The author had contacted us for info. It is now available:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/01/01/your-husband-is-definitely-gay-tlc-s-painful-portrait-of-mormonism.html

LMAO!!!

From the article:

"But the church’s current handbook for gay members, God Loveth His Children, certainly tries hard to make it seem like a hopeful course of action. This pamphlet takes an even gentler tone, referring to “same-gender attraction” as a “challenge” that can be dealt with by remaining celibate and “fill[ing] your spiritual garden with good seed.” Perhaps filling something up with seed is not the best metaphor to use for gay men who want to suppress their perfectly natural urges, but that’s neither here nor there."

-------------

All joking aside, the article was a scathingly thorough exposé into the "Stubbornly homophobic Mormon religion". Bravo!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/01/2015 12:35PM by wine country girl.

“fill[ing] your spiritual garden with good seed.” Perhaps filling something up with seed is not the best metaphor to use for gay men who want to suppress their perfectly natural urges....

No, probably not. But what do they know anyway?

Not shit. Who writes that stuff? I know the lawyers review it, but geez!

Too much.

<<The handbook also dodges the question of whether or not homosexuality is inborn. In a 2009 interview, Church apostle Dallin H. Oaks held that the Church “does not have a position” on that point.>>

Why don't they ask God or Jesus whether homosexuality is inborn? They would know, right?

<<As Randy wrote, “I guess this speaks to the church not really having a place for gay people so getting married is still implicit.”>>

Not only does it not have a place for gay people, it also has no place for unmarried adults of any sort.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> <>
>
> Why don't they ask God or Jesus whether
> homosexuality is inborn? They would know, right?

they should have asked Boyd KKK.... I know he has an opinion on that

Topping. Fantastic article critizing the church.

There is a comment, "I wonder how they would treat a member who tithed in 7 figures".

Fantastic!

Actually I think it was David B. Haight (Or maybe Oaks I can't find it right now) a few years ago in a conference talk mentioned homosexuality and questioned if people were born that way. Then immeadiately said "why would he do that" But it's only in the audio version the printed version was edited out.

Samantha Allen did a great job of showing that the pretend friendliness of the Mormon Church toward gays is much more insidious than the previous blatant exclusion, torture and bigotry. At least that was an honest stance by the church.

So nice to see a piece done where the journalist didn't just parrot the church's position.

Indeed...

I also like how she didn't resort to the old saw "Mormons are some of the best people I know, but..."

Really nice article ... well written. Thanks Eric. I wondered how that all turned out.

Shannon ;o)

This makes me sick on so many levels. I don't care how much these wives put on the happy face, there is emotional pain. Been there, done that.

I sent the link to my very TBM brother (former bishop, presently on a senior mission with his TBM wife) who came out as gay a couple of years ago, was excommunicated and ultimately rebaptized. He was very active in the LBGT Mormon community.

He was offended that I sent it to him. He assured me that he knows almost all of the men in the show, and they really are happy, and so are their wives. And the church is not harmful.

It's great to be gay and Mormon. (not his exact words)

RPackham Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I sent the link to my very TBM brother (former
> bishop, presently on a senior mission with his TBM
> wife) who came out as gay a couple of years ago,
> was excommunicated and ultimately rebaptized. He
> was very active in the LBGT Mormon community.

No need to answer if you feel its not my business, but what exactly was your brother ex'd for? Was it actual homosexual relations or just for stating he was gay? Or was he trying to push some kind of pro-gay agenda in the church?

I'm just curious because today the church, or at least its members, claims you can still be gay and active in the church as long as you don't act on your "urges." If it was just for coming out, how does he reconcile the fact that he was ex'd for not doing anything wrong? How does he reconcile the fact that the church keeps changing its tune on the gay issue?

I don't know the exact reason he was ex'ed, but my impression it was because he "succumbed to temptation." My impression also is that it was only once or twice.

I produced and directed a documentary on gay mormons and their struggles with living an authentic life, given the obstacles presented by mormonism.

I hope this accurate portrayal of the costs the subjects I followed sheds some light on the subject.

http://youtu.be/fzkrXfCgHEg

At last a truthful article on the reality of Mormon church homophobia in its current manifestation.
The church is full of cunning disreputable leaders whose job it is to deceive the public.
They are past masters at it. Utter scum.

Hmmmmmm......looks like the shit storm is coming early this year.

Maybe the church will buy advertising during the TLC programming slot. They did with the Book of Mormon play.

This article turned out very well and was sympathetic and understanding.

She did a great job of hitting the points that bother me the most, like the women not feeling attractive, about Oaks saying that if they have repented and find themselves falling in love with a daughter of God that in that circumstance they can marry.

If I were on fb anymore, I'd link it. I do know a few people I'm going to send it to, though.

Speaking of feeling unattractive. Maybe I shouldn't post this . . . I always felt unattractive as a teenager. I was TALL and felt gawky, though I was extremely thin. If that wasn't enough, I worked on my dad's farm and we were all extremely thin (not that we didn't have plenty of food to eat, as we did). But I got a job with a bunch of men and they all loved me, and they built my self-esteem up. And I finally felt like an attractive woman. My ex's gay friends always asked him, 'How'd you get her?!?!?" The bishop of the ward pointed out to many people many times how attractive I was and why the hell wasn't I married? My picture in my wedding dress is beautiful. He was DAMN lucky to get me for many reasons. But my self-esteem had already taken a blow and when I found out he was cheating, I started to gain weight. He even told me once that he wouldn't have left me if I hadn't gained weight because he knew I'd never go out looking for someone at the weight I was. And I got big. And I didn't care. (Did I really just say that, of course I cared. I cried and cried over this very thing--and I'm crying now.) But I hibernated. I've lost quite a bit of weight now, need to lose some more, but I do feel much better about myself nowadays. My boyfriend isn't perfect (drives me nuts some days), but he knew me "when." And he does make me feel good about myself. I actually buy myself nice clothes now. He bought me 2 new coats and I hadn't bought myself a coat in years. I just wore hand me downs or went without a coat. I lost myself in this whole process. I disappeared because gay became my whole life, my whole identity. My needs were not even considered EVER by ANYONE including my ex.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2015 12:38PM by cl2.

The part that bothers me the most about this is that everything's always about the men! The women get a comment, but the article, the show, everything, is about the men! How are gay men coping with "same sex attraction" in Mormonism? Oakes: "If they do x, y, and z, and find a 'daughter of God,' a nameless stand-in for their eternal progression, they can blah, blah." "My Husband is NOT GAY!" Yes, he is, and that will always be the issue. What is, or is not, your husband. Your life? Who cares. You're just a prop in some man's life. He's the subject, always. You're just a foil. An attractive one, or an unattractive one, but a foil nonetheless. And attractive to whom? A man, the central subject of life. Are there "same-sex attracted" women? Does anyone care? Not much. I'd be surprised to see a TV show about it.

I think what angers me the most is that they are being held up as an example, that this can work. I've been "married" for over 30 years now. I found out in March 1983 that my boyfriend was gay and here it is 32 years later and NOTHING has changed (well, very little). They are now out in the open instead of hidden.

But, yes, it was all about him when talking to leaders, but we were all victims, we were all lab rats.

It all stresses me out, so I probably shouldn't read it or watch the show.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2015 04:25PM by cl2.

When I was at BYU in the seventies,as I watched a lot of gay guys marry women in the temple, I was always shocked at them. But much more than that I was just sick for the women. Even then I knew what it meant. Years later C12 and a few others have confirmed my fears.

And though many of these women have made the best of it, have found a few positives, and have survived, there is no question about it:

THOSE WOMEN WERE ROBBED! The church treated them as less than human.

not c12. It's the chemical abbreviation for "chlorine," which sounds a lot like her first name. I wondered for YEARS what her screen name meant until she explained it.

Blue Orchid, I always think of the film noir "Blue Dahlia" when I see your screen name.

And thanks for the very thoughtful post above. I learned so much from it.

Thank you, and thanks for the correction. I can't believe I've been seeing it wrong all these years. Although that would be my M.O. in life come think of it. . .

I had a good nonmormon friend at work. He was in his 50s and a Catholic. One of my first really good nonmormon friends. I wouldn't let him call me "Calleen," so he decided he would call me chlorine. It stuck. I worked with Pauline, Jolene, and this other girl, and he called us the lean sisters. The other girl did not have a lean name, so he called her skinny. He was really FUNNY. He treated me like his own daughter (he didn't have any). He died right after I found out my boyfriend was gay of a massive heart attack on a bus in Moscow, Russia. He was Ukranian.

Anyway, I've been thinking about this over the weekend. No matter what I have suffered because of all this, I cannot even begin to imagine growing up gay especially in a religion like the LDS church. My pain can't even begin to compare with what my ex and others have been through.

This was a good article.

http://www.jeffbenedict.com/index.php/blog/35-blog/378-maybe-ill-meet-a-girl

I didn't know that Tod Christofferson's son was gay, and that he gets to participate in church even though he is in a relationship. I have heard that Hinckley's son was gay and got a free pass.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/05/2015 07:01AM by cludgie.

EXCELLENT ARTICLE.

cludgie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I didn't know that Tod Christofferson's son was
> gay, and that he gets to participate in church
> even though he is in a relationship. I have heard
> that Hinckley's son was gay and got a free pass.

Are you referring to D. Todd Christofferson and different URL saying one of Todd's children is also GAY like his brother Tom Christofferson?


D. Todd Christofferson and TOM Christofferson are brothers.

From the Article.
"Tom Christofferson is an openly gay Mormon who attends services...He is still with his gay partner of 18 years. Yet his congregation has embraced them."...admire his brother D. Todd Christofferson, who is one of the Twelve Apostles in the Mormon Church.

I'd like to see something about a lesbian TBM woman trying to marry a TBM mormon man.

Although, and pardon my ignorance if this is incorrect, it seems like, with social mores being what they are, sexual fluidity amongst women is more tolerated than it is with men. Experimenting and bisexuality I believe is statistically much more common with women. Can someone corroborate this?

I do know a couple of lesbian women married to men. (I just realized that I know one who is very close to our situation and I've talked about her before--she is in a sexless marriage, in her 60s, and her kids were conceived in the doctor's office). I did talk to someone whose wife had had an affair and the church handled her with kid gloves. The lds leaders don't seem to have as big of a problem with lesbians (but I may be wrong--just from what I've heard), but, of course, they are MEN. There are many reasons I think this is just from my point of view: They are envious of gay men who can get all the sex they want without worrying about pregnancy or commitment, it somehow effects their masculinity if someone else is gay and different from them. And from what I picked up while dealing with the leaders before our marriage is that they are unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes, to have empathy or understanding. They can only think in terms of their own desires. If that makes any sense. The bishop (and others) were just SURE that if my boyfriend had sex with a woman, he'd never look back.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/05/2015 11:21AM by cl2.

This article just makes me sad, like the show, like the church. You cannot be mormon and be yourself unless you are a stepford wife or stepford husband, there is no place in mormonism for any type of uniqueness. My heart breaks for all the women and men involved in these relationships, I am sure there is some love and some companionship but it will never be enough and that is depressing.

Maybe they should begin cloning members instead of producing them in such a messy, old-fashioned way. Yes, I think that's the ticket. Who could they use as the perfect prototypes? Obviously have to be hetero, compliant, surface-level attractive, etc.

The call for these young men to suppress and deny their own nature is one sent to all members in different ways. Agnostics are told to suppress their agnosticism. Libertines come under fire for being too much like Joseph Smith in their appetites. To live Mormon is to live in self-denial.

I hope these young people work out their lives for themselves. I know it's hard, and you really do lose some family over it, but that's the Mormon plan: lose family forever.