper, "I won't snitch if YOU don't!" All of us burst out laughing, and fortunately, their mother wasn't any more worried about it than I was.

Nobody ever snitched, and we remained good friends until I had to move away a couple of years later.

My next door neighbor got divorced around the same time I did, and we were a good support for each other. Both of us were as innocent and TBM as we could be. We were careful to avoid the appearance of evil, but we knew about the gossip. She had a harder time than I did, because she had grown up in our ward, and the ward members said that she was to blame for her husband's affair. (?)

We were the talk of the Mormon neighborhood, because someone saw us playing with the beach balls at the grocery store, and indulging in loud laughter, and acting juvenile. We had to think back about two years, to figure out where the rumor began. A young mother with several little kids was in the grocery store, and one of the kids broke a barrier, which held beach balls as high as the ceiling. The balls came bouncing down everywhere, and we took pity on the mother, who was frantically trying to stop this from happening, so we helped her gather up the balls. The balls were so bouncy, there were so many of them, and we had to scramble so much, that we started laughing.

My neighbor was left with 5 children, and I had several. We didn't have jobs, our husbands quickly married someone else, and refused to pay alimony or child support, so we had to hire attorneys. We were afraid of losing our homes. This was a very rough time for both of us, yet we had a reputation of playing around. We were younger than most of the ward wives, and the wives thought we were after their husbands--unattractive, chauvinistic, polyester, Mormon-garment wearers--ugh--as if!

So, even if you aren't "busted", the Mormons will make up lies about you.